Oh, this is easy. Here's what you're gonna need:
1 can of shaving cream
1 lemon wedge
1 porcelain bath tub. It HAS to be porcelain. The fiberglass tubs do not work.
First thing is you want the bass to make contact with YOU, not your cloths. So....off with the cloths. Next empty the can of shaving cream into your hands. Use the entire can. You'll need it all. Then work the shaving cream into all body hair. DO NOT discard the can. You're gonna need it. Wash and dry hands. Now grab your bass and climb in the tub. Don't sit as normal as the bass neck will hang out. Face the back wall so that the entire bass runs the length of the tub. Place the lemon wedge behind your right ear. Now place your right ear against the side wall and play. There ya go! You can use the empty shaving cream can as a spacer if you can't reach the wall with your ear.
OK, how many besides me were seeing that visually as you read it??
I'm scarred for life................