The classic dumb

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by kserg, Oct 17, 2005.

  1. 1

    6 vote(s)
  2. 2

    2 vote(s)
  3. 3

    9 vote(s)
  4. 4

    8 vote(s)
  5. 5

    4 vote(s)
  6. 6

    4 vote(s)
  7. 7

    1 vote(s)
  8. 8

    1 vote(s)
  9. 9

    2 vote(s)
  10. 10

    11 vote(s)
  1. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK
    All right... I provide 10 stories you guys vote which one is the best or add your own if you feel these are not worthy :)

    1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honourable mentions:

    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

    3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

    6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

    7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

    9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

    10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
  2. AuG


    May 22, 2005
    Fort Collins, CO

    Yeah, I can understand that. :D

  3. I have a better one.

    One night, a women was sleeping in her bed. She jumped out of her sound sleep because she was having an asthma attack. Used to this kind of thing she already had an inhaler under her pillow for just such an emergency. However, she forgot that she also hid an revolver under there. She grabbed the gun and stuck it in her mouth.

    ...Luckily she did not pull the trigger.

    ...Wait... No one died in mine. Nevermind... ;)
  4. embellisher

    embellisher Holy Ghost filled Bass Player Staff Member Supporting Member

    I voted for number 10, although there are some others that are as dumb.

    This one doesn't belong!:D I don't know if this guy qualifies as a genius, but he is certainly a very quick and innovative thinker!:D

  5. I read one a few years back about two drunk guards who decided to see if their bulletproof vests were also knife proof. One stabbed the other. He died.

  6. adisu

    adisu I admit it, I'm a "user"

    Apr 8, 2005
    I thought that #6 is the dumbest although some other stories also have a high level of stupidity.

    I think the Zimbabwean bus driver from story #4 is not dumb at all vice versa the way he handled his failure was quite impressive.
  7. Hollow Man

    Hollow Man Supporting Member

    Apr 28, 2003
    Springfield, VA
    Agreed... it's not a dumb story, but I thought it was far and away the funniest.
  8. Flanders


    Oct 30, 2002
    Reno, NV
    #4 is NOT funny. I was ON that bus!
  9. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK
    before driver went to the illegal bar or after?

  10. Pruitt


    Jun 30, 2005
    Danbury, CT
    For me it's wither #1 or #5. Time to flip a coin... :rolleyes:
  11. Petary791


    Feb 20, 2005
    Michigan, USA
    Man, i'm surprised not as many people voted for 5.

    I mean c'mon, the slapnuts stuck his head in front of a train... even having a brick bounce off a plexiglass window and hitting you is not as bad as that.
  12. 43% burnt

    43% burnt an actor who wants to run the whole show

    May 4, 2004
    Bridgeport, CT
    Ha ha ha. I guess I'm the only one who finds this hillarious. I'd pay money for a copy of that videotape.

    #9 made me snicker too. I could just picture the dude all pissed and frustrated like "forget it man."

    #10 deserves recognition too in the hall of stupidity as well.
  13. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK

    Very true... but you kind of do have to be slightly dumb to loose 20 people... i say its a "dumb with a quick recovery" you know one of those things like when you walking up the stairs and you think there is an extra step but there isnt. So you make yourself look like a fool but quickly recover by making it look like you do that all the time...
  14. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    If this thread were in the lounge, I could name the rest of
    the occupants of that looney bus ...
  15. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK

    SICK!!! i am so going to be addicted to that site... it going to be my next crack...
  16. Number 4 is brilliant.
  17. smperry

    smperry Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Nov 3, 2003
    Bay Area, CA
    Endorsing Artist: Martin Keith Guitars
    4 is my fave too, but since it's more shrewd than stupid, I'll go with #8 which got a laugh out loud!

    Where's the video for 7?

  18. Bard2dbone


    Aug 4, 2002
    Arlington TX
    Okay, so your finger got cut off when you did this? I'm not sure I believe anyone would do something like ...AAAAAAGGHH! My finger!!!!

    Come on. How can you NOT vote for that as the dumbest?