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Unreliable Members

H

heyitsamike

Aug 9, 2011
37
0
#1
Hey guys. So that band that ive been running for a couple of months is going pretty well except for the fact that 1 guitarist keeps cancelling last minute. thrice now she has txted me in the morning saying she cant make it because she has to
a. baby sit
b. help out her family.
c. she wanted to go to a water park with friends (this one killed me on the inside and made a start this)
points a and b i understand that sometimes last minute things come up and they must be taken care of. but point c is a decision she made on her own. (and telling me 5 hours before practice)

she is a good guitarist and all. but she needs to be more reliable. and if she doesnt have the time maybe this band isnt the best for her. She is a close friend of mine and id hate to just say "your services are no longer needed" but i feel it is coming to that point. Am i being to paranoid or am i in the right?
 
#3
Be done with her before you waste your time. One of my bands just had to boot our singer, he has an amazing voice/range and is one of the best musicians and friends I've ever met, but he wasn't able to make it to the majority of our practices so we had to lay him off.
 
#11
Given the excuses the gal offered, I'm gonna guess she's 16 or 17 yrs old, tops.

Not to be ageist or sexist but I can't imagine any gal that age being so good of a guitarist that she couldnt be replaced. I also know girls that age find it almost impossible to commit to ANYTHING very strongly, or for very long.
 
#12
heyitsamike said:
...this one killed me on the inside...
Click to expand...

This is never worth it. I kept a guitarist around for years because he was a good friend. But, little by little, these "inside killings" eroded the friendship. The killings will continue if nothing is said. Talk to your guitarist. If you have a musical vision that you want to follow, then sometimes you have to follow the music and not the friendship. Sad but true.
 
#13
I wouldn't say to drop her immediately. I would be more inclined to give her another chance, but telling her that her unreliability isn't appreciated and that she needs to shape up. Sometimes someone isn't aware that their behaviour is chafing other people, so that might be the wake-up call she needs. If, after that discussion, she still misses rehearsals, then it's probably time to tell her to go.

It could be that letting her go will be a good thing to do in the long run. I remember with my band, there was one member who didn't really apply himself to the band, and eventually chose to leave. He gave IMO a ******** reason why, and at the time I tried to keep him around. I was ready to make some concessions for him, but now I think it was right to let him go because I found someone else and the band is stronger.
 
#14
Corbeau said:
I wouldn't say to drop her immediately. I would be more inclined to give her another chance, but telling her that her unreliability isn't appreciated and that she needs to shape up. Sometimes someone isn't aware that their behaviour is chafing other people, so that might be the wake-up call she needs. If, after that discussion, she still misses rehearsals, then it's probably time to tell her to go.
Click to expand...
If you haven't talked to her before then she assumes you are OK with her behavior. If you have talked to her and she ignored you then get rid of her. In general I think you should give her one chance to straighten out.
 
#17
Given her assumed age (mid-teens?) I'd argue that babysitting and helping out with her family are the equivalent of folks older than yourself having to miss things for work. No one likes missing practice for it, but it does happen. However, the water park excuse is pretty lame. Talk to her about it and let her know that she let down the band by skipping practice for it, but don't give her the boot. Consider it strike one and let her know that if it continues to happen then she's out.

If she's choosing a water park over band practice then maybe she isn't having fun at practice. I think that band bonding is important, both to promote friendship among members and reduce stress in the band environment. When I was in high school we would have nights specifically for practice, business, etc. but then separate nights (important to not be after rehearsal so it doesn't seem like rehearsal is turning into hanging out) where we would all get together as a band and play video games, eat pizza, light stuff on fire, change construction signs to say "Caution: Raptors Ahead", etc. You know, normal high school kid stuff. It bonded us tightly enough that nothing sounded more fun than getting together and jamming with your best friends.
 
#18
If it were me, I would have cut her loose already unless BOTH of the following applied:

1) She really is a well above average guitarist

AND

2) She's hot

The reason being, a good female guitarist who's also very good looking can be a huge marketing asset for a band cause they're not very common (Exhibit A: Heart). That is something that could really set your band apart from the crowd and if that's the case with her I would go the extra mile of at least having a chat with her and letting her know your future expectations and giving her the option to get on board with that, or leave.
 
#19
I notice the O.P. says "practice"
while others say "rehearsal"

There IS a massive difference in the two.

Practice is what you do on your OWN time, to learn songs, build chops, try new stuff, etc...

Rehearsal is with the entire band for the purpose of rehearsing the upcoming show or shows.
Rehearsal is NOT for learning songs, noodling,trying new stuff, OR basically fornicating the K-9

Think "dress rehearsal", as opposed to practicing YOUR parts.

A real rehearsal is for fine tuning different aspects of your show, as a group.

I do not have time to watch you practice.
I will make time to rehearse a show.
 
#20
Teen band? Tell her she needs to get organized and decide what her priorities are. For me, family is #1, work (would be school, if I were a teen) is #2, band is #3. Dumping the band to go to a water park means she'd rather be at a water park than in the band; if that's the way she wants it, that's what she'll get.

The family excuses MAY be more valid, but she should be capable of telling her family when band practice is. If there's a conflict with a genuine family need (like she's needed to babysit), she should be able to give the band more notice than that same morning. So while it MAY be valid excuses, even there I think she's either blowing you off or flaking out.

If she insists that she really does want to be in the band, put her on probation. If this continues, she's out.
 

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