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An old onion article that REALLY HAPPENED to me

K

KingLucCole

Feb 25, 2012
49
0
#1
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Basically, this joke article is about a bassist in a hard rock band who is oblivious to the fact that it's a Christian band. Yes, this really happened to me when I was about 18.

I joined with a band of older guys that were doing some really heavy stuff. I practiced with them for a whole month. Finally, we play our first show, and at the intermission the lead singer says into the mic, "Hey, so the reason we're all up here playing for you tonight is because Jesus died for your sins, and... we all think that's pretty cool." My head literally jerks in his direction. I step up to the mic and I'm like, "Um... we do?"

I finished the gig, took my money, and never called them back again.

Has anyone else had this experience? Cause I felt dumb as a post after this.
 
#3
Had a friend who played drums that I would jam with in middle school that asked if I wanted to go see a show in Houston. I was like, hell yeah. I asked who was playing but he would never tell me. As well, his older brother was taking us so I guess I thought it would be ok. We drove 6 hours, slept in a terrible motel to pull up and find myself, along with 4000 others, were there to see Benny Hinn. ****ing Benny Hinn. I had to sit for six hours and listen to, "Fire upon you!!!", and watch people fall over. I didn't talk to my friend for about 6 months. It was a dirty trick.
 
#7
If you liked the music enough to play with them for a month, why would you let the fact that they were Christians change your mind? You say you left and never called them back again. Does this mean you didn't even man up and tell them you were done and why?
 
#8
Floyd Eye said:
If you liked the music enough to play with them for a month, why would you let the fact that they were Christians change your mind? You say you left and never called them back again. Does this mean you didn't even man up and tell them you were done and why?
Click to expand...

Floyd Eye said:
If you liked the music enough to play with them for a month, why would you let the fact that they were Christians change your mind? You say you left and never called them back again. Does this mean you didn't even man up and tell them you were done and why?
Click to expand...

Let's see. Maybe I'm not a Christian. Did that occur to you? They should have been up front with me from the get go and confirmed that I would be willing to play in a faith based band. I don't care whether they're Christians or not; I just don't want to play in a Christian band. And yes, I let them know at the intermission that I would finish the gig, and then that would be that.

You're really in no position to criticize the way I handled things. Might I suggest watching your tone with people in the future?
 
#9
KingLucCole said:
Let's see. Maybe I'm not a Christian. Did that occur to you? They should have been up front with me from the get go and confirmed that I would be willing to play in a faith based band. I don't care whether they're Christians or not; I just don't want to play in a Christian band. And yes, I let them know at the intermission that I would finish the gig, and then that would be that.

You're really in no position to criticize the way I handled things. Might I suggest watching your tone with people in the future?
Click to expand...

I can't EVEN imagine what a Christian bassist would do if he suddenly found out he was in a Satanic band. Not that I'm saying the OP is a Satanist...

It seems that they should have been up front with you and that you handled it fine. They didn't seem to worried about your departure if they didn't call YOU back, either.
 
#10
I can appreciate that.. I played very shortly with a christian band and even though I'm catholic, eventually left just because I didn't feel comfortable with playing music that projected a certain message, even if I agreed with that message..if that makes sense.
 
#15
I drove a friend to an audition once so she could try out for the local theater production of Jesus Christ Superstar.
So she's standing up on stage, next to the piano, doing her best with one of the Mary Mag songs and I step up next to her and offer a couple of vocal suggestions. The director, who was at the piano, stops and asks me if I sing. A little taken aback at what I thought was his irritation that I'd interrupted her, I said yes, a little, and he says, "Really, then try this one" and starts playing the signature tune...and I sang...
"Every time I look at you I don't understand....."
I sing about 4 lines of the song and he stops, stands up and yells to everyone in the auditorium, "People!...We've found our Judas!!!"
I had no idea what I'd gotten myself into. But I saw it through to the end and it was a blast.
 
#16
I had a similar experience with three guys that were in drug/alchohol recovery but didn't tell me up front. I met them on Craigslist. They were good musicians and nice guys. I offered to bring over some beers as "the new guy", which they declined- I didn't think much of it. When we took a break during the fist practice, they all went outside and were chain smoking and pounding Mt. Dew- literally drinking two Mt. Dews a piece in 15 minutes. I started asking about where they want to play around town and then they told me that they can't play bars- too much temptation. I was pretty bummed because I love to play bars/clubs. I stuck it out for a while, but within a week the singer asked me to go with him to a motel where the lead guitar player was holed up on a binge with some hookers and the drummer started taking pain pills. Adios.
 
#17
So which is dumber: inadvertently taking the gig with the christian band, or the band hiring an atheist bassist?

I'm curious as to the name of the band, song titles and lyrical content or whether you showed up wearing a pentagrammed t-shirt or jewelry.
 
#18
My experience with a religious surprise was the opposite, the band I was with turned out to be Satanic in a seriously scary way. Initially i rehearsed and recorded with the band without the vocalist so I had no idea what the lyrical content was.
The first gigs drew a different crowd than I was used to but i didn't care the chicks were hot and willin'.
That was until a "private party" that turned out to be a Satanic Sabbat, definitely not my scene. I played the show, packed my stuff and got the H..., I got outta there quick.
 
#19
Floyd Eye said:
If you liked the music enough to play with them for a month, why would you let the fact that they were Christians change your mind? You say you left and never called them back again. Does this mean you didn't even man up and tell them you were done and why?
Click to expand...

I'd have a problem with being a messenger of a religious message that I didn't sign up to do and that I don't agree with. Same would go for political bands.
 
#20
KingLucCole said:
You're really in no position to criticize the way I handled things. Might I suggest watching your tone with people in the future?
Click to expand...

When you start a thread on talk bass you frequently get feedback/comments about everything in the thread whether you ask for it or not.

Did any of the songs have any Christian references in the lyrics? Nobody mentioned their faith? Sorry, it's just hard to understand how they could hide the fact that they were hard core Christians for an entire month - not saying it couldn't happen, just trying to understand.
 

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