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Quiet strap?

I find straps really interfere with my tone, I can't use them.
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I don’t recall a strap ever being noisy but I stopped using Schaller strap locks because they often squeaked and I was able to hear that through the amp.

If your leather strap is squeaking against the finish of your bass, I would agree with those who said a little leather conditioner should stop it. Or you could just rub a little paraffin on the strap where it contacts the body.
 
Sorry, but if the noise of your strap rubbing against the body or squeaking against the strap button is actually getting transmitted through the pickups, there’s something wrong with your pickups, not the strap.

Your pickups are microphonic. Good working magnetic pickups are *not* microphonic.

Even good working piezo bridge pickups shouldn’t be picking up mechanical noise from elsewhere on the bass’s body.
 
Got my Ernie Ball locking strap. Well-padded, looks a little cheap including the plastic ends, but solves my problem 100% and I'm using the top strap anchor with this strap. I wish it were a little wider but it's comfortable and works well. The cost was very reasonable compared to true leather straps and the locks do lock to the bass very well. I am not in love with the looks, but practically, this is a decent buy.

I put a D'Addario strap lock on two basses and they seem to work as advertised except... if you put your cord into the strap lock, the lock won't stay on the bass.