OK, but, always that " but' locking with the drummer and falling into a groove - like I have been doing - seems like another animal while doing melodies. My concern in playing melodies seem that I am walking away from harmony and the rhythm section.
Is that the case?
I do understand the post about adding the 9, 11 and 13th notes to get a melodic sound. But, this is still thinking in chord tones...
Little help please - on my thinking that melodic playing leaves the harmony to someone else. And how do you combine melody with harmony?
In 30 words or less. 
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Thanks
"Locking with the drummer'' connotes certain styles of music. I'd venture to say that IF the primary goal in the rhythm section is to 'lock in', the possibilities for melodies is somewhat limited. (you might notice that with Mozart, Schubert etc, there is little concern about locking in with percussion... in fact there is very little percussion). In Jazz, while everyone needs to be on the same page tempo-wise, it isn't always the same as a dance band locked in. Rock music, by and large, is a world of 'locking in'. Although, you might visit "Sgt. Peppers' album with the goal of seeing where the drums and bass are locking. (but some people, then and now, claim that album 'really isn't rock...and perhaps it's not, so what?)
Worrying about the 9, 11, and 13, of the chord is moving in the opposite direction. How many times have you listened to music, enjoyed the melody and marveled over the number of times you heard a 13th?
You would benefit from some study of music history and theory. The short of it is, there never used to be any harmony (I'm talking 9th c. CE), just melody. Later (13th, c. CE) there were several melodies happening together, all working with the lyrics, not considering (primarily) the chords. A couple centuries later the vertical aspect of music became more important, and harmony was a considered part of music composition. From that point on, complexity of the harmony became increasingly important.
I suppose the take away from all that is that melody is it's own energy and life. Sometimes that energy comes from being a part of the harmony, sometimes the energy comes from clashes with the harmony.
If you want to create melodies, do so in the style that you're working in. Keep the harmony in mind, but don't sweat it, let the melody take you where it goes.