I like this kind of convo. "To me" is a commonly used phrase with it. I use it too. It isn't defined enough to say "What it is". So we come up with our own definitions. I get what you're saying, and I hope you get what I'm saying. Metal is a good classifier of the whole movement that is post Heavy Metal. Like anything with Extreme, Death, Doom, Dark or Black as it's prefix. Heavy Metal is the parent genre, yet I can't call anything past Metallica or Megadeth Heavy Metal... Just Metal. That's what it is, "to me".
It's like Punk. I once had a conversation with someone that refers to Lagwagon as "Punk" yet won't classify The Clash in the same genre. Was The Clash only "just getting there"? Not to me. I think they're the epitome of it. They weren't the end of it, yet they were the exact definition of punk rock.
But I digress. LOL