Musicians’ jokes

[BassyBill]

Please, be gentle. I’ll start.

A tuba player and a hedgehog get run over by a truck. Whose demise is the more tragic loss?

The hedgehog, because he might have been on his way to a gig.

 

[5StringBlues]

What does a bassist use for birth control?



His personality.

 

[BassyBill]

How do you get your guitarist to turn his volume right down? Put some written music in front of him.

 

[BassyBill]

What’s the difference between a pizza and a cellist? A pizza can feed a family of four.

what’s the difference between a mandolin and a banjo? A banjo burns for longer.

 

[5StringBlues]

What do you call 1,000 banjos at the bottom of the ocean?



A good start.

 

[fhm555]

What’s the difference between a symphony orchestra and a bull?
the bull has horns up front and the A hole in back.

Words you never hear around here…
Yep. That’s the banjo player’s Porsche out front.

Difference between a trumpet and an onion?
No one cries when they chop up a trumpet.

what does a stripper do to her A hole before she goes to work?
Drops him and his guitar off at rehearsal.

what do you call a bassist who just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

 

[Bunk McNulty]

Q: How many Nashville bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 20. One to change it, and 19 to stand around saying “I can do that!”

 

[NZBassman]

what do you call a band that offers free flu shots to their fans?
Flu Fighters

How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The keyboard player can do it with one hand.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the country singer.

Q:How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 6 - One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was

Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

Q: What's the last thing the drummer said before he was fired from the band?
A: Hey - I've got an idea for a song

 

[Killing Floor]

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?



A drummer

 

[NZBassman]

Q: How does a drummer make their car go faster

A: Take the Pizza delivery sign off the top

 

[5StringBlues]

Why did the chicken cross the road?



Because he was safety pinned to the punk rocker.

 

[fhm555]

How can you tell when a drummer is knocking on your door?
they slow down and speed up, and they never know when to cone in.

Did you hear about the bassist who locked their keys in their car?
Their drummer buddy almost died of heat stroke before the cops got it open.

 

[dadglasser]

 

[ELG60]

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten . . . One to change it, and nine to tell you how Steve Gadd would've done it.

Learned that one in HS back in the late 70's.

 

[emdsd]

What’s the best way to find a drummer? Cruise the homeless shelters wearing a Zildjian t-shirt.

 

[Kevnn4]

How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?

1... he/she holds it and the world revolves around him/her.

 

[IanStephenson]

A musician is suspected of murder, and the police are interviewing him:

Detective:“Where were you Saturday night between 10 and 12?”

Musician:“I was with my band mates”.

Detective:“Are there any independent witnesses who can verify that?”

Musician:“Well, we were at that big club in town…”

Detective:“Will anyone remember seeing you?”

Musician:“We had a gig there, and were on stage from 10pm…”.

Detective:“So we’ll have no problem placing you there!”

Musician:“I’m the bass player”

Detective:“You should get a good lawyer”