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Housemate problems...need some advice?

F

Fassa Albrecht

Feb 18, 2007
7,818
26
38
Tyneside, UK
#1
I'm living in private accomodation for university and I'm sharing with 5 other people.
The problem- three of these students living with me are from overseas ('international' students). They keep fairly quiet and stay in their rooms nearly ALL of the time. Talking to them is often difficult as their English isn't brilliant.
The result is that I see hardly anyone in the flat and the one person I do know well often comes in late from classes so I only really see her at weekends. No-one has done anything about paying bills or sorting out the cleaning. I feel like me and the only other UK student in the flat are trying to do everything. I honestly feel like I'm living in a prison or that I'm alone in that flat.

What should I do? I can't move because I have a fixed contract, and there isn't another flat I can move to either. I have nothing against international students (I actually helped some of the 1st years move into halls at the start of the year) but I seriously feel like I'm getting nowhere.
 
#8
iamlowsound said:
You have to talk to them, if they are international students, I am assuming that they have to be able to communicate well in written English. Try writing it down, that way tou can also think about what you want to say, before you say it.

lowsound
Click to expand...

It's not that I can't talk to them, it's that they hide themselves away and so I can't speak to them without feeling I'm disturbing them.
 
#10
Get a small white boards and put them on their doors. Then write reminders - "Phone bill due 12/14" or "Take out the garbage" or whatever.

Not the way I would handle things (I like to be direct), but it might work for you.
 
#11
Fassa Albrecht said:
It's not that I can't talk to them, it's that they hide themselves away and so I can't speak to them without feeling I'm disturbing them.
Click to expand...

Well you have to do something. I had the communication break down between me and my roommate last year, it ruined a good friendship. We are friends again, but it took a lot of work. You will just have to talk to them, a note or whiteboard will work wonders.

lowsound
 
#13
My housemate is far from clean or tidy, but I'm not a clean freak either. So I just wait till I can't look at it any more, then clean myself. I've tried all forms or persuasion, but it's below his event horizon, so I just do it: 1hr/week is not worth stress, and if I start up, he usually helps some. And I drink his booze.

I pay half the bills, him the other half (they're split, meant who's responsible for making payment) and there's a kitty for the consumables in the house, eg washing powder, toilet paper etc and I trust him 100%, so no issues there.

Housemates are hard: I've shared for most of the last 20 years, but my current one is by far the best.

FA, talk to them. Make it clear it's p***ing you off. Everyone should be responsible for their own room, but common area maintenance should be shared. If they don't start to help, vacuum at the most inconvenient times when it's sure to dusturb them, or wail away on the bass loud at a similarly inappropriate time. When they complain, air your grievances again. Be a PITA about it. If they end up hating you, too bad, that's theor problem but it's better than living in squalor.

As for the FE students that never come out of their rooms. I'd be happy with that. Better than then playing bad music loud at weird times (as well as downstairs). Unless your housemates are actually your friends, don't expect them to become so or to be your entertainment. Some level of detachmant from them works well.
 
#15
The answer is simple , and you know what it is.

Call a meeting of all roommates. Lay out the problems. Come up with a plan (or calendar) for each person to take on certain tasks - OR divide up the responsibility so each person is clear on what they need to do.

Especially with international students, you probably have significantly different expectations about housekeeping based on your different cultures. The American way to deal with such differences is to address them head-on. Many other cultures won't talk about it, but will try to use hints or simply ignore problems or differences.

You got it to do. Do it.
 

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