This comes from Sherwood Ball, Studio singer, The voice of Toyota and son of Ernie Ball. I have edited as there were lots of very inside studio jokes and "brevity is the soul of wit" Enjoy
A Musician's Dictionary
ARRANGER: a guy who writes to support a drinking habit.
BALLET: an art form for people with eating disorders
BANDSTAND: the area furthest away from an electrical outlet
BIG BAND: nowadays, an aggregation consisting of two musicians.
BROADWAY PIT JOB: a prison sentence disguised as a gig.
CABARET: a venue where singers do songs from shows that closed out of town.
CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME: god's way of telling you that you've practiced too much.
CATERER: a man whose hatred for musicians is unrivaled.
CHANTEUSE: a singer with an accent and no time.
CONTRACTOR: a man whose funeral nobody goes to.
CRUISE SHIP WORK: a gig that gives a musician two reasons to throw up.
DOWNBEAT: the magazine that would have you believe that all jazz musicians are working.
JAZZ: the only true american art form beloved by europeans.
JAZZ FESTIVAL: an event attended by folks who think Coltrane is a car on the B&O railroad.
METRONOME: the arch enemy of chanteuses and cantors.
MOVIE COMPOSER: someone who can write like anyone except himself.
NEW YEARS EVE: the night of the year when contractors are forced to hire musicians they despise.
PERCUSSIONIST: a drummer who can't swing.
PERFECT PITCH: the ability to pinpoint any note and still play out of tune.
PRODIGY: a kid who has as much chance at a normal childhood as the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series.
SIDEMAN: the appellation that guarantees a musician will never be rich.
STEADY ENGAGEMENT: look up in Webster's Dictionary under the word ''obsolete.''
24\7: the time signature of the national anthem of India.
UNION REP: a guy who thinks big bands are coming back.
VIOLA D'AMORE: a baroque string instrument and coincidentally the hooker Bach lost his virginity to.
YANNI: a man blessed with great hair for music.
A Musician's Dictionary
ARRANGER: a guy who writes to support a drinking habit.
BALLET: an art form for people with eating disorders
BANDSTAND: the area furthest away from an electrical outlet
BIG BAND: nowadays, an aggregation consisting of two musicians.
BROADWAY PIT JOB: a prison sentence disguised as a gig.
CABARET: a venue where singers do songs from shows that closed out of town.
CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME: god's way of telling you that you've practiced too much.
CATERER: a man whose hatred for musicians is unrivaled.
CHANTEUSE: a singer with an accent and no time.
CONTRACTOR: a man whose funeral nobody goes to.
CRUISE SHIP WORK: a gig that gives a musician two reasons to throw up.
DOWNBEAT: the magazine that would have you believe that all jazz musicians are working.
JAZZ: the only true american art form beloved by europeans.
JAZZ FESTIVAL: an event attended by folks who think Coltrane is a car on the B&O railroad.
METRONOME: the arch enemy of chanteuses and cantors.
MOVIE COMPOSER: someone who can write like anyone except himself.
NEW YEARS EVE: the night of the year when contractors are forced to hire musicians they despise.
PERCUSSIONIST: a drummer who can't swing.
PERFECT PITCH: the ability to pinpoint any note and still play out of tune.
PRODIGY: a kid who has as much chance at a normal childhood as the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series.
SIDEMAN: the appellation that guarantees a musician will never be rich.
STEADY ENGAGEMENT: look up in Webster's Dictionary under the word ''obsolete.''
24\7: the time signature of the national anthem of India.
UNION REP: a guy who thinks big bands are coming back.
VIOLA D'AMORE: a baroque string instrument and coincidentally the hooker Bach lost his virginity to.
YANNI: a man blessed with great hair for music.
Funny stuff.
