You're way off the mark. Amateur psychiatry isn't valid, you know.
Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
Having realistic expectations about your band
- Thread starter Ser Phalanges
- Start date
You're way off the mark. Amateur psychiatry isn't valid, you know.
Look, guys. I guess I didn't simplify it enough for some people. I'm going to try to boil it down to something simpler. My drummer is my friend. He's also the main reason we are not ready to play shows. We never set a goal to be ready by a certain date, we've just been trying to tighten up and also working full time and juggling kids and wives. My drummer cannot see that our timing issues and sloppiness issues lie with him not being able to keep track of the count. Keeping in mind that this is my friend, I had simply asked for some advice on how a socially awkward person like myself can bring this up in a way that does not hurt his feelings. Not a psychoanalysis, not criticism for not being ready to play shows.
Our singer was like that and like you we didn't want to say too much to him, to be honest we didn't really know how to approach it. However we muddled on and played gigs and did ok. Then one day he up and quit, no warning just said he has had enough and joining another band. Fortunately for us we got another singer in who has added a whole new feel to the band and we are all having fun again and sounding much better.
Here's the thing, you can either
1. have a quiet word with him and let him know how you feel
2. Speak with the rest of the band and see if they feel the same and if so all have a word with him.
3. Muddle on and see what happens
4. Quit
Either way it's not an easy answer, good luck!
Here's the thing, you can either
1. have a quiet word with him and let him know how you feel
2. Speak with the rest of the band and see if they feel the same and if so all have a word with him.
3. Muddle on and see what happens
4. Quit
Either way it's not an easy answer, good luck!
No, he's 50% off the mark, 50% on. The need to disabuse someone of their delusions is an issue. It's a good idea to question why it's such a problem. It's a slippery slope too because we all have delusions, they keep us going. And there's no need to do that until you rage fire him.
You sound like the situation that I was recently in. I had started playing with a couple of guys and had made it to the fourth practice. At that point, we had played around on several covers but didnt have anything nailed down. Nothing. I missed a practice (work related) and received a text from the BL the next day wanting to confirm I would be at the next one because we were going to start recording an album of originals. An album?! WTH?! I politely bowed out at that point.
Maybe I'm not 100% right, but you just admitted the information you gave was poorly explained. I guarantee my analysis to be worth more than what you paid for it.
As I suggested, if his drumming and his actions are that big an issue then just quit or fire the drummer. Even professional psychology rarely gets people to change. Putting up with him is your choice.
"self-delusion" about a band's chances, popularity, talent, etc, is epidemic among musicians...fact of life. I see a number of guys around here, in their 40s, 50s, etc, still putting out songs and still holding onto the fantasy that they are still going to "make it." It's just their egos talking. Promoting local shows in poopy bars as if they were playing the United Center. Trios using tracks, playing in front of the elderly at some crud daiquiri bar with gig posters like they were Aerosmith. Silliness beyond silliness, but a lot of musicians are simply like that.
let him have his delusions. However, when a member's delusions start affecting where you play, when you play, how you play, that's when its time to have a heart to heart. You should all be on the same page as to how the band is going book, promote, learn tunes, etc. You don't necessarily have to be on the same page on goals unless someone's goals are affecting the above.
let him have his delusions. However, when a member's delusions start affecting where you play, when you play, how you play, that's when its time to have a heart to heart. You should all be on the same page as to how the band is going book, promote, learn tunes, etc. You don't necessarily have to be on the same page on goals unless someone's goals are affecting the above.
OK- then sounds like you want a practice band only. Nothing wrong with that.
Find a band that doesn't want to gig then.
Yes. if certain members want a fun rehearsal band and others want to gig, the band will eventually implode. Been there and done that many times.
About all you can do is share YOUR expectations for the band, which may lead to other members doing the same. And if the direction of the band doesn't meet YOUR expectations, then move on. The drummer seems to understand, though, that without a gig any band is destined for failure, it's only a matter of time. That he has dreams of stardom is another issue, though, and he'll either wise up or continue dreaming ... but it won't affect YOU or YOUR decisions.
Playing in Casinos and Corporate Events in Las Vegas for 2 1/2 years now. It's a good gig, steady work, good pay, no promoting, good FOH, I like everything about it...except the *&&^% cigarette smoke in the Casinos! Damn, I wish Las Vegas would escape the '60's mentality when it comes to that! Disgusting, and very bad for one's health!
One thing I can state most def: It is NOT a springboard for fame and fortune, "rock-Star" style like your drummer hallucinates about!
We play covers- Dance music. I have the good fortune of having my Vocalist being a HUGE talent with stage appeal, and I have the sense to arrange a good repertoire that engages an audience, makes them dance and listen, and have a good time. It also lets me break it down w/ my Rhythm section, and get funky. What more could I ask?
But I have no illusions whatsoever about becoming the next big thing. We have a few R&B based-originals we plan on recording, maybe shopping, but no delusions of grandeur about it- If something happens, fine- IF not-on to the next payday.
Casino work is just that- A short diversion (they hope) for patrons to cut loose before they gamble some more, which is why the House exists in the 1st place-That and the buffets and Major shows, that is.
A billion bands want to be Mick Jaggers or Ed Sheerans, or Biebers, and it just is not going to happen.
Proportionally, its impossible, realistically, they are not mass-appealing enough, and Show-Biz is a tough nut to crack.
There are lots of supremely talented Artists in every field, Dance, painting, Sports, Music. Most cannot make the big leagues, and the secret to happiness, and success IMO is not becoming a World-Famous Drool figure, but in finding your own best level and becoming successful in that to one's own best ability.
I'd never discourage anyone from seeking the Brass Ring, or becoming Heavy Weight Champ of the World, but you need to work hard and pack a punch!
One thing I can state most def: It is NOT a springboard for fame and fortune, "rock-Star" style like your drummer hallucinates about!
We play covers- Dance music. I have the good fortune of having my Vocalist being a HUGE talent with stage appeal, and I have the sense to arrange a good repertoire that engages an audience, makes them dance and listen, and have a good time. It also lets me break it down w/ my Rhythm section, and get funky. What more could I ask?
But I have no illusions whatsoever about becoming the next big thing. We have a few R&B based-originals we plan on recording, maybe shopping, but no delusions of grandeur about it- If something happens, fine- IF not-on to the next payday.
Casino work is just that- A short diversion (they hope) for patrons to cut loose before they gamble some more, which is why the House exists in the 1st place-That and the buffets and Major shows, that is.
A billion bands want to be Mick Jaggers or Ed Sheerans, or Biebers, and it just is not going to happen.
Proportionally, its impossible, realistically, they are not mass-appealing enough, and Show-Biz is a tough nut to crack.
There are lots of supremely talented Artists in every field, Dance, painting, Sports, Music. Most cannot make the big leagues, and the secret to happiness, and success IMO is not becoming a World-Famous Drool figure, but in finding your own best level and becoming successful in that to one's own best ability.
I'd never discourage anyone from seeking the Brass Ring, or becoming Heavy Weight Champ of the World, but you need to work hard and pack a punch!
I get you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings about his ability so how about a little white lie?
Get someone else to come to a rehearsal as a potential booking agent.
Next day, tell the drummer that the agent really felt he, the drummer, wasn't up to standard.
Hearing it from an 'outside source' might have much more effect than from you.
It's a bit underhand but it'd save you the awkward situation.
Get someone else to come to a rehearsal as a potential booking agent.
Next day, tell the drummer that the agent really felt he, the drummer, wasn't up to standard.
Hearing it from an 'outside source' might have much more effect than from you.
It's a bit underhand but it'd save you the awkward situation.
Has this drummer ever played in a band before? Has he ever been a bandleader? Has he ever booked a gig?
On the one hand, I could appreciate his enthusiasm and all. Reality will kick in sooner or later. I don't think his fantasy life is all that much of a problem, as long as he can handle reality when it happens.
On the one hand, I could appreciate his enthusiasm and all. Reality will kick in sooner or later. I don't think his fantasy life is all that much of a problem, as long as he can handle reality when it happens.
Anyone who books a show without asking needs someone to correct them. Many of the greatest musicians I've played with don't count. I never count. And if you're a cover band trying to make it big you better be damn good and unique.
