Good to recognize when it's time.
But wait, you left before firing the drummer?
But wait, you left before firing the drummer?
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I saw myself to the door...
- Thread starter Gustopher
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- quitting band
I was in a band where everyone had day gigs and we played weekends.
It took off. Over time, I was the last one with a day gig, 5-7 nights a week. Two years later, I was so sleep-deprived I could not remember which house was mine one morning about 3AM, and I was stone-cold sober. That was that.
Family and a 'real job' come first, and way smarter than I was to recognize this.
It took off. Over time, I was the last one with a day gig, 5-7 nights a week. Two years later, I was so sleep-deprived I could not remember which house was mine one morning about 3AM, and I was stone-cold sober. That was that.
Family and a 'real job' come first, and way smarter than I was to recognize this.
Family first! Sounds like your home life is awesome. So congrats on that.
This may or may not work for you but....
I started a bandage up of parents like me. We do about a show a month. Theyre5all local. We don't travel much....about 20 miles at most. Any member has show veto rights. Between now amd September we have 5 shows on the books and I'm fine with that. And one of those is at a local park where my kids can come.
Either way.... There's plenty of time to worry about that later. Good luck with whatever is next!
I feel ya bro.....
I know how hard it is to rip off that band aid.....
You gotta do whats right for you.
Its a hard decision to make....but family comes first.
I know how hard it is to rip off that band aid.....
You gotta do whats right for you.
Its a hard decision to make....but family comes first.
I was just talking to my bro in law about something kind of similar...his son, my nephew, is a drummer in 2 very good and popular bands. My nephew just announced that he was going to hang up the sticks for a while. My bro in law couldnt understand it. I told him that if your heart isnt 100% into it, being in a band and gigging can be a huge drag. Think about what goes into being in a band, then what goes into gigging. Its alot of work, and if you dont love it, dont do it...at least for a while. Kids are only little for a little while. And spending time with your family is way more important.
I did a similar thing in my mid 20s - the added complication for me was that my first job involved rotating shift work, so that sometimes interfered with rehearsals in the evenings after the other guys had finished work/university and meant there were weeks I wasn't available for gigs. I regret nothing. I found another band that were more low key, great guys, just wanting to jam and have fun, and play about half a dozen gigs a year. After a while I started travelling for work - I was away almost 50% of the year - and I didn't play with other people at all for years. But time passes, circumstances change, I got back into it eventually.
Kudos to you for making a decision that's right for you and also thinking of the band.
I was in a similar situation many years ago but unfortunately the remaining band members decided to bad-mouth me for leaving.
All water under the bridge now.
I tend to look for bands that are only wanting to play as often as me nowadays ( 2 or 3 times a month ) and have been lucky.
I was in a similar situation many years ago but unfortunately the remaining band members decided to bad-mouth me for leaving.
All water under the bridge now.
I tend to look for bands that are only wanting to play as often as me nowadays ( 2 or 3 times a month ) and have been lucky.
Recognizing priorities is important in having a productive, happy life that considers the needs of others, particularly family.
In my book, your decision makes you a giver, rather than a taker....a trait far too uncommon in our evolving society.
Good on you, and congratulations on a great decision!
Best wishes.
Koog
In my book, your decision makes you a giver, rather than a taker....a trait far too uncommon in our evolving society.
Good on you, and congratulations on a great decision!
Best wishes.
Koog
Ya gotta do what ya gotta do. I never had kids, and my wife of 30 years has always supported my musical endeavors. But now, at 73 years, I'm starting to feel like some sort of " normal " home life is desired. She will be retiring as a nurse in a few months, and we've talked about going on trips whenever we get the urge. Although I'm not playing nearly as much as I used to, still, I have to factor in my gigging schedule in to whether or not we can do anything. Might be time to just let it go, and do the sub thing on an infrequent basis. Good on you for having the courage to do the right thing.
I would NEVER fault anyone for wanting to spend more time with their family. I have tried to make it very clear to the band I am playing with that my family comes first. That is why I stayed out of the music scene for so many years. I waited until both of my biological kids were out of high school and moved out on their own. I still have a step-son at home that is very active, and he is basically my kid in all ways but biological. But I needed music in my life again and my wife was enthusiastically supportive, as is the youngest. I am in this to have fun, maybe play a few shows around town, record an album or three but that's the extent of what I want to do. I don't want to tour the tri-state area or anything like that. Don't feel bad one bit for putting your family first. Time with your kids, especially, is a precious thing!
I did the same thing almost a year ago. My band situation alternated between super frustrating and 'best thing ever'. But life and family got complicated and needed to be priority. I definitely miss them and the music, but I made the right choice for now, we'll see what the future holds later.
