How do you address your elders, and has it changed?

[jgbass]

I call my mother...mother. In my mind, I think that's more adult-like than mom. Kind of like: mommie, mom, mother progession.

But often I just take the cue from others on how they would like to be addressed. If someone "ma-am's" me or addresses me as Ms./Mrs. then I somtimes say, well just call me by my first name.

Interesting, maybe I will ask my mother how she would like to be addressed, but she tends to say things like, your mother is getting older, etc., so I really think she prefers this.

Interesting question!

 

[txbasschik]

Mom is Mom. But if she addresses the kids or asks them to do something for her, if I don't hear, "Yes, ma'am" out of their mouths, I make sure they correct that.

If an elder addresses me, until they say otherwise, I address them as Mr./Mrs. Surname, or Yes sir/Yes ma'am. If they ask me to call them by their first name, then they are "Mistah Charlie" or "Miz Clara".

If I did otherwise, my Granny would come back from the grave to give me a switchin'. And she'd be right to do it!

Cherie

 

[MAJOR METAL]

The way I look at it people have first names for a reason.

 

[MJ5150]

Any folks older than me that I come in to contact with are sir or ma'am. I have had older ones ask me not to call them sir or ma'am, and that makes me uncomfortable. It is really hard for me to call someone my dads age by their first name.

-Mike

 

[Eli M.]

When I'm talking to my mother, I call her Mom. But if we're in public and I need to get her attention from far away, I call out her first name instead - if I yelled out "Mom!" then ten other mothers will look over.

I went through a period where I wanted to call my parents by their first names. My mother was fine with it but I didn't know what my father would think, so I never implemented it. Even though my father and I no longer speak, I've been calling my mother Mom for too long to change it now.

When I have kids, I would never have them address me as "sir" under any circumstances - it reeks of militarism and implies that parents/elders automatically deserve respect (there are times when I believe it is appropriate to say "yes sir" or "yes ma'am", but not with a parent).

 

[aesir6]

I call everybody sir or ma'am or by their title...that's just how I was brought up. My parents are mom and dad.

Same here.

 

[Aaron Saunders]

Mom and dad are just mom and dad.

Aunt/Uncle are Title, First name -- "Uncle Larry."

High school teachers were always Mr./Mrs. Surname -- "Mr. Smith"

All of my teachers are Humber were very informal. Hence, everyone called them by their first name -- no "professor" anything, just "Kirk" or "Jane."

General elders get "sir" or "ma'am." Also, if necessary, I got very good at avoiding pronouns altogether because I NEVER know what to call my friends' parents.

 

[CrashClint]

When I have kids, I would never have them address me as "sir" under any circumstances - it reeks of militarism and implies that parents/elders automatically deserve respect (there are times when I believe it is appropriate to say "yes sir" or "yes ma'am", but not with a parent).

I have to disagree on this one. Being raised in the South, it is not militarism as much as it is respect. I was taught "No one owes you respect, it is some thing that is earned and if you want to be respected you first have to show respect." I am 44 years old and I still say sir and ma'am to parents. You will get a lot further using those type of manners down here then you would if you didn't. Granted growing up most adults I new preferred to be called Mr. John opposed to just the last name, Mr. Smith and the same for Ms.

 

[Ray Holt]

Mom is Mom. But if she addresses the kids or asks them to do something for her, if I don't hear, "Yes, ma'am" out of their mouths, I make sure they correct that.

If an elder addresses me, until they say otherwise, I address them as Mr./Mrs. Surname, or Yes sir/Yes ma'am. If they ask me to call them by their first name, then they are "Mistah Charlie" or "Miz Clara".

If I did otherwise, my Granny would come back from the grave to give me a switchin'. And she'd be right to do it!

Cherie

I like that southern frame of mind

 

[bkim]

There was a Brady Bunch episode when I was growing up where Greg started calling his mom and dad "Mike" and "Carol" He looked stupid , so I call my mom and dad- "mom & dad". Actually, I call my mom "ma".

I have my 3 year old call unrelated adults friends of mine mister/miss...first name. IE. Mr. Wayne, Miss Cindy. Unrelated adults he is unfamiliar with are Mr. Johnson, etc.

I find that children who do not address an adult as Mr. or Miss whatever, generally won't address them at all. Most kids feel uncomfortable calling adults by their first name, so they will talk to them without addressing or greeting them. That is just rude.

We are teaching our son to address and greet anyone who enters a room that they are in--child or adult alike. I don't see many kids doing that these days.

 

[Eli M.]

I have to disagree on this one. Being raised in the South, it is not militarism as much as it is respect. I was taught "No one owes you respect, it is some thing that is earned and if you want to be respected you first have to show respect." I am 44 years old and I still say sir and ma'am to parents. You will get a lot further using those type of manners down here then you would if you didn't. Granted growing up most adults I new preferred to be called Mr. John opposed to just the last name, Mr. Smith and the same for Ms.

I definitely see where you're coming from. It could be a regional thing, because where I'm from, I have never heard anyone call their parents sir and ma'am, and when I do hear it, I think, "wow, those parents must think they're running boot camp."

I still use those terms when I feel they're appropriate, such as when I'm addressing someone I don't know (I saw an old man fall down the other day and said, "are you okay, sir?").

However, you said:

"No one owes you respect, it is some thing that is earned and if you want to be respected you first have to show respect."

This has to go both ways. No one owes his or her parents respect; parents must earn respect just like anyone else. So by this logic, a parent should call his or her children sir and ma'am too.

 

[Vince S.]

I usually call adults I don't know "sir" or "m'am". This includes my patients unless they tell me to address them otherwise. My friend's parents are called "Mr./Mrs. ___".

The exception are the people I work with in EMS. Everybody is on a first name basis regardless of age. Just much easier on-scene.

As far as my relatives, I generally speak Chinese to them, and in Chinese culture the family is very patriarch-based and structured. Each family member has a specific title, and there are different words for aunts/uncles depending on if they are from your mom's side or dad's side.

I've had older relatives freak out on my younger sister (4 years younger than me) because she addressed me by my first name instead of "dah guh" (which means "older brother" in chinese).

 

[VanillaO]

I call my mom by her name. A few years ago, there was a time of a couple weeks when she wasn't repsonding to me when I said Mom (selective deafness?), so I'd start calling DEBRA! It became more and more frequent, and now it's at the point where I call her Debra about 40% of the time, just out of habit :\

 

[joeyl]

any male above 40=gramps

 

[TallLankyBastyd]

I'm 47 years old and still call my parents "mom & dad" and my elders "sir & ma'am"... and...

...they all still call me "gawdammit!!"

 

[Matthew Bryson]

I call my parents “Mom” and “Dad”. As far as other adults, it’s usually first names. I’ve always found it very important to respect my elders and I feel that I do. I do use a good amount of “yes sir” or “no sir” and all of that, but if I know somebody’s name I’ll use it. I sometimes use “Mr. (last name)” But I see nothing disrespectful about an adult calling another adult by his first name.

As far as children are concerned, I don’t like children calling adults by first name. I remember one of my kid’s friends asking my kid “what’s your Dad’s name?” (my kid answered with my name) then the little guy turned to me and said “Hey Matt…” - Let me tell you, my skin crawled and my first thought was ‘this kid’s parents have failed him’ I just smiled and said “It’s Mr. Bryson…”

EDIT - 2nd part = has it changed. Yes it has. As a child I would always call adults Mr. or Mrs. (last name). Even my best friend’s parents.

 

[ric1312]

To me it seems very disrespectful to call your parent by their first name if they have been the one raising you.

To me it just sounds like someone who is so full of themself they can't admit someone is a superior in any sense.

I think of mom/dad as a well deserved title of respect. I even call my in laws mom and dad and not by their first names, because they treat me like family and are very deserving of the titles.

 

[Otso]

Elders as in old people, it's usually "Get the **** out of my way corpse!"

 

[StanFan]

I'm not quite sure how I handle talking to elders in general, but I still refer to my parents as Mom and Dad. I know people who talk to their parents on a first name basis, but as long as the parents are fine with it and they aren't doing it out of disrespect than I don't see it as a problem. I just am personally uncomfortable referring to my parents by their first names.

 

[Atoz]

There was a Brady Bunch episode when I was growing up where Greg started calling his mom and dad "Mike" and "Carol" He looked stupid , so I call my mom and dad- "mom & dad". Actually, I call my mom "ma".

...

That Brady Bunch episode was the first thing I thought of when I started reading this thread. I agree that addressing parents by their first names sounds really stupid, but that's because of how I was raised. I suppose if someone's parents insist on being called by their first names, then it's certainly not my place to complain.