Soon to be cohabiting!

[Joe Nerve]

Congratulations, co-habitating can be lots of fun and great fodder for learning. I lived with my girlfriend for 4 years - we now live in our own seperate spaces. I learned a lot. Just not sure exactly what that is though.

I can tell you some things that drove me nuts... but I'm sure most of it is personal peeve stuff. My GF is very environmentally conscious. If I left the water running I'd hear, in a nice way of course, "You know, you don't have to let the water run like that." If I left the lights on she'd say, "Are you finished in the bathroom?" And other things like, "Why'd you throw that in the garbage, it belongs in the recycle bin". Little things like that kept adding up and drove me insane. I need to be completely me and not feel judged or nagged or bothered in any way. Perhaps I'm spoiled by living alone, WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE, but I really like feeling free to be me and not thinking that any of my actions have an effect on someone else. This is something I definitely need to work on if I ever want to live with her again. She too.

The other thing is mostly me, and why again I love living alone. I don't always wake up in the best of moods. If I get hit with questions about the days plans, bills, decisions, or anything that takes an 16th of a brain before breakfast - I hit immediate overload. If I feel crappy (which I do 25% of the time in the morning) and I'm by myself, it simply passes in an hour or so, unnoticed. When living with someone who expects you to interract - that crappy feeling can quickly turn to depression and get really frustrating. My mood had nothing to do with her - but somehow it often became an issue. I don't know - perhaps they're co-dependent issues.

Anyhoo - if I were to offer any suggestions it would be this. To communicate as clearly possible, and to listen as carefully as possible. Many things have been said between my girl and I that were understood as nothing that ever came out of our mouths. After knowing each other for so long we tend to think we know what each other means when we say something. Half the time we're hearing something completely different than what's being said. I'd have never realized that if we didn't go for counseling with a great therapist that we learned lot's from. Hey, we're still very much in love after over 9 years and lots and lots of hills and valleys.

The other thing - and I gotta give her complete credit on this one - is she always remained "on my side" and taught me to do the same. A lot of times releationships become power plays without anyone even realizing it. Stepping back and restating that we're both on the same team, that we're both on each others side - really made a world of difference many times.

 

[tifa]

Thought your sweetie might be.

How do you know? who have you been talking to?

 

[tifa]

Congratulations, co-habitating can be lots of fun and great fodder for learning. I lived with my girlfriend for 4 years - we now live in our own seperate spaces. I learned a lot. Just not sure exactly what that is though.

I can tell you some things that drove me nuts... but I'm sure most of it is personal peeve stuff. My GF is very environmentally conscious. If I left the water running I'd hear, in a nice way of course, "You know, you don't have to let the water run like that." If I left the lights on she'd say, "Are you finished in the bathroom?" And other things like, "Why'd you throw that in the garbage, it belongs in the recycle bin". Little things like that kept adding up and drove me insane. I need to be completely me and not feel judged or nagged or bothered in any way. Perhaps I'm spoiled by living alone, WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE, but I really like feeling free to be me and not thinking that any of my actions have an effect on someone else. This is something I definitely need to work on if I ever want to live with her again. She too.

The other thing is mostly me, and why again I love living alone. I don't always wake up in the best of moods. If I get hit with questions about the days plans, bills, decisions, or anything that takes an 16th of a brain before breakfast - I hit immediate overload. If I feel crappy (which I do 25% of the time in the morning) and I'm by myself, it simply passes in an hour or so, unnoticed. When living with someone who expects you to interract - that crappy feeling can quickly turn to depression and get really frustrating. My mood had nothing to do with her - but somehow it often became an issue. I don't know - perhaps they're co-dependent issues.

Anyhoo - if I were to offer any suggestions it would be this. To communicate as clearly possible, and to listen as carefully as possible. Many things have been said between my girl and I that were understood as nothing that ever came out of our mouths. After knowing each other for so long we tend to think we know what each other means when we say something. Half the time we're hearing something completely different than what's being said. I'd have never realized that if we didn't go for counseling with a great therapist that we learned lot's from. Hey, we're still very much in love after over 9 years and lots and lots of hills and valleys.

The other thing - and I gotta give her complete credit on this one - is she always remained "on my side" and taught me to do the same. A lot of times releationships become power plays without anyone even realizing it. Stepping back and restating that we're both on the same team, that we're both on each others side - really made a world of difference many times.

Thanks Joe thats good advice.

Communication is important, and I admit it is something we need to work on - your point about not hearing what has been said rings VERY true! Its something we have acknowledged we need to work on.

I'm not a morning person either God help him if he has a go when I first wake up.....