He agreed to the gig. Wanted us to switch. The place he wanted to switch gigs with was WAAAAAY worse.
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Lead Guitar player quits over Newyear gig.
- Thread starter Rathead123
- Start date
Disappearing during breaks usually = drugs. Wife sounds like a control freak. Be glad he's gone. Made his own choice...
No, I aint gonna say. They have been good to us. And the band prior to this one too. Weve done Newyears at this place several years.
I was in a band where the keyboardist was pretty damn anti-social! He would disappear during breaks to go outside and sit in his car with his wife. He would NEVER answer his phone or reply to e-mails! Left us hanging after months of rehearsals and just as we were just about to be getting booked by an agent! Agent calls us and says 'hey, one of your band members is in a bio for another band I book'! Say what? Said we had to make him choose a band.......he chose the other band! The band coulda been one of the best in the area! :scowl: I quit after that! 6 months later, dude comes back and guitarist calls me to say we're getting back together! I told him not with that guy, I won't be playing! They get another bassist and gig a good year and lo and behold, he bolts again, killing the band in the process! I was told he refused to play gigs on major holidays mainly Xmas and New Years! How do you turn down $3k-$4k gigs?!?! Nothing worse than cats who screw up bands instead of just quitting and asking the band to find a replacement! I think it's pretty damn selfish and disrepectful!
- Sep 4, 2010
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- Endorsing: Martin Keith Guitars
Had something like that with a singer many many moons ago-she left the band with a long this-and-that-blabla letter, with booked gigs and all. We had new singer in place 1 week later who was much better to boot. THEN she got really furious.
Anyone who thinks the show cant go on without them deserves to be left behind in the dust for being a 2-year old.
(NOte: We lost that 2nd singer 3 months later too-we noticed she had started to carry around a bible all the time, and then she decided to become a Jehovah's Witness. But that is different
)
Anyone who thinks the show cant go on without them deserves to be left behind in the dust for being a 2-year old.
(NOte: We lost that 2nd singer 3 months later too-we noticed she had started to carry around a bible all the time, and then she decided to become a Jehovah's Witness. But that is different
)
Obviously you can't have players like that make up the core of your band. I learned that lesson long ago. Sometimes the greatest, most naturally gifted players are also the most insanely dysfunctional people on earth. I am beginning to believe in the concept of a "Devil's Bargain" - these guys asked to be great players and were granted that wish - but the cost was a partial lobotomy resulting in a fundamental inability to be counted on.
Our solution was to put together a core band that consisted of rock-solid, reliable, and competent players who can pull off any and all gig needs and to leave the door open for our gifted, but afflicted friends to join in when the planets align, they can get a ride, get their guitar our of hock, get out of jail or rehab, come out of hiding, are returned to earth by the aliens who seem to come down and scoop them up every so often...
You get my drift, right? We tell them - "No worries - we'll keep you in the loop - if you can make it, we'd love to have you - if you can't, life will go on without you."
Our solution was to put together a core band that consisted of rock-solid, reliable, and competent players who can pull off any and all gig needs and to leave the door open for our gifted, but afflicted friends to join in when the planets align, they can get a ride, get their guitar our of hock, get out of jail or rehab, come out of hiding, are returned to earth by the aliens who seem to come down and scoop them up every so often...
You get my drift, right? We tell them - "No worries - we'll keep you in the loop - if you can make it, we'd love to have you - if you can't, life will go on without you."
+1 agree on that. I played alot of years in a core band. None of us were great, but we all worked at the same goals. To gig, make money, and have fun. We played out 60-70 dates a year, never argued, no one ever missed a practice, or a gig for that matter. Greatest band Id ever been in. The new G-tar dude seems down to earth, so we might be headed in the right direction. After all he came in on real short notice, the Thursday before Newyear, knew most of the songs, and songs he didnt know, layed back enough not to mess them up, then smoked the lead solos like he knew them.
Eh I realize I was a little cranky when I posted. Wasn't my intention to sound mean - if he just wants to vent and get comments that's fantastic by me. I was just confused and in a sour mood.
My comment - sounds like the OP did the right thing.
I cannot stress this enough: If you are a person, you owe it to yourself to read this book.
The Psychopath Test
This book informed me that I was not in a band with an "eccentric artist" that we could learn to deal with. Actually, I was in a band with a parasitic, predatory, manipulative, deceitful person with an abnormal brain, who is physiologically incapable of acting like a normal human being. Quitting that band felt like I was cutting my heart out, but now that I can look back, I am SOOOOOOOoooooo glad that I did.
The book is short, entertaining, funny, and will make you a better judge of all characters - women, men, musicians, car salesmen, lawyers, doctors, plumbers, teachers, kids, etc. - for the rest of your life.
Anyone in Northern VA - I will gladly give you my copy of the book. Also, anyone in Northern VA who personally knows me, you know exactly whom I'm talking about and will defend to the grave everything I've said.
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I think "rathole" is a franchise deal. You can call the bar what you want, but it has to be up to rathole standards.
Or chasing tail.
Or having gear issues and chasing parts.
Or having problems with the missus at home and on the phone.
Calling kids to say goodnight.
Or don't like your band mates.
Or don't like the venue, patrons or management.
Getting a drink at a venue down the road.
Grabbing some eat from a takeout.
Playing where your mates live and catching up with them outside during breaks.
Bad case of tinnitus and need a break from noise.
Etc etc sic ad nauseum.
There are a lot of reasons someone might leave the band during a break. Not all of them are bad.
Now "A" is say'in "Shoulda talked to ya'l about this before we agreed on Newyears gig". I say "you think"? Never will understand why people wont comunicate.
It's a faux pas to quote yourself, and to revive a dead thread, but I can't help myself in this case.
I got an update about the guitar player in a previous band. Quick summary - he was a dead ringer for 18 out of 20 traits on the Hare Psychopath Checklist - a diagnostic tool used by clinical psychologists to identify psychopaths. The 2 traits that he didn't peg were "sexual promiscuity" and "many short romantic/sexual relationships". He's been married for a long time and did a lot of traveling for business. He wasn't an angel on this topic, but had IMO strayed a "reasonably normal" amount, all things considered.
Some of my friends went to one of the previous band's shows a few months ago, had a conversation with the guitar player ("GP"), and learned that:
1. GP has "turned his life around" (impulsive lying, glibness/charm, manipulative)
2. GP has "quit drinking" but appeared to be high (marijuana) (impulsive lying, manipulative, irresponsibility)
3. GP has "no hard feelings [against me] and really misses [me]" (shallow affect, glibness/charm, manipulative)
4. GP was drinking iced milk at the bar (this one is a little harder to peg, but if he thought he would get attention for drinking mustard, he would order a big glass of mustard. I guess it goes to the charm & manipulative traits, but interpretations may vary)
He has "quit drinking" and/or "quit smoking" (tobacco and/or marijuana) at least half a dozen times since I met him. A common description of a psychopath is someone who will "change skins like a chameleon" in order to show you whatever you need to see. It's the ultimate manipulative personality.
Now here it gets deeper. One of the ladies at the table is drawn into his act (she loves the stray puppy routine) and gives him lots of attention. Later that night he sends her a facebook message saying that they "really connected" and "would love to hook up with you some time". The message was longer, but every part was focused on "let's get together for dating or sex".
DING. 19 out of 20.
You might say there's a difference between "seeking opportunities" and "going through with it," but I was in a band with this guy for a long time. There is no difference to him. See also Psychopath Checklist Traits "poor behavioral control," "impulsivity," "irresponsibility," "failure to accept responsibility for his actions," "lack of remorse or guilt," and "criminal versatility," all of which he has in excess.
OMFG, I am so glad that I extracted myself from that band. Of all the people I have ever met in my entire life, all around the world, he is the #1 worst person I have ever encountered. Get the book, read the book, never let yourself be the victim of a psychopath.
