A rabbit walks into a butchers and says "Got any lettuce?"
The butcher says, "No this is a butchers we don't sell lettuce."
Next day the rabbit walks in again and says, "Got any lettuce?"
Again the butcher explains that it's a butchers and doesn't sell lettuce.
Next day the rabbit walks in and says, "Got any lettuce?"
The butcher says, "I'm sick of telling you this is a ******* butchers. You ask again and i'll nail your ears to the wall!"
Next day the rabbit walks in again and says, "Got any nails?"
The butcher says, "No." and the rabbit says,...................................................
"Got any lettuce?"
-------------------------------
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot. One day Willie Brunsden and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'. "You must have worked very hard to earn all this" said the bank cashier. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house." "My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?" The little girl thought for a moment and said,
"I think so. Provided those b*****ds from Jewson's deliver the ******* bricks in time"
-------------------------------
Christmas letter:
Dear Santa
I have realised how fortunate i am to have 3 square meals a day,
to have a place call home and people who love me so this christmas please send clothes to those poor women who cant even afford clothes in dads magazines
love timmy
-------------------------------
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally
demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman
says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends
and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished
but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our
good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens
it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle
and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you
having any?" The woman replies, "No, I think I'll just wait for the police."
-------------------------------
your turn
The butcher says, "No this is a butchers we don't sell lettuce."
Next day the rabbit walks in again and says, "Got any lettuce?"
Again the butcher explains that it's a butchers and doesn't sell lettuce.
Next day the rabbit walks in and says, "Got any lettuce?"
The butcher says, "I'm sick of telling you this is a ******* butchers. You ask again and i'll nail your ears to the wall!"
Next day the rabbit walks in again and says, "Got any nails?"
The butcher says, "No." and the rabbit says,...................................................
"Got any lettuce?"
-------------------------------
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot. One day Willie Brunsden and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'. "You must have worked very hard to earn all this" said the bank cashier. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house." "My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?" The little girl thought for a moment and said,
"I think so. Provided those b*****ds from Jewson's deliver the ******* bricks in time"
-------------------------------
Christmas letter:
Dear Santa
I have realised how fortunate i am to have 3 square meals a day,
to have a place call home and people who love me so this christmas please send clothes to those poor women who cant even afford clothes in dads magazines
love timmy
-------------------------------
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally
demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman
says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends
and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished
but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our
good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens
it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle
and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you
having any?" The woman replies, "No, I think I'll just wait for the police."
-------------------------------
your turn
^^^^^^^^ thats ****ing great!
