I have a bit of a pickle with my main group I am in. I sing all the songs, play lead guitar, book the shows, create the flyers, promote the shows, maintain the website, manage our social media accounts, manage our media (CDs, streaming and videos), own the PA and set it up along with the lights, and attempt to keep track of everyone's schedules in a calendar. Let me say also, I don't do this as a living. I have a full-time job, 5 days a week. But I play 3-4 times a week.
Yeah. It's a lot of work for one person. Burn out is just a checkbox away.
So, the problem is, the other guitarist talks the good talk, thinks we are the next coming of the Beatles, believes that because we are all mature and experienced musicians (40+ years or more for most of us) that we are better than most of the other groups around. We definitely do not suck and have been breaking barriers that other bands can't in our region. But, IMHO, we have a long way to go to compete with the top shelf local bands.
The other guitarist is focused on the "look at us" factors, wants to rehearse all the time to put together the "show" but he struggles remembering his parts or even being able to find a part that fits without playing nonstop. Two years in and he is still making excuses about why he fumbles around and noodles. He is a good guitarist, and does make, at times, so very tasty chord selections, but but I think he doesn't practice (except at our rehearsals) and I really think he struggles to remember the stuff shown to him. Even with notes in front of him he forgets stuff all the time it seems. This includes even things like when we have gigs, even though I am VERY detailed about when gigs are.
He also plays very loudly and nothing any of us say to him makes a dent... he complains he can't hear himself or just hears me ( run direct into FOH, ampless stage for me). The last video we had of us playing all you could mainly hear was him. Drums and bass didn't even overpower him. I was barely a blip on the radar, so the excuse I was too loud is bunk. He also doesn't know when to NOT play. He very much is more into him and not the dynamics or overall sound of the group, even though he will adamantly say that he is all about the band sound.
Then there is his insistence that me being in other projects prevents us from being the best we can be, and that by not giving absolutely 100% to this group *I* am holding us back. I play in two other groups, sing some and play guitar, play bass in one and do very well at managing it as well as REMEMBERING the material. He can't do it, and it clearly bothers him that I can. So it becomes my fault he doesn't feel we are progressing as we should.
There is a lot more, but bottom line is I am pretty much done. The band is becoming entirely too much work (I know it takes a lot of work, but when you are the only one of five guys doing everything it excessive work) and there is no balance between how much I do and what everyone else contributes. The pickle is that:
So, instead... I am slowly dragging this on... It isn't enjoyable anymore and I know it's time to end it. But not sure how to do that without there being hurt feelings.
Maybe I shouldn't care, but I do. He is a good friend and person, I just don't want to be in a band with him any longer. I feel like it is holding me back. I honestly have held off booking anything further because I don't want to do more shows with him. But that is not fair to the other guys in the group.
If I quit, not tooting my own horn, just stating reality, but the band will not be able to continue. Even if they could replace me, finding someone to take over all the other stuff that I do would be nigh impossible. The current guys are clearly not up to the task, so asking someone to come in and do all that I do would be a miracle.
I know the answer I will get: "Surround yourself with the people that are going to make you better, not hold you back." This guy is holding me back. I would like to go back to one guitar and replace him with keys (we also have saxophone, bass and drums). More options and more what I want to play. But I don't have it in my heart to fire him. I have a friend who has a band that all the players are plateaued, don't have any desire to reach for more, and are content playing easy peasy stuff until they die. 20 years and he can't let em go because they are his friends and they have built a brand that gets people in the seats, even though they are mediocre at best. So he books it once every other month or so (if that) and leaves it at that for other projects that challenge him. That is what I may end up doing too. Maybe.
Yeah. It's a lot of work for one person. Burn out is just a checkbox away.
So, the problem is, the other guitarist talks the good talk, thinks we are the next coming of the Beatles, believes that because we are all mature and experienced musicians (40+ years or more for most of us) that we are better than most of the other groups around. We definitely do not suck and have been breaking barriers that other bands can't in our region. But, IMHO, we have a long way to go to compete with the top shelf local bands.
The other guitarist is focused on the "look at us" factors, wants to rehearse all the time to put together the "show" but he struggles remembering his parts or even being able to find a part that fits without playing nonstop. Two years in and he is still making excuses about why he fumbles around and noodles. He is a good guitarist, and does make, at times, so very tasty chord selections, but but I think he doesn't practice (except at our rehearsals) and I really think he struggles to remember the stuff shown to him. Even with notes in front of him he forgets stuff all the time it seems. This includes even things like when we have gigs, even though I am VERY detailed about when gigs are.
He also plays very loudly and nothing any of us say to him makes a dent... he complains he can't hear himself or just hears me ( run direct into FOH, ampless stage for me). The last video we had of us playing all you could mainly hear was him. Drums and bass didn't even overpower him. I was barely a blip on the radar, so the excuse I was too loud is bunk. He also doesn't know when to NOT play. He very much is more into him and not the dynamics or overall sound of the group, even though he will adamantly say that he is all about the band sound.
Then there is his insistence that me being in other projects prevents us from being the best we can be, and that by not giving absolutely 100% to this group *I* am holding us back. I play in two other groups, sing some and play guitar, play bass in one and do very well at managing it as well as REMEMBERING the material. He can't do it, and it clearly bothers him that I can. So it becomes my fault he doesn't feel we are progressing as we should.
There is a lot more, but bottom line is I am pretty much done. The band is becoming entirely too much work (I know it takes a lot of work, but when you are the only one of five guys doing everything it excessive work) and there is no balance between how much I do and what everyone else contributes. The pickle is that:
- We practice at the other guitarist house
- He started the band with me and, honestly, he will be heartbroken if he is fired or the band ends.
- We have broken some tough venues and ending the group would seem like we wasted all that time building the brand.
So, instead... I am slowly dragging this on... It isn't enjoyable anymore and I know it's time to end it. But not sure how to do that without there being hurt feelings.
Maybe I shouldn't care, but I do. He is a good friend and person, I just don't want to be in a band with him any longer. I feel like it is holding me back. I honestly have held off booking anything further because I don't want to do more shows with him. But that is not fair to the other guys in the group.
If I quit, not tooting my own horn, just stating reality, but the band will not be able to continue. Even if they could replace me, finding someone to take over all the other stuff that I do would be nigh impossible. The current guys are clearly not up to the task, so asking someone to come in and do all that I do would be a miracle.
I know the answer I will get: "Surround yourself with the people that are going to make you better, not hold you back." This guy is holding me back. I would like to go back to one guitar and replace him with keys (we also have saxophone, bass and drums). More options and more what I want to play. But I don't have it in my heart to fire him. I have a friend who has a band that all the players are plateaued, don't have any desire to reach for more, and are content playing easy peasy stuff until they die. 20 years and he can't let em go because they are his friends and they have built a brand that gets people in the seats, even though they are mediocre at best. So he books it once every other month or so (if that) and leaves it at that for other projects that challenge him. That is what I may end up doing too. Maybe.
