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I have no other outlet...and I apologize........

Hot Rats

Hot Rats

Jul 29, 2000
6,973
25,292
California
#1
.............But my friend of 40 years cracked his skull open in the bathroom and after an induced, prolonged coma, and then finally having the brain swelling subside and being taken off the drugs and pain killers, still shows no signs of response. He has now been given his last rights and I wait, until whenever, to find out when he has passes, leaving me with an overwhelming sense of anxiety I cannot shake.. I have not seen this dude for 15 years, yet he is still like a brother to me and although nobody around me ever knew this guy and I have no one to share my pain with, I feel the need to reach out into the ether to anyone who might know my pain and express how sad I am. I have not been this lost since my son died. Peace everyone and take care of yourselves. Don't go slippin' where you shoudna' be slippin'.
 
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#5
My friend, no apology is necessary. Thank you for having the courage to share with us what's going on and your raw emotions. That's rough alright, then more challenging when you have no one by your side to talk to.
Stand by your buddy until he passes and hang on to those memories that motivate you to care for him.

-Mike
 
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#6
MJ5150 said:
My friend, no apology is necessary. Thank you for having the courage to share with us what's going on and your raw emotions. That's rough alright, then more challenging when you have no one by your side to talk to.
Stand by your buddy until he passes and hang on to those memories that motivate you to care for him.

-Mike
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@Hot Rats, I'm so sorry for your loss. You may not be over the loss of your son and this compounds it. Just hold onto the fact that through the ordeal with your son, you're still standing. Draw strength from your relationship with your friend and the joy you brought him and he brought you.
You are in my prayers.
 
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#9
Many condolences. I kinda know how you feel (though no one but you truly knows. ) On 4th of July I went to visit my buddy of 35 years only to find he'd passed overnight. I still miss him. I think you have to see the pain and worry you're feeling as a consequence of deep caring. Nothing wrong with that. Be strong.
 
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#10
Sorry for what you are going through. You hadn't seem him in years, but it sounds like you were still in touch remotely? Don't know what to say to make it better in this moment except that time will help make this easier.

30 years ago, I had a buddy pass away unexpectedly who lived several states away. Still miss him, but now more of my memories just crack me up laughing about the absolutely stupid wild fun we had. Situations on a level never repeated since (likely for the best, I'm still around and kicking).
 
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#15
Hot Rats said:
I have not been this lost since my son died. Peace everyone and take care of yourselves. Don't go slippin' where you shoudna' be slippin'.
Click to expand...
I don't know you, @Hot Rats, but I do know where you are sitting. I know words don't erase the anxiety of the loss, so all I can offer is a hand on the shoulder so you know you aren't sitting alone in this experience.

When I was a younger man I went through life like I was invincible. I really did not think about the final journey we all make, or how fleeting our time can be. It felt like we had forever. I'd let friendships fall away over the years, yet they were close in my mind and heart. It wasn't until I hit this chapter in my life where friends and family are passing that I started thinking more about staying connected to those I stayed close to.

For me, that first loss shook me to my core. It took a long time for me to find my peace. For me, the loss was only half of my pain. The other half was guilt around this question: "Why didn't I try harder to stay in touch?"

We can't always stay connected with friends, all we can do is make sure the time we have with them --when we have it-- is well spent. You wear your heart on your sleeve and feelings run deep, and I am sure your friend's life was much improved by having you in his life! If you are carrying guilt over the time apart, set it aside. You did the import parts: being a friend when you had time together, and honoring his memory at this hard time.
 
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#16
Scandinavian proverb:
"Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow".

The meaning of the proverb is that sharing our emotional experiences with others, particularly those we trust, helps to lessen the burden of negative feelings and enhances the happiness of positive ones.
Empathy and mutual support make suffering more bearable and increase overall well-being in a community or friendship.
 
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#17
Hot Rats said:
.............But my friend of 40 years cracked his skull open in the bathroom and after an induced, prolonged coma, and then finally having the brain swelling subside and being taken off the drugs and pain killers, still shows no signs of response. He has now been given his last rights and I wait, until whenever, to find out when he has passes, leaving me with an overwhelming sense of anxiety I cannot shake.. I have not seen this dude for 15 years, yet he is still like a brother to me and although nobody around me ever knew this guy and I have no one to share my pain with, I feel the need to reach out into the ether to anyone who might know my pain and express how sad I am. I have not been this lost since my son died. Peace everyone and take care of yourselves. Don't go slippin' where you shoudna' be slippin'.
Click to expand...
No need to apologize, brother. We bass players take care of our own. Some friendships aren't diminished by time, they pick up right where they left off despite whatever time as passed. So sorry to hear about your buddy.
 
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#18
At my age I've lived long enough to have lost parents, grandparents, a wife, and more than a few friends. And death is the ultimate example of final, no way to change it.

Through my losses I learned two things that stood me in as good stead as they could in life's hardest moments:

1) IF it were up to me, they'd still be here. Unfortunately, it was NOT up to me, I had NO say in the matter.

2) IF I am going to live by faith, I can only trust that #1 above is working to a plan that will NEVER be explained to me, so I have to live in faith that that plan, nonetheless, is perfect and correct.

My condolences and hope time will be good to you to help recovering from this.
These are the times that illustrate just how mercilessly hard this world can be at the drop of a hat.

All the Best

JW
 
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#20
One of my great friends and mentors passed away a few days ago. I had only seen him once in the past 10 years. He went in for surgery recently and caught pneumonia which turned into sepsis. According to his son the last thing he ever said when asked "How he was feeling" was that he was fine and over at my place hanging out with me.

So my condolences brother, I know what you're going through. I appreciate you opening up, which in turn allowed me to share about my friend.
 
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