So, who else is lonely these days?

[stratovani]

All my guy friends have either moved away, or aren't my friends anymore. What's a married (with a kid), late 20's guy, still working through college supposed to do?

I know the feeling. When I was young I was lonely and I wanted love and affection. Now that I'm approaching my senior years I'm lonely again, but it's a different loneliness. I'm an atheist in a small town in America, married to a wife who is not my intellectual equal. I still have a son living at home, but he's got his own life to live. I'm in a band, but those are musical relationships, that's all. I post here on TB, but this is the Web, not real life. I work, but there's no one there I'd like to hang around with. What I'm looking forward to is returning to college in a couple of years, it should be challenging yet fun at the same time. I should meet some interesting people there.

I think that loneliness among seniors is the problem no one talks about.

 

[jugglingfreak]

I tend to agree with Jean-Paul Sartre statement "Hell is other people".

So, I rarely get lonely. My wife and kid are all I need..

 

[MatticusMania]

Make a new friend.

 

[pacojas]

i embrace my loneliness

(it helps if you're in love with ones self)

 

[scorpionldr]

Make a new friend.

maybe not a new special lady friend in his case

 

[anettaA]

Yes, I am often lonely. Have been for the greater part of my life..maybe I'm crazy but I like it..I am sorry because I don't have a kid..but maybe in future I will sexual problems

 

[iamlowsound]

I do, definitely. The issue is, there has to be someone outside of those relationships. With the kid, I'm a parent. With the wife, I'm a spouse. There is no "just a guy" time.

My wife isn't just a "spouse", she is my best friend.

lowsound

 

[slobake]

Loneliness is a drag. It is more of a state of mind than a state of being. Sometimes getting busy and/or surrounding yourself with people won't help. It's terrible being in a room full of people and feeling alone. Like others have said sometimes it is good to just embrace your loneliness and see what you can learn from it.

 

[6jase5]

I don't get it, I just don't. I have a 2 year old, wife, band, job, crossfit/running addiction, art projects, friends......all of which I wish I had way more time for. Who has time to be lonely?

My friend it sounds much more like depression which is not the same as loneliness. Famous people routinely get depressed and they are rarely lonely or by themselves.

IMHO...You need to talk this out with a therapist which is not the same as sitting behind a pc typing to talkbass therapists.

 

[Bloodhammer]

Loneliness is a drag. It is more of a state of mind than a state of being. Sometimes getting busy and/or surrounding yourself with people won't help. It's terrible being in a room full of people and feeling alone. Like others have said sometimes it is good to just embrace your loneliness and see what you can learn from it.

I'm one who can be lonely in a crowd. Most folks just talk about themselves and I want to talk about interesting stuff.

Usually, though, I want to be alone, so there's no issue.

 

[slobake]

I'm one who can be lonely in a crowd. Most folks just talk about themselves and I want to talk about interesting stuff.

Usually, though, I want to be alone, so there's no issue.

I need my solitude too, I need time to just be. Sometimes it's a struggle with people blah, blah, blah if feel like Charlie Brown. Other times I'm tuned in and really want to hear about who they are and what they think. Sometimes I catch myself jaw jacking for no good reason.

 

[sandmangeck]

When we moved to Colorado I left my bandmates, and many friends. Ive got a wife and two kids. I enjoy the time I rarely get to myself.

Youve got to learn to love being by yourself.

 

[pocketgroove]

I thought I was really lonely...that is, until I started spending more time with people. Now I'd rather be by myself.

 

[bolophonic]

I spend my days full-time with our baby boy and most of my free time with my wife. We travel frequently, but we each reserve a couple of nights a week for purely "alone" time, because solitude is crucial to maintain normal adult sanity. We also have individual activities that we enjoy with our respective close friends. Not surprisingly, a lot of mine is spent with an instrument in hand. Finding a balance isn't simple, but it is doable. Just listen to your instincts.

Put a ad on Craigslist saying "Lonely male looking for other men for fun."

I'm sure you'll get lots of replies...

Nice job.

 

[RedMoses]

PLay as much music as you can, soon you will be tied down and it wont be so easy to just go to a tour.

 

[MatticusMania]

maybe not a new special lady friend in his case

If he's got a wife and kid, probably not.
Maybe I should have said 'make a buddy'.

My wife isn't just a "spouse", she is my best friend.

lowsound

But is she your only friend? My ex was my best friend, we're not friends any more. My girlfriend is my new best friend, but I still have other friends.

I don't get it, I just don't. I have a 2 year old, wife, band, job, crossfit/running addiction, art projects, friends......all of which I wish I had way more time for. Who has time to be lonely?

Perhaps people who dont have that many activities going on in their life? You state here that you have friends, OP says his friends have moved away. It sounds to me like he's looking for some friendship outside of his relationship with his wife & kid. Perhaps someone he can relate to in matters that dont interest his wife?

My friend it sounds much more like depression which is not the same as loneliness. Famous people routinely get depressed and they are rarely lonely or by themselves.

IMHO...You need to talk this out with a therapist which is not the same as sitting behind a pc typing to talkbass therapists.

What information from the OP do we have to call this depression, though? Certainly not enough, IMO.
Nothing in his 2 posts indicate depression to me so much as they say "I need a guy friend".

I'm one who can be lonely in a crowd. Most folks just talk about themselves and I want to talk about interesting stuff.

Im the same way. I prefer smaller, more intimate groups over crowds. Two or three other people that I know well over a huge party of people, even if theyre all friends. At larger parties I tend to move from one small group of people to another. In most cases though, Im either hanging at home alone if Im not with my gf.

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." ~Eleanor Roosevelt
(though I like stating it in reverse order, as it seems more impactful that way)

 

[Shakin-Slim]

Yeah, it seems a few people assumed that the OP didn't spend any time with his wife & kid, when he was really looking for friendships outside of them, even after he cleared that up.

I would say use a hobby as a means of making new friendships. That way you know you'll have similar interests. Try to join a band or at least get networking with other musicians.

Back when I lived with my parents and I wasn't hanging with my GF, I enjoyed solitude. Now, for three years I've lived 8 hours away from home and I often feel lonely, even in a house of seven people and living with my GF. I suspect it's a matter of having little contact with people I care for outside of my GF. I've been trying to start a band for three years, but Wellington is a hard city to really get to play with the musicians, as most of them are either at, or graduated from, the Jazz school.

 

[Dale D Dilly]

If you're working through college, why not make friends with some of the other students in your program? It's an easy way to meet people that think the same way and have the same intellectual or vocational interests as you.