JazznFunk
Supporting Member
The only time I came close to this scenario was in a band with a drummer (yes- a DRUMMER) who liked to micro-manage every aspect of my playing. We played in 2 bands. He didn't like my tone. Didn't like the basses I played. Didn't like the volume I played at. Sometimes I was so quiet (because he didn't like a loud bass amp) that I couldn't hear myself, or I put my amp far away from the both of us just to make him happy and keep the peace. If I refused to acquiesce to his demands he'd get passive aggressive and clam up the rest of the night, and then call me a day later and try to air out his issues. He also did this with almost every other band he freelanced with as well on some level, and eventually he wasn't able to find work. He had a host of other issues as well regarding band management and finances with bands, but him trying to control EVERYTHING that everyone else did on stage (and in rehearsals) eventually ostracized him - and he quit the band I was in with him and said we were all the problem, not him.
After I stopped playing with this guy, it took YEARS before I felt confident enough to turn up and be heard, even when other drummers TOLD ME to turn up so they could hear me better,or who wanted my amp right next to them so they could feel/hear it better. Long story short, don't let anyone gaslight you or have any sort of domain over your choice of instrument, or how you play. Work on things as a group, and if the GROUP decides there aren't issues, then the problematic member needs to can it.
After I stopped playing with this guy, it took YEARS before I felt confident enough to turn up and be heard, even when other drummers TOLD ME to turn up so they could hear me better,or who wanted my amp right next to them so they could feel/hear it better. Long story short, don't let anyone gaslight you or have any sort of domain over your choice of instrument, or how you play. Work on things as a group, and if the GROUP decides there aren't issues, then the problematic member needs to can it.
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