• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

I need a pep talk....

I

IbanezBass69

Jul 14, 2010
304
1
Minnesota
#1
Ok, I need someone to slap me in the face and tell me to sack up. Here is why:
I had a band, the singer quit. We found a new one. Well, the drummer now started college, and it takes a ton of his time. I do not hold this against him, school is important. However, the band pretty much does nothing, because we can never get together as a group. Yeah, I know, I can hardly call it a band. So, I randomly met someone who is a very serious musician (see post about new band) and I have started a project playing metal. I don't care what anyone says about that, I love metal music. Anyway, I now for some reason cannot bring myself to tell my other band members that I have started something new. I know I have the right to, don't need their permission, and they shouldn't be mad. Except they might look at it as "How can you do that band and not this one??!!!"
Now, I know me and the drummer will remain friends, I love the kid to death. The singer I hardly know, so therefore it doesn't matter either way to me. So, seriously, someone tell me to grow a pair dangit....
Sorry, megapost...

Too long, didn't read: Tell me to grow up and act like a man, otherwise I don't deserve this awesome of an instrument.
 
#2
Doesn't sound like there's any deep commitment to the main band. Propose that everyone take a hiatus to check out other scenes, and see if you gravitate back towards each other. But for goodness sakes, grow up and act like a man! :)
 
#5
This isn't as big a deal as you think it is.

Nor do you need to tell them. Frankly, and this is IMO, unless there's gigs on the books and a schedule conflict, it's none of their business and something they don't need to know.
 
#6
The music business is a brutal slap to the face at all times. Just tell them that because they aren't doing anything, you've been looking at other musicians. It's nothing personal, but you aspire to do more and this is an opportunity you think will be best for you.

If they can't respect that, then you be the bigger man and wait until they're not around to throw up the finger.

tl;dr Grow a pair. Just wait until you have to fire somebody. Confrontation is instantly less difficult afterward.
 
#7
Jive1 is right; this is very common in the music business.

The only way you'll get (or should expect) loyalty and commitment from most musicians is if:

a) you have a record deal
b) you have enough gigs to sustain a band
c) they REALLY love your music
d) you're paying them

Otherwise, you should expect varying degrees of commitment and interest. I've found that it's a good idea to set realistic expectations up front, so that no one is disappointed. Also, unless you have contractual obligations, you don't really owe anyone an explanation, but it may be the courteous thing to do.

Good luck!
 
#8
Thanks for all the replies! They seem to be along the lines of my thinking. I wish I could get away with just not telling them, since they don't gig or anything anyway. But for the sake of the occasional jam, and since the singer was somewhat serious about the project, I should probably put it out there. I do like the idea of suggesting a hiatus however....
 
#9
IbanezBass69 said:
Ok, I need someone to slap me in the face and tell me to sack up. Here is why:
I had a band, the singer quit. We found a new one. Well, the drummer now started college, and it takes a ton of his time. I do not hold this against him, school is important. However, the band pretty much does nothing, because we can never get together as a group. Yeah, I know, I can hardly call it a band. So, I randomly met someone who is a very serious musician (see post about new band) and I have started a project playing metal. I don't care what anyone says about that, I love metal music. Anyway, I now for some reason cannot bring myself to tell my other band members that I have started something new. I know I have the right to, don't need their permission, and they shouldn't be mad. Except they might look at it as "How can you do that band and not this one??!!!"
Now, I know me and the drummer will remain friends, I love the kid to death. The singer I hardly know, so therefore it doesn't matter either way to me. So, seriously, someone tell me to grow a pair dangit....
Sorry, megapost...

Too long, didn't read: Tell me to grow up and act like a man, otherwise I don't deserve this awesome of an instrument.
Click to expand...

meet them down the pub and tell them face to face.if they all can't make it ring them up and explain you're reasons.they and you don't owe eachother anything.:hyper:
 
#10
If you have the time, there is no reason you can't have more than 1 project. And, if you tell everyone up front about it, it might possibly motivate them to get their acts together and start taking the band seriously. If it doesn't, then you have no reason feeling guilty about a band that's doing nothing but wasting time anyway.
 
#12
I don't think you need to make a big deal out of telling the others, but no need to keep it some big secret either. Just when they ask you what you've been up to, you can mention that you met this metal act and, since the other guys hadn't been getting together and you had time on your hands, you've been playing with them lately. If the first band still wants to get together and play, you could play in both if the scheduling works out. If it doesn't, play with the group that shows the most commitment. Don't make it a big personal deal and don't burn any bridges.
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back