perfect audition, perfect failure

[walterw]

It's amazing how much auditioning for bands is like dating women. They tell you one thing, you know it's something else. They expect you to read their minds, you feel clueless the whole time. You try to impress them, do all the right things, and they end up leaving you for some other jerk. When you finally get a gig, it's like having sex. No matter how much you thought you knew each other everything changes after the first gig.

yes!

the metaphor extends to being in bands, too:

rehearsing without gigging is like dating and not getting laid; recording an album is like having a child, it'll expose all the weaknesses in the relationship, and can often spell the end.

the OP's situation (with the suck drummer) just means he was trying to get with a fat chick and she blew him off. he didn't really want it, it was just a hit to the ego that she said "no"

 

[ZubenElGenubi]

See if you can find out where their next gig is and stop by to see who's playing bass.

IMO, it'll be their "sick" bass player.

Your "audition" was bait and the "gig" was the hook. Unfortunately the band has a catch and release policy. You got them through the gig. which was their goal from the beginning. Now they're throwing you back into the river to sink or swim on your own.

With the "sub" offer, IMO, it's just a minor bit of fluff thrown your way so that they can call you maybe once a year, if that. In fact, I'd ask them how often they use a sub. Doubt if it's worth it since they probably won't call you.

After reading the OP, this is EXACTLY what I was thinking, probably because I'm a paranoid conspiratist by nature.

However, if the sub opportunities are frequent-enough, and you get decent advance notice, you could consider them as good live auditions for other bands. Metaphorically-speaking, wear a little sign around your neck saying "Looking for Another Band" and you might run into other musicians that won't have to audition you before asking you to join up.

 

[steveksux]

I'd stow the ego and take the sub gigs. Bands tend to change members, you may bet another shot at the bass slot in that band, or when guys quit that band they may bring you into another project. And you make money and get experience.

There's no downside.

Randy

 

[JimB52]

Maybe the other guy makes really good grilled cheese sandwiches.

 

[electracoyote]

"Stylistic differences" = "We liked the other guy better for reasons we'd rather not elaborate upon, please don't ask us to."

So, they want you to be their "reserve/backup bassist." Well, wouldn't that be convenient for them if you made yourself their little trained sub? Not so cool for you.

My advice--find another audition, another band that will jump you in, make you a full-fledged member, and treat you with the respect your hard work, determination, and professionalism deserves.

Let these guys find another lap dog chump to be their back-up.

 

[paulygonemad]

Take the work and find out where homie gets his powder. I am sure that was the kicker.

 

[Scogman]

Look...if you want the gig...be persistent...take any gig you can get from them and continue to earn there confidence...musically, personally, and professionally. Find out what it is that they prefer stylistically about the other cat and adapt. This sounds like a good band and a good fit for you...don't let your short term pride and ego get in the way of a potentially fruitful long term opportunity.

+1 on this quote and others.

Be a pro, don't burn the bridge, take the backup gigs. Don't say, "Thanks but no thanks." If you can do a backup gig, do it and get paid. If they ask you and you are busy with another gig, tell them you have another gig.

My reasoning is that you never know where you will be 6 months, 1 year, 5 years from now. Maybe if that band splits and one contingent needs a bass player in the future they are going to remember the guy that was a good player and not a d--k. Be remembered as a stand up guy because you never know where some of these folks will be in the future.

But the most important reason is just to be cool for being cool's sake.

 

[Necromantis]

My last band tried out as many singers as we could get to come in, most just didn't fit the mold we were looking for.. one guy came over and auditioned, he was great, vocally, we let him in the band practiced played our first show (just an open mic down at the local metal club), and the stuff this guy did on stage, just straight up embarrassed us all. The clothes he liked to wear was kind of pushing it to begin with, but we let it slide, because it was a very talented singer. In the end we let him go, we sent him an email very similar to the one you described after the phone call to help him understand (he didn't seem to get it)
I am just saying, and I hope it doesn't ruffle your feathers, that maybe it was something like that. Perhaps your stage presence or clothes was off putting for them. There are lots of bands the guy who didn't work for us would have worked perfectly in, but not ours, we didn't have a unified vision with him. Hope that helps

 

[Pechanga]

The other bassist owns a good PA system.

+1 but instead of owns good PA system, insert provided killer bud.

 

[rr5025]

Maybe the other guy makes really good grilled cheese sandwiches.

So its Perry...

 

[Dark Horse]

Let them know that you are looking to be in a band, so you will continue auditioning for other groups... BUT...they are welcome to call you for any gigs that their bassist can't cover, and if you are available, you'll be "happy to help them out."


It doesn't need to be a "one or the other" situation, IMO.

 

[theduke1]

I would do the pickup gigs as long as I was free, you said the money was good so use the pickup gigs to keep up your chops and take their money until a full time gig comes along.
use them for what you can gain as a player. someone may see you playing and want you full time.
unless you have a full time gig waiting? take what they offer and use it to your advantage!

 

[Matthew_84]

My first thought when I read this is that the sick bassist you filled in for is "sick" a lot. They like him and want him to be the full-time bassist for the band, and were just reaching out to see if they could find someone who fills his role when he's "sick".

This explains the polished up e-mail. They knew what they were doing before you even replied. IMO

 

[MikeBass]

OK, so this is how it sits......
the "Other Guy" has:

The other bassist owns a good PA system.

....are you sure that this other guy is.. actually a guy? .....

And a place to rehearse............

And he drives a full-size van.

Maybe the other guy makes really good grilled cheese sandwiches.

which helps the next one:

provided killer bud.

And if you're into this sorta thing

find out where homie gets his powder. I am sure that was the kicker.

Dude, he had the gig before they knew your name!!! LOL!!

 

[Big Brother]

I'd be hugely curious as to who they picked up in my stead and find a show of theirs to watch if it was convenient.

If the guys a step better than you and they were tactful enough to not say as much, say hi, congratulate them all on sounding good and wish them luck.

If there is an obvious way they screwed you over though, let them see you on the floor while they are playing to remind them and let them sweat under the collar a little for telling you a tall tale.