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How would you handle this?

slaps76

slaps76

Jul 10, 2008
543
17
Peabody, MA
www.midnightgoggles.com
#1
I could make this a long story, but I'll just keep it simple without the whole background as much as possible.

I'm in two cover bands. One is my baby, which I'm a band leader in. We've only been playing since December, and we've gotten some good gigs, and have some good venues & shows on the books, which I've booked all of with the exception of one bar.

I'm in another band I was in a couple years ago, then left, then came back since this past Nov or so. They're a tight band, but way too much dead air, takes them forever to learn songs, they simply don't have their sh*t together, and will never be able to book at the "good" bars because of this, however they don't see it that way. I was done arguing with them over this stuff a while back, so now just keep my mouth shut, however they know my stance on it.

I found out they're looking for a new bassist behind my back. In their ad, what stood out to me was "looking for someone who will help book & promote the band, not just show up and play." So I get it, they're not happy seeing my new band playing at the venues they've been chasing for years, knowing I landed these gigs.

Here's the catch: they have their next gig(one of three in June) the first weekend of June. I wish I could just send them an email, politely telling them to screw and good luck finding someone to fill in(since their ad says they have a 'fill-in' until they find someone, which they've nicely demoted me to, without just asking me like adults).

Here's the catch: one of their band leaders is a HVAC guy by trade, and is putting in an A/C system in my condo, scheduled for this coming weekend, haha. I've already paid for about half the job(materials). I'm afraid if I confront them now, they're going to backpedal, and ask me to play the scheduled gigs with them until they find someone, which I do NOT want to do now. However if I just walk away, this guy could screw me over with the A/C stuff...

What do you all think? I could wait until after the A/C is in and walk, but the nice guy in me is telling myself I'd be screwing over the two "non band leaders" who probably didn't have much of a say in replacing me, and I don't dislike as people.
 
#2
If the gigs are worth the effort, then keep the peace until your system is installed, play the gigs as a favor for the other hired hands and make sure you get paid. When everything reaches a tidy point, let them know that you are leaving the band and let them know that when a band has a leader, it is up to the leader to treat the band as a business and make clear decisions and be up front about it. Your dude sounds like he is handling this like a bozo.
 
#3
What would you expect of a disgruntled member of your "good" band? Wouldn't you want him to play out the gigs you have booked or until a replacement is found? So you should be professional and play out the schedule with the "lame" band or until a replacement is ready to step in. The A/C job is irrelavent. It's his job, his profession, his bread and butter, he's not going to screw it up over the band issues. IMHO.
 
#4
Beller said:
What would you expect of a disgruntled member of your "good" band? Wouldn't you want him to play out the gigs you have booked or until a replacement is found? So you should be professional and play out the schedule with the "lame" band or until a replacement is ready to step in. The A/C job is irrelavent. It's his job, his profession, his bread and butter, he's not going to screw it up over the band issues. IMHO.
Click to expand...

I'm not disgruntled over them finding a replacement...it's the fact they didn't talk to me about it, instead just putting an ad up on Craigslist(which I emailed from an account they wouldn't recognize to confirm it was them by the reponse). If they told me "hey we want someone who's more into booking the band" or whatever reason I'd be fine. Remember, they have no idea I know they're looking for a replacement, it's not me stepping down.

I know this is hypocritical, but if I had to fire & replace someone in my band, I'd do the same, try to find someone who can get up to speed while I get their replacement. Except I found out they were doing this.

I don't know. I feel like I should confront them at least, so they know how stupid they are putting up an ad that was fairly obvious who they were, even in a major city like Boston. But I'm at the point where I really don't want to fill in for them now.
 
#7
I'm definitely voting with get the AC done before you do ANYTHING

But I have to say, if you're willing to admit in this thread that you'd do the same, I'm really scratching my head as to why you have enough of an issue with it to feel that you need to do something to them.

Tell them you know, you'll honor your commitments and you'd appreciate not being blindsided or left hanging out to dry on anything as they transition, so don't pull any sneaky crap.
 
#9
slaps76 said:
Oh, and he's doing the AC job on the side, so it's not screwing up his profession. He's got $1,800 of my cash right now, I don't want to get screwed.
Click to expand...

Oh, yeah? Your state's contractors board would love to hear about this as would his employer. Unfinished, permit-less work in Virginia is verboten and will get you cited & fined. He know's this, too, and would probably like to keep his license.

Riis
 
#10
drpepper said:
I'm definitely voting with get the AC done before you do ANYTHING

But I have to say, if you're willing to admit in this thread that you'd do the same, I'm really scratching my head as to why you have enough of an issue with it to feel that you need to do something to them.

Tell them you know, you'll honor your commitments and you'd appreciate not being blindsided or left hanging out to dry on anything as they transition, so don't pull any sneaky crap.
Click to expand...

Because I wouldn't be shocked if the person I was looking to replace behind their back didn't just pick up and walk if they found out either. It's not like there's some major personality conflicts in this band, we all get along, and some of us even hang out a little outside of the band. They could have just talked to me about it.

Anyway, I'll wait until the AC is done, and bring it up. I don't know yet if I'm going to force them to find a sub or drop the gigs, or if I'll be willing to play them.
 
#11
Forget about your wounded ego.

Be a better person than them. As soon as the AC job is done, give them a reasonable date that you will be leaving - like maybe 4 or 6 weeks down the road. The standard "Minnesota nice" (aka, passive agressive) way to handle this is to only tell them the "good" part of the truth - that your new band is really taking off, you're going to be too busy to be playing in two bands at the same time, and it wouldn't be fair to them to get less than your full effort. Forget about telling them the other crap.

Then you can walk away and you won't have burned any bridges. Believe me, you WILL be crossing musical career paths with some of these guys again.
 
#13
slaps76 said:
Thanks. That's a good idea. Tell them if they need me to fill in for a few weeks I can then I'm out.
Click to expand...

I would be more specific than that. Rather than wording it as "a few weeks", set a hard date and be prepared to stick to it. I recently left a band that rolled very much the way you describe and if they're as unmotivated as that, the only way they'll ever get serious about finding a permanent replacement is if they're in panic mode with a hard cutoff and gigs at risk. Do NOT just leave it at, "until you guys find someone else" cause that just enables them to keep doing what they've done.
 
#14
BTW, good on you for not wasting your booking skills putting your lame former band into venues where they'd flop with their lack of professionalism. Your former band may be wondering why you didn't put the effort into booking those gigs while they were your main band but they should kind of be able to put 2 and 2 together on that point by now. Like I said I was very much in your same situation for several years and once I realized the band wasn't making any progress and wasn't interesting in maintaining more than a minimum status quo, I pretty much checked-out of the whole booking thing. I would show up for whatever gigs the other guys booked, but I wasn't out beating the bushes for more business myself.
 
#15
jaywa said:
I would be more specific than that. Rather than wording it as "a few weeks", set a hard date and be prepared to stick to it. I recently left a band that rolled very much the way you describe and if they're as unmotivated as that, the only way they'll ever get serious about finding a permanent replacement is if they're in panic mode with a hard cutoff and gigs at risk. Do NOT just leave it at, "until you guys find someone else" cause that just enables them to keep doing what they've done.
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Definitely. They have a decent amount on the books, so I can pick a date and stick with it...
 
#16
jaywa said:
BTW, good on you for not wasting your booking skills putting your lame former band into venues where they'd flop with their lack of professionalism. Your former band may be wondering why you didn't put the effort into booking those gigs while they were your main band but they should kind of be able to put 2 and 2 together on that point by now. Like I said I was very much in your same situation for several years and once I realized the band wasn't making any progress and wasn't interesting in maintaining more than a minimum status quo, I pretty much checked-out of the whole booking thing. I would show up for whatever gigs the other guys booked, but I wasn't out beating the bushes for more business myself.
Click to expand...

I used to have flat out arguments with them over their dead air and lack of managing their time with set lists, breaks, ect....and I'm not the only one they've heard it from. Somehow they think they're above all that.
 
#17
Tell them of your intent to leave. Give them a drop dead date (end of June?). Make it clear that you have no part in auditioning or teaching the new bassist. Raise your rate for the next few gigs ... it'll either get you out immediately or give them incentive to replace you ASAP.
 

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