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Quitting the band without losing friends

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by CindyB, Jan 16, 2009.

  1. Flatty Banks

    Flatty Banks

    Oct 26, 2008
    Sorry to bring this thread back from the dead, but I didn't want to start a new one.

    Here's the deal. I'm in a band right now that's pretty indie. No record deals nor any intention to try to get a record deal. I got the job by offering to fill in (because I felt bad that the old bass player left).

    They're great guys; but really hardcore Christians. Can't say anything, go drinking, have fun around them. If I say anything relating to normal things guys do- they get insulted. Women, cars, beer, etc. They also play Christian R&B. Not really my kind of stuff.

    I'm Christian, but also a *guy*.

    I've been thinking about leaving for awhile. No money, and just a waste of my time when I have various other bands that I feel more attraction to (and get lots more income from).

    How should I quit? I want to keep these guys as friends, they're nice guys but not guys I'd like to be in a band with.

  2. You cannot walk both sides of the fence. It is one way or the other. Not both.

    You say you are a Christian, as they are, but yet you insist on participating in worldly/ secular things which they find offensive.

    Then, because they are a bit straight laced to suit you, you want to split, and go pursue said worldly/secular interests.

    Then, you want to remain friends with them , as long as it is strictly on YOUR terms, and when their straight laced ways become boring, you should be able to split, go do whatever objectionable things you like, then come back, and they will still be your friend. Of course until the next time you feel the need to satisfy the flesh.

    You say you are a Christian like they are, is why you are friends.

    I { and the bible} say you are double minded in all your ways.
  3. jmattbassplaya

    jmattbassplaya Looking for a gig around East Islip, NY!

    Jan 13, 2008
    Just say you have other responsibilities you are much more obliged to do and that this band takes too much time away from you that you need since it isn`t proving to be a source of income. Keep it more on lines with business and let them know you wish to keep friendly relations open with them as well.
  4. bikeplate

    bikeplate Supporting Member

    Jun 7, 2001
    Upstate NY

    Hey Cindy. People at times can be very unpredictable. Reminds of being in business frankly. I used to be in sales and when I found something that paid better($ is why people do sales, LOL)my employers would either shake my hand and wish me luck or literally throw me out of the building on the spot. I dont know why others resent individuals in bettering themselves? How did my bosses and owners get to where they were? By staying in jobs they new were beneath them? Baffles me

    If you feel its stale and maxed out, tell them the truth. If they are your friends, they'll understand. If they blow up at you, they really dont care whats best for you. Thats the best gauge of friends. Good luck in the OC. Lived there for 16 years!!

  5. becker4567


    Jul 26, 2008
    Unfortunatly, this is true. Be nice, but be firm. Give them a 'last day' date, and hopefully there will be no hard feelings. If you are serious about your music, then you have to surround yourself with people equally as serious.
  6. gregoire1


    Oct 19, 2008
    if your friends (not biz associates), DON'T DO THIS! If your dishonest and hurt their feelings, you'll feel bad later. If your honest and hurt their feelings, your ok. Believe me, I just went thru this.
  7. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    Song Surgeon slow downer. https://tinyurl.com/y5dcuqjg
    A couple of links you may want to check out:
    Giving notice

    If they're like brothers, you might want to calmly lay out everything that's bothering you and let them respond. If they'll change, then maybe you'll stay. If that's not what you want, just let them know it's time for you to move on and wish them well.

    I listened to your recordings on MySpace. Sounds like a rockin' good time! Good groove.

    Let us know how it goes.

    Good luck.
  8. Keep your integrity intact, keep it matter of fact and not personal and I agree with the above comments on offering to fill in until they have the new replacement ready...it keeps the parting on good terms as a departing member can place the stability of the band in shaky territory...it is hard being on the receiving end especially if all the other members are really into the sound of what the band is doing. Any email communication needs to be cc-ed to all members and communication kept clear about the underlying issue for leaving the band. In my experience, it has always been cut and dry, musical direction, lack of financial reward, family commitments.
  9. JoeyZ


    May 9, 2005
    I'm in a similar situation. I don't think we all are on the same page as to what we want from the band.
    On the surface, yeah..We all want to be a bigger band, play better shows and write cool songs. We've had an issue with our drummer for a while, and then he tells us his girlfriend is pregnant. Which under most circumstances would be fine but it's already like he doesn't care. Can't imagine what that'll end up like when he has to put effort into something else...
    I don't know, I want something.. I want to be satisfied and it seems like with this band I never am. It's like, everything always goes worse than we had expected it too.
    I book all the shows, Write most of the songs, Make all of the Artwork, Network, everything. So it's like I'm the only contributing member of the band outside of harmonic squeals and cradle of filth esque screaming, so it SHOULD seem like I should be happy since all of the input is mine.. But I find myself fairly dissapointed alot...

    I don't want to quit, I want to be happy.

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