Am I too rigid?

[fishdude101101]

The situation:

Current band I'm in was started a couple of years ago. I was asked to join, this was not an audition scenario. I agreed on the following conditions, which they agreed to:

1) No weeknight rehearsal for any reason. I will play a gig if needed but with my work hours/commitments it is not something I'll do.

2) No deep cuts (its a coverband)

3) No gigs more than an hour away without provided sound. I stated my preference to also have have provided sound. I'm not in this for the money and if that means paying for sound, I'm ok with that, but I'm not buying any sound gear.

So lately the other members want to rehearse through the week because of things they want to do on weekends. They all mostly working from home in lower stress, less intense jobs. Week night stuff for me just makes for too long of a day.

 

[4SG]

I don't think you're being too rigid because you were up front about the conditions required for you to join the band, and your bandmates agreed to those conditions before you joined. I also get the no deep cuts requirement having been in cover bands that played great unknown songs that crowds couldn't care less about.

That said, your bandmates' priorities seem to have changed since you got on board. You and they will have to decide whether the situation is workable if you stick to your conditions, or whether compromises can be made. Hopefully, since everyone was honest from the start, if the situation ends it'll end with no hard feelings.

 

[ShadowGroover]

You answered the question when you and band defined the operating agreement years ago. They are now being rigid, selfish, and hostile in disregarding that, proceeding at their whim with no agreement from you. Adios, former band amigos. No agreement, no band.

Otherwise, come to a new agreement that clearly favors you. For example, no rehearsals for you, just gigs of your choosing, and a pay raise, too. Flexible for favor makes way better sense.

 

[stubborne]

Just started a new band/project with some musical acquaintances. We knew each other from the scene around town. My conversations went like this:

1) For rehearsal, I prefer weeknights because weekends are tied up with family (until the gigging starts). So let's shoot for that but if it works on the weekend for me, no prob.

2) I love deep cuts. I'll try any song and I'm ok to chuck 'em if they don't work.

3) Would love to play every gig for a grand with provided soundman within 4 minutes of my house. But I also know that ain't happening. Don't mind schlepping until we get established. If that never happens, then I'll reevaluate.

To me, seems counterproductive to draw any sand lines. I know these guys got their own priorities, too.

 

[LBS-bass]

My first question would be how much rehearsal is really needed? I generally won't give more than two rehearsals to any band for any given show, and sometimes not even that if we're not adding repertoire and I know the material. I can practice at home on my own time and I don't need to waste a weeknight in a gathering that's primarily for the benefit of others.

So, are you there for them, or for you? If for you, how much do you enjoy playing with them, and how much would it really hurt you to find a compromise, like perhaps every other week on a weekday?

It's an unusual arrangement to practice on weekends because that's when most bands play shows and when most people do things with family. So it's possible some sort of reality check has happened with other members of the band, and it's coming around to a situation that's going to be untenable for you.

Whether you're being too rigid or not is up to you. If you really feel you can't toss a weeknight in there now and then, it's probably time to move on. But compromise is often what keeps life working.

 

[ShadowGroover]

Just started a new band/project with some musical acquaintances. We knew each other from the scene around town.

Enjoy your honeymoon band phase with temporary operating agreement. OP started that way, too

 

[Killing Floor]

Non-compulsory group efforts only work long term when everyone’s goals are aligned. Nobody is “wrong or right” in this situation. Sounds like you are the outlier based on your OP. Also sounds like you have an established relationship with the band members. So state your position to them. Maybe they get it, maybe they don’t. But either way you need to have that conversation.

 

[stubborne]

Enjoy your honeymoon band phase with temporary operating agreement. OP started that way, too

Roger that.. 'preciate it

 

[fishdude101101]

I don't think you're being too rigid because you were up front about the conditions required for you to join the band, and your bandmates agreed to those conditions before you joined. I also get the no deep cuts requirement having been in cover bands that played great unknown songs that crowds couldn't care less about.

That said, your bandmates' priorities seem to have changed since you got on board. You and they will have to decide whether the situation is workable if you stick to your conditions, or whether compromises can be made. Hopefully, since everyone was honest from the start, if the situation ends it'll end with no hard feelings.

No hard feellings will happen, I don't think. We've been friends outside of the band and have played together outside of this band.

Just started a new band/project with some musical acquaintances. We knew each other from the scene around town. My conversations went like this:

1) For rehearsal, I prefer weeknights because weekends are tied up with family (until the gigging starts). So let's shoot for that but if it works on the weekend for me, no prob.

2) I love deep cuts. I'll try any song and I'm ok to chuck 'em if they don't work.

3) Would love to play every gig for a grand with provided soundman within 4 minutes of my house. But I also know that ain't happening. Don't mind schlepping until we get established. If that never happens, then I'll reevaluate.

To me, seems counterproductive to draw any sand lines. I know these guys got their own priorities, too.

I get what your saying but from the beginning I was very much like "this is what I'm willing to do, if that's not ok, then let me know and find someone else who is into what you're doing" For the deep cuts thing, that's a hardline for me. Never seen it do anything other than run people off

My first question would be how much rehearsal is really needed? I generally won't give more than two rehearsals to any band for any given show, and sometimes not even that if we're not adding repertoire and I know the material. I can practice at home on my own time and I don't need to waste a weeknight in a gathering that's primarily for the benefit of others.

So, are you there for them, or for you? If for you, how much do you enjoy playing with them, and how much would it really hurt you to find a compromise, like perhaps every other week on a weekday?

It's an unusual arrangement to practice on weekends because that's when most bands play shows and when most people do things with family. So it's possible some sort of reality check has happened with other members of the band, and it's coming around to a situation that's going to be untenable for you.

Whether you're being too rigid or not is up to you. If you really feel you can't toss a weeknight in there now and then, it's probably time to move on. But compromise is often what keeps life working.

So to answer a couple of questions, we do add new material frequently, and I would say one member benefits more from rehearsal than the others.

Some background. One of the members recently bought a house, and said he needed weekends to take care of some stuff. He views moving rehearsals to weeknights as a compromise. I too bought a house over the course of this band and didn't ask anyone else to alter the schedule. I'm ok with just not getting together. They are the ones that want to get the practice time in more than me. 2 of them work from home and don't get the idea that weeknight stuff makes it a 6am-10pm day for me working in my commute.

Non-compulsory group efforts only work long term when everyone’s goals are aligned. Nobody is “wrong or right” in this situation. Sounds like you are the outlier based on your OP. Also sounds like you have an established relationship with the band members. So state your position to them. Maybe they get it, maybe they don’t. But either way you need to have that conversation.

That is probably what it will come down to.

 

[Liam Wald]

I think that you might be a bit too rigid. Thinks change. Things evolve. Nothing stays the same.
If it is not worth it to you to give a little and move toward what everyone else wants you are being too rigid, and perhaps even selfish.
And that is okay, but if you insist on having things your way when others want something different it may be time to move on.

 

[LBS-bass]

I too bought a house over the course of this band and didn't ask anyone else to alter the schedule. I'm ok with just not getting together. They are the ones that want to get the practice time in more than me.

The compromise I would offer in this case would be for them to get together as often as they need to benefit the member(s) that need/want it the most, while I would agree to one or maybe two rehearsals on the weekends for whatever show they might book (assuming they're only gigging once in a while).

If they gig frequently, I'd just suit up and show up at the gig, because nobody needs a lot of rehearsal if you're gigging a lot. Maybe one now and then to make sure new material is being learned correctly.

The idea that a full band has to be together for a rehearsal to be productive is lame. People who aren't practicing enough at home don't need to saddle me with additional time wastage.

 

[Liam Wald]

If they gig frequently, I'd just suit up and show up at the gig, because nobody needs a lot of rehearsal if you're gigging a lot.

Is that why symphony orchestras, pit orchestras, showroom bands and other pro-level bands don't rehearse?

 

[LBS-bass]

Is that why symphony orchestras, pit orchestras, showroom bands and other pro-level bands never have rehearsals?

I don't think he's playing $100+ per seat shows, but if he is then it'd be nice for him to make that clear.

Obviously (to me, anyway) serious pro level shows rehearse. They also get paid to do it. The vast majority of us are not playing those sorts of shows. We're squeezing this in as a hobby between the cracks of our regular lives.

But you knew that, right? You just wanted to be contrarian and catch me out on some sorta "gotcha." How clever.

Got little use for that nonsense.

 

[TFunkadelic]

Is that why symphony orchestras, pit orchestras, showroom bands and other pro-level bands don't rehearse?

Well, yes...

I'm assuming you're being sarcastic but you're actually right, many "pro-level" bands rehearse less than your average bar band.

 

[lermgalieu]

No deep cuts? Whaaaaa!????

That aside, no you aren't being too rigid. I think it's great to be very clear about your boundaries up front. If they claim to accept those boundaries and then change their minds, that's their issue. That said, I also have a very demanding job and I would still much much much rather rehearse on weekdays. Partially because I have a family, but also because I want to have a life on the weekends when I'm not gigging.

 

[LBS-bass]

Well, yes...

I'm assuming you're being sarcastic but you're actually right, many "pro-level" bands rehearse less than your average bar band.

The best band I'm in contains several players who are in multiple bands. There are a few local "stars," if you will, and it's a 10-piece band, at this point.

We're not playing $100 per seat shows, but there's a lot of pro-level talent there.

Because of everyone's schedule conflicts, we rarely rehearse more than twice for any given show. Everyone practices at home and brings their A game, and we sound good.

 

[sean_on_bass]

Those rules are definitely gonna be limiting to any band that is motivated to gig out on a frequent basis. Personally i'd fire myself so the rest of the band could do what they want.

 

[Liam Wald]

Well, yes...

I'm assuming you're being sarcastic but you're actually right, many "pro-level" bands rehearse less than your average bar band.

Yes, I was being sarcastic. But part of my point is that even in "average bar bands" there are some musicians who want to move forward beyond mediocrity and are willing to do the work to get there while some are happy with just being average. Just being average is okay, but we shouldn't hold back those who want to be better than average. IMHO that is being selfish.

 

[cnltb]

The situation:

Current band I'm in was started a couple of years ago. I was asked to join, this was not an audition scenario. I agreed on the following conditions, which they agreed to:

1) No weeknight rehearsal for any reason. I will play a gig if needed but with my work hours/commitments it is not something I'll do.

2) No deep cuts (its a coverband)

3) No gigs more than an hour away without provided sound. I stated my preference to also have have provided sound. I'm not in this for the money and if that means paying for sound, I'm ok with that, but I'm not buying any sound gear.

So lately the other members want to rehearse through the week because of things they want to do on weekends. They all mostly working from home in lower stress, less intense jobs. Week night stuff for me just makes for too long of a day.

Maybe this has run it's course in that they have realised that to REALLY get good, they need to invest more time into this than you are able to?

 

[stubborne]

I get what your saying but from the beginning I was very much like "this is what I'm willing to do, if that's not ok, then let me know and find someone else who is into what you're doing" For the deep cuts thing, that's a hardline for me. Never seen it do anything other than run people off

And I totally get what you are saying. Sounds like you are experienced, we are too. Some of the other members are definitely more rigid than I am... and I get that too. I think maybe I am more open to the notion of compromise after setting expectations, just so there is less disappointment. We still go through text bombs trying to get our schedules to line up. Wife laughs and says we text more than our teenager.