I think it's a great sound, but if you're trying for the Jamerson vibe, two things could make it a bit more period-appropriate.
1) Foam or palm-muting to lose some of the sustain. The note should get out of the way as soon as you hit it.
2) It has a little too much jazz growl. I would try playing over the neck pickup or roll the bridge pickup off a bit. And maybe play a bit harder.
Nice job.
Thanks man I totally agree. I've been thinking about trying to use foam recently and I wasn't thinking too much about my right hand positioning so I'll definitely try that out.