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Gig Report. My ears are destroyed.

I have a pair of bright red hearing protectors ("ear muffs"), like the ones the guys on the flight line wear. I WILL break them out if it gets too loud. I don't give a rat's ass whether it "looks bad". If I'm playing with a group of idiots who can't figure out how to give a performance without being turned up to 10, they deserve to be humiliated by the bass player wearing hearing protection. Forget this business about "subtle".

I also use the same muffs at my day job when the 115 dB fire alarms go off (fire drill time, required three times a year) in our quiet office area. I researched the code requirements and the alarms are supposed to be at +20 dB of ambient; ambient in a quiet office area is around 60 so the alarms could be set at 80-85 and be fully compliant. I have in the past been seated directly below one of these 115 dB alarms. My request to set the alarm at the appropriate, non-ear-damaging level was refused; so when the fire drill begins I put on my bright red muffs and walk out, while my colleagues are holding their ears.
 
I have a pair of bright red hearing protectors ("ear muffs"), like the ones the guys on the flight line wear. I WILL break them out if it gets too loud. I don't give a rat's ass whether it "looks bad". If I'm playing with a group of idiots who can't figure out how to give a performance without being turned up to 10, they deserve to be humiliated by the bass player wearing hearing protection. Forget this business about "subtle".

I also use the same muffs at my day job when the 115 dB fire alarms go off (fire drill time, required three times a year) in our quiet office area. I researched the code requirements and the alarms are supposed to be at +20 dB of ambient; ambient in a quiet office area is around 60 so the alarms could be set at 80-85 and be fully compliant. I have in the past been seated directly below one of these 115 dB alarms. My request to set the alarm at the appropriate, non-ear-damaging level was refused; so when the fire drill begins I put on my bright red muffs and walk out, while my colleagues are holding their ears.
Dang, that's what I was going to post, with this pic. :D
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When my ears are at risk despite attempting to address it with my bandmates and wearing proper protection, that would be goodbye. I am so lucky that my drummer has an E kit and no ego problem! guitarist is happy as long as he can hear himself.

Unfortunately, hearing damage is not reversible, but hopefully you've still got functional hearing to protect and have better luck down the road! You're smart to be ready to act on it.

Music should be beneficial, not harmful. When it's harmful, as in your situation, injuries, obsession, conflict, or other issues we might face, if they can't be fixed, and you've given us a reason to believe this can't be fixed, it's time to make a change.
Take advice from an old guy.....find another band! These types never change,find some like minded bandmates.
At this reading, almost 50 of your colleagues agree. You've tried to address it, you've tried to protect your ears, and you are in harms way. Bail. You're a bassist! You'll find other projects.
 
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What did you all say? Eh??? I spent the decade of my twenties playing in nite clubs on the road standing next to guitarists who played Strats (one a Tele) through Fender Twin Reverb amps that go to 11. What did you say? Fortunatelyx, now that I am mainly an upright player playing more acoustic music (folk, americana, jazz) , the sound intensity level (dB) is reasonable and not dangerous at the gigs I play. I love drummers who play with brushes.
 
TL;DR, but this topic has been touched upon many times. My solution was, as mentioned before, to bring my Ampeg head and 610 to rehearsal in the guit's cellar. Bass dimed, gain at around 7, amp at *4*, and ceiling tiles began shedding, silverware in upstairs drawer rattled. Problem solved.

I ALWAYS wear earplugs at rehearsals/events. My hearing is bad enough due to youthful indiscretions of many kinds. If your mates won't fix the issue, time to go. Hearing damage is pretty well irreversible.
 
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I do many gigs these days on upright without a drummer. When do play with a drummer he often uses brushes and the volume is always manageable. I still do some gigs on Fender bass with a drummer playing with sticks with a strong back beat. Big sound system and a decent sized crowd. Its quite a shock to my system and not all that enjoyable. Those gigs pay really well so I do them. A guitar player buddy suggested I invest in some qaulity earplugs.....

I'm late to seeing/responding to this again, but the cheapest way into 'musical' earplugs are Hearos Hi-Fi plugs, or Etymotic Research plugs. Very similar in design and execution, but different filter profiles. I wear those on pretty much every gig except super low volume ones with my sax player as a duo. Even in my regular trio, without a drummer, our guitarist is loud enough in certain frequencies even when 'quiet' that it punches my ears in the midrange and is very uncomfortable. I have a touch of hyperacusis in certain areas of the midrange band. For live shows as an audience member, I take those and a backup set of good old foam earplugs. Sometimes the hi-fi's don't knock the volume down enough as an audience member, unfortunately. I can't really go see any live show without hearing protection.... I've been wearing plugs in some form or other since I started playing in 1997.