I used to be just like you. IME, it doesn't turn out well.
There is an alternative to your conclusion about always being the peace maker by "getting along with others to keep life relatively painless" or "hurting other's feelings"
Sometimes when you don't articulate a timely thought, statement or argument, many people assume you are weak,a pushover, less than intelligent or agree with whatever is being said or done. And if you wait until tension rises and things "blow up" to speak up, you look even more foolish.
Articulating a thought can also be done in a way that conveys respect for others and does not "make a bad impression", thus creating respect for yourself from others.
As far as your knowledge about "hurting other's feelings", consider that articulating your thoughts on an issue (taking a stand) in real time may actually further yourself towards your goals.
All this takes practice and it appears that you like to let things slide so you don't have to speak up, thus perpetuating the tension you feel over a situation.
Another thought, how does your philosophy of inaction work in your non-band life?
IME, being able to calmly articulate one's needs, observations, conclusions in a calm manner and the ability to take a stand based on one's knowledge/beliefs are skills that serve me well in all areas of my life.
If you have the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation about your situation, people can always agree to disagree and move on.
All this takes more effort than living life in a "relatively painless" manner but it seems that you'll get more out of it instead just getting what you'll put up with so as to "not hurt other people's feelings".
Good luck.
