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Live effects from a laptop

Hey guys,
what are some good programs to load a laptop with? Say I was going to play live and wanted to use a laptop program for nice sounding drum sounds or something, what would I use? Realistic samples, stuff like that? And if my laptop doesn't have a line out, would an earphone jack be loud enough or would I need to amplify it before going into a DI of some sort? aaah, someone please teach me! :)
 
Built in audio inputs/outputs on laptops are quite simply attrocious. Get yourself a USB or firewire audio device for a start.

Now, you ask for effects in the thread title, but then ask for beats in the body text. Are you after both?

I have very little experience in this area, but I always put my vote in for Ableton Live for live looping etc. Also, Guitar Rig will handle the effects. My guitarist manages to run both program simultaneously on a laptop without too much drama.
 
It should work great. Laptop audio interfaces won't sound as nice as professional gear, but they'll get the job done, especially if you're not depending on its input, which can be noisy, and especially if you're playing live. Your headphone jack might actually be a little too hot, but if you turn down it should play nice. Adjusting the volume knob while playing might well be very noisy though. Best to set it and make any further volume adjustments in real time.

If you're just looking to play back beats Hydrogen might be a good place to start. It's very easy to use. I don't know how well it works on Windows, which I assume you're running but there's no reason not to try.

EDIT: You'll probably want to run it through at least an EQ before amplifying though. Your PA (which I assume you'll be using) might be able to accomplish that.

As for effects, I've used my laptop to apply effects to my bass and been pleased with the result. The software I used tended to crash, which gives me second thoughts about putting it into action, but the sound was nothing I'd be ashamed to perform with. A slightly less noisy interface would be a choice upgrade, but my results with onboard sound weren't unworkable. You do need to have a full-duplex (meaning it can play and record concurrently) sound card to apply live effects.
 
Ableton Live is a really good place to start. Fantastic, useful effects, great looping facilities for beats etc., built in sampler and drum synth. Look out for Computer Music magazine. They often have good beat / drum samples on the covered mounted disk. In fact if you get into this and need some samples, let me know... ;)