An old onion article that REALLY HAPPENED to me

[MatticusMania]

If you played with them for a month and didn't know they were Christians, they weren't much Christians.

Most Christians I know dont walk around spouting their religious beliefs or trying to convert others to their own faith.
Ive also played with a band for a long time where I couldnt hear the lyrics, but only a melody.
I could see how one could be in a band with Christians for a month without realizing what was up.

 

[NWB]

You have absolutely ZERO familiarity with Christian metal, don't you? The lyrics are always very ambiguous, provided that you can even understand them through their screaming vocals.

And you're right. It's not the band that comes off as jerks. It's you. So you're welcome to apologize any time, son.

Not that my opinion is worth anything, but based on my experience the story appears quite plausible.

Also, your writing suggest a higher level of education/intelligence which strengthens the story to my mind.

I would further question the motives for an intentional deceit. Or, in other words, what would the OP stand to gain by lying about the experience?

 

[The Lurker]

Something similar happened to me about 15 years ago....I think it was an honest case of mistaken assumptions all round. Their rep was as a Christian band and their advertising had asked for a Christian bassist, but was new to the area (Virginia/Maryland/DC) and hadn't heard of them, and was referred to the gig via word of mouth, so they thought I knew what they were about, and the guitarists had Marshalls and Les Pauls, which are not things I had associated with Christian acts at the time. Rock and roll.

Two rehearsals, then first show, halfway through the first set they took a break between songs to introduce me as the new bass player and ask me to witness to the audience.


Er, what?


I'm not an evangelical Christian, and at that point I honestly had NO idea what the term 'to witness' meant, so I was standing there with a dumb expression on my face and no clue what was going on.... and I could see this really puzzled look on the singer's face... so I said FREE TIBET! and that got a cheer and we started playing again before the audience realized the wheels had come off.

My involvement with the band ended that night with some red faces but no hard feelings. I never had any pressure from them, but I just don't wear religion on my sleeve like that.

 

[Vinz Clortho]

A "Christian" band is not really there to play rock, it's there to wrap a preachy and out-of-date message in a current and relevant-sounding package.

...

Unlike the OP, I would have packed my sh`t right then and left them hanging. Of course, I have some pretty deep scars left from my last encounter with those folks. It was almost 30 years ago but I have not even come close to forgetting.

Now let's compare with the Christian who chimed in the thread...

Max, I can relate to most of your post. However, I think the bolded sentence may be a bit insulting to the Christians here.

I wouldn't paint all Christians with the same brush, so to speak.

I probably would have chosen a bit more respectful language.

So who's the one doing the preaching here? Angry atheist much?

 

[NWB]

Now let's compare with the Christian who chimed in the thread...

It's presumptive to call me a Christian. I never stated in my remark that I'm Christian.

For the record, I'm an atheist. I do have respect for those with religious beliefs though.

I just don't care for disrespectful and/or intolerant language.

 

[MatticusMania]

I'm not an evangelical Christian, and at that point I honestly had NO idea what the term 'to witness' meant, so I was standing there with a dumb expression on my face and no clue what was going on.... and I could see this really puzzled look on the singer's face... so I said FREE TIBET! and that got a cheer and we started playing again before the audience realized the wheels had come off.

Sweet!

 

[JoeDaddio]

I've been in my band for a couple of months now and I hardly know the names of the songs. The lyrics? I couldn't pick them out if they were on paper in front of me. I have no idea what our singer is singing about.

And to be honest, I don't really care all that much. I just play the bass


joe

 

[pklima]

I've been in my band for a couple of months now and I hardly know the names of the songs. The lyrics? I couldn't pick them out if they were on paper in front of me. I have no idea what our singer is singing about.

And to be honest, I don't really care all that much. I just play the bass


joe

Hahaha. Reminds me of an originals band I used to play in. For the first few gigs I'd ask the pianist what key the next song is in, he'd tell me what the title is, I'd say that means nothing to me and I just want to know what key it's in.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

Something similar happened to me about 15 years ago....I think it was an honest case of mistaken assumptions all round. Their rep was as a Christian band and their advertising had asked for a Christian bassist, but was new to the area (Virginia/Maryland/DC) and hadn't heard of them, and was referred to the gig via word of mouth, so they thought I knew what they were about, and the guitarists had Marshalls and Les Pauls, which are not things I had associated with Christian acts at the time. Rock and roll.

Two rehearsals, then first show, halfway through the first set they took a break between songs to introduce me as the new bass player and ask me to witness to the audience.


Er, what?


I'm not an evangelical Christian, and at that point I honestly had NO idea what the term 'to witness' meant, so I was standing there with a dumb expression on my face and no clue what was going on.... and I could see this really puzzled look on the singer's face... so I said FREE TIBET! and that got a cheer and we started playing again before the audience realized the wheels had come off.

My involvement with the band ended that night with some red faces but no hard feelings. I never had any pressure from them, but I just don't wear religion on my sleeve like that.

So what does it mean??

 

[MatticusMania]

So what does it mean??

In the religious sense... "to testify to religious beliefs or faith"

 

[afzoomie67]

I find that funny.

 

[Vinz Clortho]

It's presumptive to call me a Christian. I never stated in my remark that I'm Christian.

For the record, I'm an atheist. I do have respect for those with religious beliefs though.

I just don't care for disrespectful and/or intolerant language.

Entirely correct, but you have to admit that were I to make a guess I probably made the more obvious choice ;-)

 

[Unrepresented]

I used to sing and play bass in a Christian Rock/Metal band in another life. We were a trio that sounded like Pantera, Primus, and Faith No More had a love child. This made me laugh. I started thinking of all the songs I had written and then thinking how the titles could be about girls. Man I love me some Onion.

Minus the whole "Christian" thing, those are actually some of the same influences my band gets attributed. Makes me wonder if I'm from the future talking to my past self.

 

[Southpaw5]

I'd have a problem with being a messenger of a religious message that I didn't sign up to do and that I don't agree with. Same would go for political bands.

Yup, the guys in my band are ultra right wing and know damn well I'm not. Our song NEVER take a political stance, if they did I'd probably be out of there.

We're actually all old friends since elementary school, we just don't' share the same political views and often have an awesome time ripping on each-other.

 

[Primakurtz]

But despite having the band's female fans all to himself, Rolen has had little success.

"A lot of hot chicks are really into Pillar Of Salt," Rolen said. "After our first few shows, I thought I'd be getting more trim than a barbershop floor, but it hasn't worked out that way. Whenever I ask them to come back to the bus with me, they say, 'I can't do that—that's not right.' I'm like, 'Come on, this is rock 'n' roll.'"

Poor kid!

 

[The Lurker]

So what does it mean??

Essentially:

Saying "I like being a Christian."


Sometimes coupled with:

Asking "Would you like to be a Christian too?"

 

[Pacman]

You're really in no position to criticize the way I handled things. Might I suggest watching your tone with people in the future?

Speaking of watching your tone....how about you do that as well?

 

[1958Bassman]

So which is dumber: inadvertently taking the gig with the christian band, or the band hiring an atheist bassist?

I'm curious as to the name of the band, song titles and lyrical content or whether you showed up wearing a pentagrammed t-shirt or jewelry.

When did he say he was atheist? He could be Jewish, Hindi, Zoroastrian or some other non- Christian religion, but not necessarily pagan, Satanist or atheist/agnostic.

The point is, they play to a specific audience and send a particular message and they should have told him before he joined. That's called 'being honest'. If the goals of the band never entered the conversation, that's just a lack of communication by all involved.

 

[1958Bassman]

I do soundguy gigs for all sorts of things. Christian, Jewish... whatever. If I know what it is going in, and the check doesn't bounce then I don't care.
I'm not a Christian, not really anything. Whatever floats your boat. But one time I got hired to do a show and it turned out it was for this hardcore Christian rally. I never felt so out of place but I was cool with it until they started asking me to pray with them and sign petitions for causes I don't agree with.

Also, I got hired for Glen Campbell's orchestra playing upright bass, maybe, 10 or 11 years ago. I knew he was born again, and it was at a church so I knew what I was in for. But what made me laugh was during rehearsal I had my bow on the music stand. I reached down to grab a pencil or something and knocked my $1,200 bow on the ground. Out of habit I said "God damnit!". The entire cello section turned around and just glared at me. That was the last gig I ever did with them. Never got a call back.

They didn't try to save you?

 

[1958Bassman]

Most Christians I know dont walk around spouting their religious beliefs or trying to convert others to their own faith.
Ive also played with a band for a long time where I couldnt hear the lyrics, but only a melody.
I could see how one could be in a band with Christians for a month without realizing what was up.

I think the ones who go around asking people "Have you accepted Jesus as your personal Saviour" to a lot of people are new to it and haven't begun to feel others out before asking. The ones who have converted/increased their faith may post scripture (like several I know on Facebook), but they won't go around trying to convert everyone. Every single person I know who has been "Born Again" was in some sort of misery before, whether it was drinking, drugs, alternative religion or basically an A-hole. Some live their faith and some (among the ones on FB) post their scriptural quotes on a regular basis but also hateful comments about political opposites and allow others to add these comments on their posts. I see them as hypocrites but apparently, they don't.

If you know anyone who was a jerk before and has become Born Again, you would definitely notice it if a long time has passed since you've seen or spoken with them.