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how do i start a band without it falling apart
- Thread starter bassweedwizard
- Start date
It's like a lot of things.... What you put in is what you get out. That includes having balanced expectations and keeping things fun.
In my experience with starter bands, lots of people like the idea of being in a band but struggle with the reality. They see themselves having a blast rocking on stage but to reach a gigging level is graft, commitment, repetition and accepting own and others limitations and differing views.
If you can find ways to keep enjoyment high and share laughs, that's a great boost. Don't take yourselves too seriously, laugh at mistakes and give each other compliments. Entertain yourselves.
All the best.
In my experience with starter bands, lots of people like the idea of being in a band but struggle with the reality. They see themselves having a blast rocking on stage but to reach a gigging level is graft, commitment, repetition and accepting own and others limitations and differing views.
If you can find ways to keep enjoyment high and share laughs, that's a great boost. Don't take yourselves too seriously, laugh at mistakes and give each other compliments. Entertain yourselves.
All the best.
Same, I started out as a guitarist, then I joined several friends who formed bands here and there. My punk band was the one that lasted for a longer time (about three years) before we disbanded, but I'd continue seeing, playing, and hanging out with other indie musicians.
Your experience with playing as a high school band might be similar to mine. This is the stage you'd gonna have lots of emotion, ego, and bravado, but also you have a lot of energy, idealism, and free time. You'd dream, you'd want to try performing difficult pieces, etc. Your reach will be farther than your grasp. But then you'd also disagree with other band members.
So unless you'd decide to see your bandmates after graduating from high school, there's a high chance of falling apart. However, your experience with the band stays with you, which can help you form another band in your next stage in life.
Get out and play music with a bunch of different folks in different settings. At your age that might mean that you throw together jam parties. It will help you see who you click with. Slap together a band for friends birthday parties, etc. If you are playing for friends (for NO pay, lol) they will tend to forgive if things don't go as planned. It will be fond memories for most of them later.
The average half-life of a band (or ANY group of creative folks working together) seems to be about three years. It is a fact of life. Enjoy what you have while you are in the moment, and keep showing up to keep your own personal goals intact and moving forward through a landscape that will likely evolve over time.
The first band situation I was in for a couple years, in reality was decent players who worked day jobs and really had the band situation to party every Friday night. We had the best rehearsal space, way too comfy. We could not keep singers long term, it was likely due to lack of gigs and no one working that hard to get them. Same reason why I ultimately left too. But it was a great learning experience and I was playing along with one of the best drummers ever. It pushed my skills in good directions and shaped me as a player. I was playing some songs I would have never chosen on my own.
The second band I was in, the stars aligned and it was a very good 10 years. We played 200 gigs. We are all in sales jobs, so we were great at the business end of getting dates to play. We also had some skills to show up with. We treated it like a business, too, one that made beer money, lol.
Remember what I said about the 3 year half life .... It was true in this 10 year run too. Same drummer, guitar player, and me on bass throughout. The rest of the players changed over time. We had a very skilled singer/rhythm player to start and that was an epic 3 year run. He went left and went pro. After he left, we played out as the three piece while going through a few singers, and each did not work out for different reasons. What we did in those moments was still OK and ENJOYABLE, even though they didn't stick. We kept showing up and hooked up with our last singer and we all clicked well. We added a second guitar position and that was filled by two of the best players I have been lucky enough to share a stage with. The last four years I was in the band was also epic. We had a pretty good local fan base. What a blast.
Our goal was to get out and play. We worked hard at it. We were underpaid for the effort, but the real pay was just playing well.
The average half-life of a band (or ANY group of creative folks working together) seems to be about three years. It is a fact of life. Enjoy what you have while you are in the moment, and keep showing up to keep your own personal goals intact and moving forward through a landscape that will likely evolve over time.
The first band situation I was in for a couple years, in reality was decent players who worked day jobs and really had the band situation to party every Friday night. We had the best rehearsal space, way too comfy. We could not keep singers long term, it was likely due to lack of gigs and no one working that hard to get them. Same reason why I ultimately left too. But it was a great learning experience and I was playing along with one of the best drummers ever. It pushed my skills in good directions and shaped me as a player. I was playing some songs I would have never chosen on my own.
The second band I was in, the stars aligned and it was a very good 10 years. We played 200 gigs. We are all in sales jobs, so we were great at the business end of getting dates to play. We also had some skills to show up with. We treated it like a business, too, one that made beer money, lol.
Remember what I said about the 3 year half life .... It was true in this 10 year run too. Same drummer, guitar player, and me on bass throughout. The rest of the players changed over time. We had a very skilled singer/rhythm player to start and that was an epic 3 year run. He went left and went pro. After he left, we played out as the three piece while going through a few singers, and each did not work out for different reasons. What we did in those moments was still OK and ENJOYABLE, even though they didn't stick. We kept showing up and hooked up with our last singer and we all clicked well. We added a second guitar position and that was filled by two of the best players I have been lucky enough to share a stage with. The last four years I was in the band was also epic. We had a pretty good local fan base. What a blast.
Our goal was to get out and play. We worked hard at it. We were underpaid for the effort, but the real pay was just playing well.
This sums it up perfectly.
Make your commitment expectations known from the outset, and make sure EVERYONE is on the same page. There are musicians that want to be in a serious band that gigs a lot, and there are musicians that just want to de-stress themselves with a garage band that occasionally gigs. A lot of issues are because a band contains both types without the goal being clearly stated.
Also, the leadership and decision making of the band must be clarified from the start.
Other than that, anything else is kind of out of your control…..personality conflicts, time conflicts, etc. You just have to deal with those things as they come up.
All bands are inherently unstable, eventually. Some defy the odds. In the OP's case I'd start by setting a clear goals regarding how often / where to practice, what type of music to play and how it will be decided upon.
Query sounds similar to, "How do I get married without getting divorced?"
Everyone should have the same level of commitment to the project, whether it’s a lot or a little. If one player is emotionally invested while another views the band as a weekly card game, it should be obvious why that will not work out.
EdwardofHuncote
I Still Dream of Jeannie
- Aug 21, 2013
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I read the title. The title and your post don't line up. TBH, you're not talking about starting a band... you just wanna' find a few guys to have a fun jam night. There is a minimum amount of commitment involved with this. That's basically when you/they have a free night.
Starting a band from zip is tough, but not impossible.
Most of the bands I've been in that really worked well and lasted the longest were the ones where the core members were very close friends and partners, who had a shared musical goal. Didn't matter what the goals were as long as they matched up. In our case, no one had some notion we'd make it big or anything... we were just weekend warriors. But everybody was all-in on it. When gigs came in, a message went out and you locked in your schedule. It took commitment... we're going to play, not party. There ain't no "uhhh, I gotta' take my dawg to the pet groomers Friday", or "my girlfriend wants to play tiddlywinks Saturday". No, I'm sorry, we have three gigs this weekend. If you can't do it, that's cool, we'll get someone who wants to play music. Everyone had that understanding and mindset, and we had a blast. (still do, I'm the first-call sub for my replacement)
But right there is where it runs off the rails for most of the band breakup threads. Lack of commitment to practice, rehearse, and make gigs.
There's the running joke about firing a drummer or dealing with a narcissistic lead singer or suffering incompetent bandleaders. Lack of gigs. Low paying, or free/pay-to-play gigs. I've been there too, and worse.
So figure out what it is you really want to do. You want a band, or just a hangout and jam?
Starting a band from zip is tough, but not impossible.
Most of the bands I've been in that really worked well and lasted the longest were the ones where the core members were very close friends and partners, who had a shared musical goal. Didn't matter what the goals were as long as they matched up. In our case, no one had some notion we'd make it big or anything... we were just weekend warriors. But everybody was all-in on it. When gigs came in, a message went out and you locked in your schedule. It took commitment... we're going to play, not party. There ain't no "uhhh, I gotta' take my dawg to the pet groomers Friday", or "my girlfriend wants to play tiddlywinks Saturday". No, I'm sorry, we have three gigs this weekend. If you can't do it, that's cool, we'll get someone who wants to play music. Everyone had that understanding and mindset, and we had a blast. (still do, I'm the first-call sub for my replacement)
But right there is where it runs off the rails for most of the band breakup threads. Lack of commitment to practice, rehearse, and make gigs.
There's the running joke about firing a drummer or dealing with a narcissistic lead singer or suffering incompetent bandleaders. Lack of gigs. Low paying, or free/pay-to-play gigs. I've been there too, and worse.
So figure out what it is you really want to do. You want a band, or just a hangout and jam?
I don’t think you can stop a band falling apart. There are many factors that prevent folk from sticking with it: musical direction, family pressures, the loathing of rehearsals, etc, etc.
Since before Covid I’ve been involved with a small number of start-up bands, all of which failed for this reason or that. Now in my early 70s, only a couple of weeks ago a project fell apart. It’s part of how it goes!
It seems to me that amateur band might run for a couple of years if you’re lucky.
My reply isn’t particularly encouraging for the OP, but is is my experience.
John
Since before Covid I’ve been involved with a small number of start-up bands, all of which failed for this reason or that. Now in my early 70s, only a couple of weeks ago a project fell apart. It’s part of how it goes!
It seems to me that amateur band might run for a couple of years if you’re lucky.
My reply isn’t particularly encouraging for the OP, but is is my experience.
John
The problem at that age is everyone's brains aren't done forming and some people will NEED to make big disruptive life changes soon. Otherwise it's a matter of LUCK finding people who are sane, non narcissists or self destructive (habits), and have upright character. The amusing responses here so far have been right on. It's something we have all been through. Don't spend time anguishing over the question, what will be will be.
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With only very few exceptions, ANY band that stays together, with all the original members, is a very rare thing.
If the Beatles couldn't do it, what makes you think anyone can?
If the Beatles couldn't do it, what makes you think anyone can?
As mentioned falling apart is an inevitable part of the process
But if you focus on forming good and trustful relationships with other musicians
the bands will form, fragment, and reform with different configurations of the same folks over the years
Other than that, pay them
But if you focus on forming good and trustful relationships with other musicians
the bands will form, fragment, and reform with different configurations of the same folks over the years
Other than that, pay them
If you ever figure out how to stop a band falling apart, then let us know. then we can close down the whole band management sub-forum!
But the best answer I can give is make sure everyone is heading in the same direction: What do you want to achieve? Originals or Covers? Gigs? How soon and how often? Is getting paid important? Rehersals? How often? What's the expectation of preparedness? What's the genre? How tightly do you define that?
There's no right answer to any of those questions, but bands break down when two people have different answers to one of those questions and there's no compromise. One guy wants to drive 100miles each way to play a dive gig for no money, while another guy can't afford to take the time off work/petrol money, or just doesnt' want to.
The classic is when your death metal covers band is going great, and the guitarist turns up at rehearsal and announces he's booked a gig playing Yacht Rock, and has written some originals which will be a sure fire hit!
That is the truth and nothing but the truth and applies to all kinds of "bands", from loose jams in a garage to professional heavy touring outfits. If you're not on the same page about these things, you will not last.
The better you get as a musician, the more you will be able to pick and chose your projects and your musical partners. Musicianship is like water, it seeks its own level eventually. 
In my experience with the handful of of bands that fell apart, it was because of lack of commitment. People have jobs, spouses, kids, and those are always going to compete for time. Unless your income is solely from playing music, the band is always going to come second, or third, or last. I only quit one band, and that was because they were too loud. Otherwise, all the bands that imploded weren’t because of me. Luckily for me, I have a couple of buddies that have been playing together for almost fifty years. We get together, play a handful of gigs each year, drink a few hop sodas, and have fun. Life is grand.
