Getting Fat

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by armywalaby, Feb 16, 2009.

  1. It's depressing. I can't button my pants and there always seems to be moisture in my butt crack. I can mush my man boobs together for some cleavage. I feel like it's my second puberty.
  2. Fontaine


    Apr 27, 2006
    this is just wrong/gross.

    but im sorry :(
  3. Are you looking for advice, or sympathy, or what?
  4. drteeth


    Apr 1, 2008
    Leuven, Belgium
    Welcome to the club.

    Eat less (better).

    Exercise more.
  5. I guess a club?
  6. Marley's Ghost

    Marley's Ghost Supporting Member

    Feb 9, 2002
    Tampa, FL
    Get to the gym. Today.
  7. mothmonsterman


    Feb 8, 2006
    get on the treadmill fatty.
    .... I need to take my own advise lol.

    I did lose 10lbs switching from beer to straight whiskey.
  8. Yeah, I started drinking light beer. I used to only eat when I was hungry, now I eat even if I'm not hungry. I just ate again and my stomach is so tight...and my pants and belt are all the way undone. I'm only eating twice a day though...guess it's time to start doing some leg lifts.
  9. I would have thought he should eat more better.
    You might want to look into something a little more strenuous (read: effective) that that. :p After all, this is your moist butt crack we're talking about.
  10. Oh man...I just burped and I feel better. A LOT better...I'm such a fatty...
  11. Chriss62


    Jul 24, 2000
    Austin, Texas
  12. You're tellin me...I feel gross.
  13. Chriss62


    Jul 24, 2000
    Austin, Texas
    Although, burping = win
  14. Baryonyx

    Baryonyx Inactive

    Jul 11, 2005
    Marathon Man
    Time to start running when you go to the fridge for snacks!
  15. pedulla-2007

    pedulla-2007 Supporting Member

    Sep 2, 2008
    I never realized how cool bass players were.Thanks for a great laugh. Am a auto worker and have been depressed for a while. You guys make me laugh out loud. You wanna lose weight? become a autoworker. Layoffs every month. Layoffs + depression= WEIGHT LOSS !!! Stay Cool!:bawl:
  16. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    I've never seen a fat military guy before. Don't you guys get in trouble for being out of shape and fat?

  17. I'm only in the military for 20 more days.

    Oh yeah, we've got fat guys too...their chain of command just doesn't wanna go through the process to kick them out because they are "a good troop".

    I'm not really that fat. I've just got a belly...
  18. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    That's how it starts. Next thing you know, you'll be bed ridden and featured on A&E or Discovery Science or one of those other channels that gets off on televising the health problems of people.

    Watch out bro. :D

  19. daofktr

    daofktr irritating, yet surly

    Feb 15, 2005
    aurora, IN
    Any wanker can lose weight; it takes a man to buck public opinion and keep every ounce of hard-earned fat on his testosterone (and sweat)-soaked frame.
    Just call yourself an old school Samoan and tell everybody to get nicked.

    Of course, if there are health issues involved, then perhaps you might consider moderation in your struggle to cultivate the Perfect Ass-Crack. Nothing flings the fig in the face of opposition like growing old, fat and ornery, but it's best to enjoy the journey with a minimum of physical ailments. That being said, I humbly suggest an exercise/lifestyle program suited for y/our quest:

    1) Curls.

    These can best be done with beer. Of course, VB is good for this, but stubbies aren't big enough to satisfy the demands of both thirst and biceps. I suggest using 'growlers', which normally hold a half gallon. (Heineken mini-kegs are acceptable substitutes.)
    Do 10 reps every minute, and I promise you that you won't even feel the burn at the end of your workout.
    Don't forget to use both arms.

    2) Push-ups.

    I find it best to use a risk/reward system, such as placing a pavlova beneath your face, during these. The reward? You get to take a bite during each rep. The risk? Suffocation if you can't push yourself up. Either way, you are motivated.

    3) Dietary concerns.

    Do you like fried fish, but are afraid of ingesting all that grease? Tired of constipation? Try butterfish! (See the section 'Effects of Consumption'.) With this tasty little morsel, you can have it all! Good taste and regularity!
    Couple this with cabbage, onions and broccoli, and worries about a sweaty crack will melt away (along with your social life).

    I hope these suggestions help give you hope for a better tomorrow. If you want more tips, please let me know. I exist only to serve.
  20. TallLankyBastyd


    Jan 31, 2007
    You go bro!!

    A few more pounds and I'll be able to get that life-sized Buddha tattoo on my belly!!
  21. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

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