What do you do when?

[DeLorean]

Originally posted by blaire
Parents arent so bad , its when you have a wife that things start getting messy.

Why do people choose mates that won't be supportive? My wife encourages me in my musical pursuits. Practice time is not a problem (even if I'm in the same room practicing while she is watching her favorite TV shows). She actually helps me find instruments that would be good additions to my 'stable' of basses. I hear or read of others whose spouses are less than supportive, and can only wonder why someone would choose to be with a person who doesn't like who or what they (refering to the 'others') are. Personally, I would (and have) choose to be alone rather than be with the wrong person.

I know that doesn't help the original poster since we don't get to choose our parents, but the frequency of "the 'spousal unit' won't let me..." statements keeps me wondering... Financial problems aside (we all need to be realistic about life...), if your spouse resists who or what you are, why are you with them?

 

[Hategear]

Originally posted by DeLorean
Why do people choose mates that won't be supportive?

Not all of them start out that way.

I have been with my fiance for going on five years now (we finally got engaged last Christmas) and for the most part, she has been supportive of my "career." We used to fight occasionally ("Why do you have to play a gig on the one night I thought we could go out together?"), but things have calmed down over the course of the last few years. Anyway, she did tell me a few weeks ago that she'd hoped that once I got with her and her kids, my hopes and dreams would change and being a big star wouldn't be as important to me as helping her raise her two girls. I told her that my dream of making it as a musician would never, ever change, whether that means making millions of dollars a year, or making just enough to cover my expenses. She seemed to be okay with that (although, I knew she was disappointed), but I know somewhere in the future, we'll have that conversation again. A lot of women get with a guy that isn't exactly what they're looking for, because they think they can "bring him 'round" somewhere down the line.

Hold your ground guys, DeLorean is right -- it's better to be alone than be with the wrong person.

 

[Flanders]

A lot of women get with a guy that isn't exactly what they're looking for, because they think they can "bring him 'round" somewhere down the line.

Women get a man and think that he'll change, men get a woman and think she'll never change.
They are always wrong on both sides.

 

[Zharlon]

The simple answer I have come up with, to deal with the (nagging) wife or in the aforementioned cases of parent/sig. other: If you can, find and play paying gigs and rectify the amounts spent feeding the habbit against money earned gigging....I have never heard any decent counter-arguement against that explaination...I have been able to find enough work on the ole bass, that I can even point to the profit I have made AFTER subtracting the G.A.S. money....nothing ended the "bass gear" nag rotuine my wife offered me like the "yes honey, look at the additional money I can earn(give to you) BECAUSE of the great gear I spent all that money on"....

Oh, and as to the choose to be alone as opposed to being with somebody who dosent support you idea....My experiece is that just becase I or sombody else wants to buy or do somthing at any given time, dosent necessarily mean it is the right choice and not to be challenged(ie.: Why does she complain when all I want to do is spend alot of money on things I want/need for My reason that focuses on somthing that is important to ME ...she is just not supportive of me)....I have found that the give and take that ALWAYS comes as part of sharing your life (and yes finances) with another, can be positively directed to express the importance that the "other" plays in YOUR life....then again I have to admit that in choosing to marry and now raising children, I have found it delightfully easy to focus less on "ME"