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Still young, but sometimes I think...
- Thread starter GSMBass
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djole94hns:
Don't reproduce.
Parenting problems solved. Worries negated...
Worked for me and Mrs. tangent.
Don't reproduce.
Parenting problems solved. Worries negated...
Worked for me and Mrs. tangent.
slobake
resident ... something
She could still end up with some loser druggie woman.That's why I semi-jokingly said I'd like a gay daughter
OP,... you proably already know that you are not having kids, unless by accident. if you're a decent good person, you MIGHT be a decent good parent. BUT you can't fake it! 
slobake
resident ... something
I have raised one adopted son and partially raises two foster kids both boys. I don't know about girls vs boys because I have only had boys.
If you ever have kids and think you are a terrible parent that is a good sign. I'll bet most of us who have raised kids have thought that. Sometimes you reach a point with kids where your realize you have no clue what to do next. The important thing is unconditional love and attention.
We had very little money when my son was young but it didn't bother us. We got by just fine. I think it is better to have kids when you are young. It is my personal opinion and I have reasons for that. One big one is that younger parents don't seemed to be as consumed with worry about their kids. They have less of a tendency to over-protect them.
Kids are not accessories to make your life better or to fulfill your dreams of a perfect little family. There is no such thing as perfect parents or perfect kids. Screwed up parents raising screwed up kids, yet somehow most of them seem to come out okay despite our best efforts.
Kids should not take a back seat to our careers or hobbies they are people and need our undivided attention.
If you ever have kids and think you are a terrible parent that is a good sign. I'll bet most of us who have raised kids have thought that. Sometimes you reach a point with kids where your realize you have no clue what to do next. The important thing is unconditional love and attention.
We had very little money when my son was young but it didn't bother us. We got by just fine. I think it is better to have kids when you are young. It is my personal opinion and I have reasons for that. One big one is that younger parents don't seemed to be as consumed with worry about their kids. They have less of a tendency to over-protect them.
Kids are not accessories to make your life better or to fulfill your dreams of a perfect little family. There is no such thing as perfect parents or perfect kids. Screwed up parents raising screwed up kids, yet somehow most of them seem to come out okay despite our best efforts.
Kids should not take a back seat to our careers or hobbies they are people and need our undivided attention.
Yeah, you have a lot of worries.I'm still young (20-something), but I still feel I would much rather prefer having a daughter. Now hear me out, don't go!
From my personal experience, boys have a bigger chance to end up being drug-abusers, alcoholics, or worse. Also, and let's be honest to ourselves for a second, we can be pricks to women. Now, I know every "combination" of a child has it's ups and downs, and I realise that how your child turns out to be depends largely on your parenting, but I still can't shake off the feeling that a gay daughter would be way more sheilded from such attrocities. I don't know, it's a bit lame to think about these things, but I can't shake it off. It bugs me sometimes... Really, only thing I can hope for is to be a great parent to my child, no matter the gender or sexual orientation
I know many of you are parents yourselves, so I wouldn't mind hearing what you did to shake off the feeling you might be a bad parent, or your child might end up a deadbeat in my age.
P.S. This is just me opening up about my worries, even though they might seem minor at my age. "Gay daughter" part is partly a joke, but still turns up in my thoughts. Please be gentle!
How were you raised? What was your childhood like?
I have three adult children - James, age 28, Nicole, 26, and Joe, 24. Out of all of them James was the toughest to raise. I tended to be a tolerant father, but one thing I never tolerated was disrespect, of myself, their mother, or anyone else for that matter. James could be a mouthy little bugger, and he never knew when to shut up, which caused him a world of grief from me. I was never one to spare the rod, so they all got their little butts warmed up on occasion, James more than the others, but no matter, James turned out to be a fine young man. Nicole almost never gave me a hard time. She was Daddy's Little Girl, and let me tell you, the love between a father and his daughter is truly something special, like no other love there is. She met her husband in high school, they dated, and they married last August. My youngest boy, Joe, was a real comedian growing up. He always kept us in stitches, and he 's a great guy to hang around with.
The only advice I could give, from my own experience as a father, is this:
- Be a friend to your children, but never let it get in the way of being a father first.
- Don't be afraid to discipline your children. Warm their little butts if you need to, but don't be an ogre about it. Balance it by heaping praise on them when they do right.
- Get involved in their lives. Talk to them, listen to them, have fun with them, get to know who they hang out with, what they like and don't like.
- Teach them to question authority. Teach them to be fearless in doing so. At times they'll question you, but that's OK, that's how you'll know they're learning.
Do this and your kids will be all right. My kids are more than just my kids, they're also three of my very best friends.
The only advice I could give, from my own experience as a father, is this:
- Be a friend to your children, but never let it get in the way of being a father first.
- Don't be afraid to discipline your children. Warm their little butts if you need to, but don't be an ogre about it. Balance it by heaping praise on them when they do right.
- Get involved in their lives. Talk to them, listen to them, have fun with them, get to know who they hang out with, what they like and don't like.
- Teach them to question authority. Teach them to be fearless in doing so. At times they'll question you, but that's OK, that's how you'll know they're learning.
Do this and your kids will be all right. My kids are more than just my kids, they're also three of my very best friends.
I've got 2 daughters in their early 20's. One thing I learned....you don't get to chose what they do, who they are, who they date,etc. Its their life to live. There is no pointing worrying about it.
Thank you all for your kind responses, it really changed the way I percieve this topic. Who knows, one day, if/when I have kids, I'll be willing to share my story with someone who gets worried about this. Really, there is nothing but praise for you people.
And just to clear something up: the reasons for starting this topic, and thinking about these things are numerous. Not to bore you with details, but I have a father who took off when I was 9-10, to work abroad. He pretty much forgot about having a family at all and remarried right there, where he got away. He called us, on average, 5 times a year. But he still thinks he deserves, no, demands our respect. He has never been there for me trough my "wildest" years, when I really needed fatherly advice. There is a lot more to say, but I don't want to write a book on a forum
The other reason is, my (now ex) girlfriend and I had a pregnancy scare. She was almost militantly against abortion, but so was I (for other reasons, not religious. A woman still has the final say on this, and rightly should, IMHO). We got a pregnancy test, and it was positive. Me, being a person who reacts on things very slowly, thought about it as positive news. Later that day, we got to the clinic, and it turned out to be false positive. After we broke up some time later, it suddenly hit me: what if?
Thanks again, and have a good year!
And just to clear something up: the reasons for starting this topic, and thinking about these things are numerous. Not to bore you with details, but I have a father who took off when I was 9-10, to work abroad. He pretty much forgot about having a family at all and remarried right there, where he got away. He called us, on average, 5 times a year. But he still thinks he deserves, no, demands our respect. He has never been there for me trough my "wildest" years, when I really needed fatherly advice. There is a lot more to say, but I don't want to write a book on a forum
The other reason is, my (now ex) girlfriend and I had a pregnancy scare. She was almost militantly against abortion, but so was I (for other reasons, not religious. A woman still has the final say on this, and rightly should, IMHO). We got a pregnancy test, and it was positive. Me, being a person who reacts on things very slowly, thought about it as positive news. Later that day, we got to the clinic, and it turned out to be false positive. After we broke up some time later, it suddenly hit me: what if?
Thanks again, and have a good year!
good luck with a daughter reaching puberty and boys hanging all over her and you hoping she'll be a virgin when you walk her down the aisle.....
your statement that boys are more likely to end up as alcoholics and drug abusers shows your immaturity and lack of knowledge about the real world, seriously,that is the dumbest statement of 2015 !
PS you really think lesbians are treated with more respect than gay men? really?
your statement that boys are more likely to end up as alcoholics and drug abusers shows your immaturity and lack of knowledge about the real world, seriously,that is the dumbest statement of 2015 !
PS you really think lesbians are treated with more respect than gay men? really?
My wife and I had a choice - boy or girl. We picked girl. I was fine with that because I'm not into sports and I didn't want to disappoint a boy with a dad who didn't like sports. So let's see, my daughter plays high school softball and played soccer for about five years. She's also an equestrian. In the 12 or so years she's been into sports, I have missed only one soccer game and one softball game. Of course I was hoping she'd be into music. She loves music and has always had good pitch and rhythm, but she hasn't been bitten by the performance bug. She may some day - she can memorize most songs after hearing it once. The complicated ones may take twice.
The bottom line is that your kids are individuals and deserve support for any endeavor they may undertake (although I probably wouldn't be down with prostitution or drug dealing too much). Further, whether your kid, male or female, gets into drug dealing or other trouble depends a lot on how you raise them. There are plenty of fine young men out there. I recommend two things:
1. Don't have kids until you are financially well-established. It's best if you have two incomes until you make enough that your wife can quit.
2. Start watching Cops (the TV show) with them beginning at age 3. They will see what antisocial behavior leads to. My daughter despises drugs and criminality. She can't even believe that I ever drank alcohol (I quit in 1982).
The bottom line is that your kids are individuals and deserve support for any endeavor they may undertake (although I probably wouldn't be down with prostitution or drug dealing too much). Further, whether your kid, male or female, gets into drug dealing or other trouble depends a lot on how you raise them. There are plenty of fine young men out there. I recommend two things:
1. Don't have kids until you are financially well-established. It's best if you have two incomes until you make enough that your wife can quit.
2. Start watching Cops (the TV show) with them beginning at age 3. They will see what antisocial behavior leads to. My daughter despises drugs and criminality. She can't even believe that I ever drank alcohol (I quit in 1982).
Why would I hope my daughter is a virgin when she reaches the aisle? It's her sexuality, it's her thing. I don't know about the U.S., but here, statistics pretty much prove my point that men are more likely to become drug addicts and alcoholics then women.
And the gay daughter thing was a joke. Even if it wasn't, we live in a 21st century. My country might be a bit backwards on the topic, but nothing stops me from moving.
No need for insults.
my point was more that you would worry about your daughter having unprotected sex from about twelve years of age til she marries, understand? Whereas with a boy, well, do I have to spell it out? OK, a boy can't get himself pregnant, having to forego any further study or career.
If you don't want to be insulted by people contradicting you, don't make stupid statements.
If you don't want to be insulted by people contradicting you, don't make stupid statements.
I'm not too much against abortion if the girl/woman chooses to undergo it (but would never reccomend it). Also, really? Since when is pregnancy=no more life? I would gladly take care of my grandkid while she studies.
I would also reccomend you to read what I wrote on this page just before you first replied to the thread.
Still, no hard feelings. I understand this is the Internet and everyone has their right to their opinion.
Have a great year!
I used to think having a lesbian daughter would be cool - you wouldn't have to pay for a wedding. Well, things have changed, haven't they? I'd still love my daughter if she were a lesbian, though.
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