It's fortunate when you have bandmates that actually listen and care. I've been in a duo with a singer/songwriter (he plays guitar of course) for a bit over two years. Since he does all the writing, I've just been (probably way too) patient waiting for him to feel like we are ready to play out. I have NEVER been in a band that waited that long to play out.
My buddy is a nice guy (which actually makes quitting more difficult) but as a musician he leaves everything to be desired. He is unschooled. Doesn't understand chord structure, keys, can't read music, and on top of that, often and I mean often forgets his lyrics and messes up chords as well. Plus he keeps changing the intros to some tunes which throws me off.
He kept saying that we are "partners" but he's asked me for help with lyrics twice now, and I've spent considerable time and effort coming up with what he wanted, only to find he didn't use one word or phrase I came up with and no explanation as to why not. A LOT of his lyrics are repetitive, so I did, imho, a good job of varying the words to convey a similar feel and meaning, but it didn't matter.
About a year ago he started talking about starting to get out there and hustle gigs. Tomorrow, my friend who rents my house in the country is having a BBQ and wanted us to provide the musical entertainment. I got my buddy to agree to do it, and asked him to choose two sets of 8 tunes each. So, what does he do? He comes up with two set lists alright, and then says that he probably won't follow the list, and also presents a list of about 10 tunes (out of our entire 26 tune repertoire) that he says "aren't good enough" to play out yet. After two bloody years? OMG.
Well, let me tell you, I nailed down my parts a LONG time ago. I play them the same way each time, except of course when he makes changes on the fly. So I will leave it to you to figure out who isn't ready to play those 10 tunes (that he wrote).
The last time he asked for help and didn't use any of it, I told him, as nicely as possible, not to ask for any more help. When he said why, I told him. Got no response, nothing. Despite him calling us "partners" I feel more like an unpaid sideman.
As this "gig" has been approaching, I see him getting more and more nervous about it, although he didn't say anything until today (the gig is tomorrow afternoon). I think he is completely insecure and anxious but fundamentally just wants to keep it to himself.
Personally, I never smoke or drink at rehearsals or at a gig. He is already talking about drinking rum to settle himself down, plus he also likes to smoke during rehearsals which does not help things. You'd think we were playing Carnegie Hall instead of an unpaid gig in front of perhaps 10 people at my house in the country.
I always record everything. I've always done that as far back as I can recall. The tape doesn't lie and the only way I know how to improve is to listen to how it sounds and go from there. I send him copies of the recordings but it doesn't seem to make the least bit of difference. He still forgets words, sometimes leaves out complete verses and frequently just messes up.
I have reached my limit. I've already canceled our Monday rehearsal and will phone him during the week to tell him that I think it's time for me to move on. I have no desire to confront him with the truth. He is in his late 60s and my guess is that this isn't the first time he's found himself in a situation like this, and my further guess is that it won't be his last time.
Several months ago I ran into a guy who plays a lot locally, mostly small clubs and mostly as a solo act. He was having trouble finding reliable bass players and asked me to sit in with him one night at a pub not two blocks from my house. I brought my rig and sat in - no rehearsals. He just told me what tune we were playing next (all covers of course). We played for about two hours, two different sets, and got applause. He asked me if I wanted to do this regularly, but I'm a loyal guy and stayed with my current "partner." Clearly a mistake.
Anyway, I contacted him and we might start getting together again after the end of the month. It's not original music, but ask me if I care at this point. It will be nice to do more playing out and less of the endless pointless rehearsals.
It's a mixture of regret and sorrow and also relief that it will soon be all over. I wish I hadn't wasted all that time, but have no one but myself to blame for that. I got sucked in by the allure of being able to write all my own original lines. How many times does an opportunity like that come along? For me, the answer is next to never. I just didn't realize that that was the only advantage of the situation.
Thanks for reading my long tale of woe.
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