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How do you handle ego without collision

D

DaftCat

Jul 26, 2004
796
2
Medicine Hat
#1
Hi folks,

First, the backdrop...

Went to a house party the other night...musician jam oriented party. Things were going pretty good. Those who knew the tunes played along and those who don't either laid back or watched the guitar necks of those who did and followed.

So this flamenco guy shows up and sorta takes over. Playing flamenco stuff that no one else knows. If we did play something more common he would screw up if he heard a wrong note. Hell, he told an accomplished bassist around town he sucked in front of many and also while another guitarist was tuning he reached over and detuned all the other strings.

The reason this guy wasn't punched out was because this was a Christmas Eve party.


The games....

Anyway, although he never insulted me I decided to have some fun with him.

I overheard him saying he was beyond playing 3-chord songs so I piped up saying why don't we all play together on a 4-chord song instead?

Later he mentioned how he was so sick of playing bass in a band so I replied that in a solo sense I prefer guitar but in a band setting I prefer bass hands down(which is true).

Again later one of the girls wanted to sing Redemption by Marley. While we were playing it he told me I had some of the chords wrong and I shot back I don't really care it's a jam. But I did let him tell me the chords anyway since it was for the girls.

The questions...

How do you deal(or have you dealt) with those like the person I described? For what it is worth I was the only one at the party who screwed with him in this manner.

Thanks for any replies and Merry Christmas!

DCat


PS: Mods if this is in the wrong subforum feel free to move.
 
#2
5 methods of dealing with this situation

1: punch his lights out next time he gets on his high horse (not recomended)
2: lock yourself in your room and practice practice practice untill you can own him on his instrument (time consuming but highly recomended)
3: next time he tells you your playing it wrong keep playing it and tell him to improvise if he's sooo good he shouldnt find it too hard (recomended but risky he might improv some serious quality stuff)
4: screw the guitar while he's playing camping songs concentrate on wooing the ladies (recomended his guitar playing wont looks so flash when your tapping some fine @$$)
5: leave him to it he's up his own pooshoot and obviously cant be reasoned with he's attitude and and lack of manners mean he'll never be in a serious band so despite his talent you could easy form a 3 chord band that made more money and got more tail than he ever will talented or not people like him become the same people you see at bars with no friends who play accoustic sets and smell of stale cheese (its the truth)
 
#3
1. (Agreed).
2. Nah, my peers are content where I am with instrumentation. :)
3. He can't jam. That's one of the craziest parts of this posting.
4. I did. Got asked out but I shot her down(long story).
5. Oh I agree. I think he is part of the "why haven't I been discovered" click.

Thanks for your replies!

DCat
 
#4
After a bit of this I usually put my instrument down, and go hit on his girl friend, if she's at all reasonable looking.

It's win-win. Either he stops playing to go see what's going on, and or I get the attention of his woman . . .

(Actually I made up the above, but it's a fun idea . . .)
 
#5
Wow! I really miss all of the drama of youth and being young. I've run into clowns of this type in my past among musical circles and yes they are pompous strutting asses to put it mildly. I've been in a few loose, party type jam sessions when one of these types show up. Yes they have a little bag of trick licks and such, but they run out of gas fast, and they insult the other musicians present like you've mentioned, because they are people of little substance.

I've shut one these types up one time by complimenting their little bag of tricks style of playing, and asked them when and where they were gigging. He wasn't gigging anywhere nor anytime soon. I didn't wonder why. I replied " That's too bad, cause I was gonna' have a break from my band's busy gig schedule and I thought I'd catch your performance somewhere." Needless to say his preening smart ass 'tude' was adjusted, and he behaved himself the rest of the night.
 
#6
rockdoc11 said:
After a bit of this I usually put my instrument down, and go hit on his girl friend, if she's at all reasonable looking.
/QUOTE]

That is pretty funny. Would be interesting if a couple friends could be brought in on the gag and start sending anonymous drinks to her. Now that is the evil side of me so I don't see that ever happening. I'm more of a turn the other cheek person and would probably just feel sorry for the dude as his issues probably stem from childhood issues. (sounds like dr. phil eh?)
I'm glad this thread was posted becuase it is a reminder that being humble and modest is very important when playing with others. Especially if you are getting compliments from people that are just being genuinely nice. If not careful, the head can swell with these compliments.
Click to expand...
 
#8
well it's a bit difficult to say if he was really talented or if he just knew some tricks. It's also hard to say if he was the only talented one there and the rest of you were terrible. I wasn't there. But who cares?

The most successful players i have had the privelege of playing with have been super nice. I can think of several cats here in CT who get tons of work and have played with everybody. Every one of them is respectful, polite, and a joy to work with and hang around with.

I do know and have played with others who are just as talented as these cats, but who were just hard to work with and had some attitude problems. In many cases their talent level was in line with their egos, but it really didn't matter. None of the players with the nasty attitude issue was able to find lasting success or was able to support themselves reasonably via music. (not that i do, but we're talking really talented individuals here).

The nice guys i mentioned above either had tons of work when they wanted it, or were able to completely support themselves via music. In some cases i could tell you that playing wise i preferred some of the hard to get along with individuals, but i'd never call them over the polite ones.

oh yes, as far as this guy reaching over and detuning another player's strings.............i wouldn't care when or where i was when that happened, i would have knocked his teeth out. :ninja: well, i would have at least insisted to the home owner that either the idiot leave or i leave.
 
#10
Yeah I was about to raise a similar point about attitude and how it gets you a long way when playing in bands with people. I'd rather play with someone who may be slightly less talented than the knob who thinks he's king **** and impossible to work with. Maybe this guy was drunk but that doesn't excuse his behaviour. If he's going to treat people with a total lack of respect he deserves to be treated in kind, and vice versa.
 
#13
I have a ritual that I do with people with egos. Two former very close friends that were mediocre/sub par musicians had prima donna syndrome.

I usually let it go in one ear, piss me off, then let it go out the other ear. When they wouldn't shut up I would say something to embarrass them.

Usually something like "well if you're so ******* good like you make yourself out to be then how come you're not in a band or gigging? Oh thats right, because you're not that good." In their case it was warranted.

Edit: Most of the better musicians here don't have ego's its always the ones with sub par skills or that out right suck that have them.
 
#14
Jake of Bass said:
Yeah I was about to raise a similar point about attitude and how it gets you a long way when playing in bands with people. I'd rather play with someone who may be slightly less talented than the knob who thinks he's king **** and impossible to work with. Maybe this guy was drunk but that doesn't excuse his behaviour. If he's going to treat people with a total lack of respect he deserves to be treated in kind, and vice versa.
Click to expand...

I must add that I also have played with very talented people with huge egos that act like asses. I tend not to form any long term working relationship with those folks. Thankfully I get to play with some mighty fine musicians who are decent people these days. Life's too short to put up with the jerks and little tyrants that make life miserable for others.

At least this clown was just a one night bad experience for the OP. It still leaves a bad aftertaste that lingers so to speak.
 
#17
DaftCat said:
How do you deal(or have you dealt) with those like the person I described? For what it is worth I was the only one at the party who screwed with him in this manner.
Click to expand...

You did pretty much what I would've done, but I might have pushed it a little further. I love jacking around big egos, but I can get away with it because I have over 18,000 posts.
 
#18
DaftCat said:
3. He can't jam. That's one of the craziest parts of this posting.
Click to expand...

I think that is something that separates a real and mature player from a copycat player.

Some of being able to jam is down to pratice and technical ability, but some people can never intuit or evoke a genuine vibe, they are "thinking" the music without really "feeling" it. I think some people are just not capable of reaching that stage, you have to explore that part of your personality to do that. The really sad thing is realizing that someone is actually faking it, whilst believing they are doing it and then realizing that they do not know the difference, it a world closed to them.
 
#19
Outside some forced business / employment relationship,

I can't really imagine someone like that gaining enough importance in my world that anything they would think, say or do would have any impact on me what-so-ever.

Those kinds of people are the easiest and most fun kind of people to just ignore.
 
#20
thefruitfarmer said:
I think that is something that separates a real and mature player from a copycat player.

Some of being able to jam is down to pratice and technical ability, but some people can never intuit or evoke a genuine vibe, they are "thinking" the music without really "feeling" it. I think some people are just not capable of reaching that stage, you have to explore that part of your personality to do that. The really sad thing is realizing that someone is actually faking it, whilst believing they are doing it and then realizing that they do not know the difference, it a world closed to them.
Click to expand...

Wow, you sure resurrected an old zombie thread.

Anyway FWIW: Had I'd been in the OP's situation, when it stopped being fun I probably would have just left party.
 

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