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Knowing that you have to quit.

R

Rypher

Feb 4, 2008
23
0
#1
I've been debating posting about this for a while now. I'm currently in a gigging original metal band and am quite happy. We have quite a few shows lined up, are planning on recording (for free), and writing more material. I mesh well with everyone and am having a fantastic time with this band, which I joined thanks to Craigslist.

However, this fall marks my senior year of college and I'm going to be quite busy. I live an hour away from the band's practice space, which during the summer is fine, but it's impossible to continue during school.

It was already an arduous process for them to find a bassist, and now I feel they will be hesitant to let me go without complaining or fighting. School always comes before outside music work, and I'm firm on that stance. Knowing this, when should I break the news to the band that I have to quit? I feel that I should give them ample time to start looking for a new bassist, but I don't want them to feel that I'm not giving it all at our shows or generally dampening the mood for them.

Advice?
 
#2
Just start by talking to them about what you're seeing as coming down the line for you personally. Maybe you can come up with some agreement that works better for you and let's you stay in the band.
I recently went through a similar thing... was working so much I couldn't dedicate enough practice time to get the material down for my band. I ended up just sitting down with the bandmates and explaining to them what was happening. We came up with an agreement that worked well; I played bass for all of the tunes and shows that I knew well, and they'd bring on another cat to fill in going forward.

It ended up working out well for me, as I got a new day job and have more than enough time now to keep up my end.
 
#5
Perhaps you could meet at least once a week. During the rest of the week, have them jam out and record it on to a comp. They can send you the material and you can lay down a line and work it out from there. Its obviously not like the real thing, but if worse comes to worse and they cannot find somebody.. there is no reason to put the music making on a complete halt, ya know? My boys band had a similar thing, where the singer/guitarist had to finish up college several hours away. They managed to rough it out, stick together, and then gig during vacations and such. Perhaps this new type of jamming/song making can open up new doors in the music making process.
 
#6
Well, I just played my way through college. Didn't even have a car my senior year, so a bandmate would pick me up. But, hey, that's me.

Only one thing you can do---tell them as soon as possible. Just bare up to it. They should handle it fine. If they don't, then it's just another thing to bare up to again. You'll be fine. After all, you're doing it for a good cause. But, like said above, maybe there's a way to not have to quit.
 
#7
If you value what the band is doing then I'd let them know as soon as possible. Let them know that you'll play with them as long as possible, maybe you'll even help them audition new bassists if you can find them soon enough.

I've been in this situation recently. I found my answer after thinking about what I would regret more: staying with my band but regret doing poorly in my courses (I was entering grad. school at the time) or having the time to do well but regret leaving a great band.
 
#8
Rypher said:
.... this fall marks my senior year of college and I'm going to be quite busy..
Click to expand...

IME, you need to take care of your priorities first. Wish your bandmates well and do what you can to help them find a replacement. I'd commit to play all the gigs up until school starts but that's about it.

My senior year consisted of 15 hours a day, 7 days a week. Sometimes over 20 hours a day finishing up my research papers and prepping for presentations.

My wife returned to school a few years ago for a BA/MA and it was grueling to say the least. Establishing yourself in a career is tough enough, doing it w/o giving 100%, to me, wasn't right for me or my wife.

Good luck.
 

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