And suddenly... two bassists?

[Soulpirate]

It's time to move on. Yes they may spread rumors and trash talk you, but life goes on. A guitarist and I quit a band to form our own and had death threats made against our lives. We're both still alive and have been long forgotten by the "rock stars" we left behind.

Unless you sold yourself to them when you joined the band, I'm not sure how they can ban you from playing anything but the root notes. The "rock star" guitar player/singer from above, wrote a song and gave me the freedom to write the bass line for it, so I did. When we played the song, he stopped us in the middle of it and turned to me and told me I was playing it wrong. How can I be playing it wrong if I wrote it? I was defining the chord as a minor by adding the flat third, since all he played were power chords, root and fifth. Since it sounded minor, he figured it was wrong, but IMO, it suited the song better than the root would have.

Are they forcing you to buy another bass so the original bass player has something to use for the big gig, since you can't play 2 basses at the same time. If you love the bass you have, don't get another one unless you have a proper use for it, like a different tuning or something like that. Otherwise, you're going to end up sharing it with the old bass player. If you don't need a different tuning and just want a new or different bass, trade your old one in.

It's time to move on, put up posters looking for a drummer, connect with a drummer and then find a guitar player, then a singer and you'll have your own band. Create your own vision and give the other band a run for their money. You'll be happier and have the freedom to grow as a player. A friend of mine says "If you're not growing, you're dying." and in your case this rings with some truth. Best wishes.

 

[1958Bassman]

They somehow seem to think that having the old bassist is "safer" than having me. But she started playing the bass when they started the band, c. 3-4 years ago. She hadn't played guitar or any other instrument before that. When moving abroad she sold her bass and I think that she hasn't been playing since. So they think that having her is safer than having me who practices almost every day? I don't even know which bass she is going to play in the gig, since I was without a bass for a little while when I first started and we had very hard time finding someone who would borrow me one. I don't know if they are assuming that we can share my bass. I will let that happen over my dead body. That would be the last humiliation: "Sure, take my place in the band, and oh, here's my bass, you can have that one as well if you like".

My biggest fear is that after leaving they will start spreading evil rumours about me. The circles are very small here. That is also one part of the finding-a new-band-problem. It is hard to find people who play and who don't already have a band. Most of the bands searching for new members are often metal bands, and that just isn't my style. Like, in my old home town, there were maybe 3-4 drummers who played in all of the more "serious" bands in the area. And that was a city with population over 100.000.

If you think they would spread rumors and lies about you, create a separation agreement. It's a common human resources document and you can make it very simple- your part can say something like "As of xx/xx/xxxx, I am no longer a member of 'xxxx' band and if asked, I will make no other comments regarding our collective experience." Their part can say "Em K was a member of 'xxxx' band and as of xx/xx/xxxx, is no longer affiliated in any way and no member of this band has been authorized to comment on our experiences". All parties sign the agreement, dated and witnessed by a mutually agreed-upon third party.

Keep looking- you'll find someone else to make music with.

 

[Munjibunga]

If you think they would spread rumors and lies about you, create a separation agreement. It's a common human resources document and you can make it very simple- your part can say something like "As of xx/xx/xxxx, I am no longer a member of 'xxxx' band and if asked, I will make no other comments regarding our collective experience." Their part can say "Em K was a member of 'xxxx' band and as of xx/xx/xxxx, is no longer affiliated in any way and no member of this band has been authorized to comment on our experiences". All parties sign the agreement, dated and witnessed by a mutually agreed-upon third party.

Keep looking- you'll find someone else to make music with.

Yeah, that sometimes works in the business world, but I doubt any of these young ladies have the resources to enforce such an agreement. Even if they could afford it, what would anyone stand to recover?

 

[Rockin Mike]

Take care of yourself, your pride, your reputation, and your enjoyment of playing.

If you enjoy playing with this band, don't necessarily quit right away, show up and have fun. If you can become friends with the other bass player it's a creative opportunity. If it wouldn't be fun for you, don't try to force yourself to fit to other people's demands.

Take care of your pride by calmly and firmly saying what you are willing to do, and what you're not willing to do. Say "I don't want to be in a band with 2 bass players." if that's true for you. Be clear about your boundaries and think about what you're going to say before you say it. Don't do or say anything that would give anybody a bad story to tell about you.

Take care of your reputation by being professional. Show up on time and prepared, and do a good job. As long as you're in this band, do what this band requires. If the day comes you don't want to do it anymore, start looking for another opportunity. Say things like, "As long as I'm here I will do my best for this band. When the day ever comes that we go our separate ways, I hope we will remain friends." and mean it.

You are a bass player. You will always be in demand. Go to other bands' shows, get to know them and make friends. Jam with them. Then, when you are looking for a new band, it will be easier.

If you do decide to quit, and the band has gigs on the calendar, consider giving them two weeks notice so they don't have to cancel gigs. Do this because it makes you a great professional, regardless whether you like them or whether they deserve it.

 

[1958Bassman]

Yeah, that sometimes works in the business world, but I doubt any of these young ladies have the resources to enforce such an agreement. Even if they could afford it, what would anyone stand to recover?

If they know someone whose mom or dad is a lawyer, it should be easy enough. Let's face it- can't swing a dead cat without hitting a lawyer, anyway. Then, the fun starts.

Besides- free legal info is too easy to find fro someone to plead ignorance, at this point. They come to an agreement, sign off on it and if they're all over 18 years old, it's binding- at least here in the US. I don't know about other countries.

 

[1954bassman]

This is really a no-brainer. The "big" gig is six weeks away and they have another bassist to cover it. Give them two weeks notice, and walk away. Keep it friendly, and simple. don't make a scene, don't lose your cool. To be honest, you don't really even need to give them your reason(s). Don't burn any bridges. I am guessing you are young, so trust me on this, there will be plenty of opportunies to be in bands in your future. Keep practicing and improving your chops. Forget about that new bass if it is a financial strain right now. Wear out your old bass, it is your friend through all of this.

Also, there is nothing wrong with stepping out of your comfort zone and playing in a different musical style band for a change of pace. You might enjoy it, and it might be good theropy for you.

 

[K2000]

Now they aren't talking about having two bassists anymore, but using two different bass players in different songs! And how is that going to look like? One bass player comes in, one bass player comes out... I've never seen a band that does something like that. It is not like having some other artist featuring or anything. It is pure ********!

I have seen this several times, and it can work very well. You start the gig. Then the singer announces "we'd like to bring our old bass player up for a few songs, for old times sake". You switch over to sax, guitar or backup vocals. The other bass player plays a few songs. "Lets give some applause for the old bass player!". They sit down, and you finish the gig on bass.

I would just do this one time (one show only).

Was there another post where you said the old bass player doesn't even own a bass? This goes to show they are not serious about music.

You have more power in this situation than you realize. Remain calm and rational. Explain your side clearly. In my opinion, letting the old bassist play a few songs would be generous and gracious on your part, and would make you look like the bigger person. Just don't sit down while the other person plays (you're still in the band, right?) and have a strict agreement among everybody for how many songs will have a substitute bassist.

By the way, if the other band members are truly not happy with your playing, you need to practice a lot more. Getting replaced because of musical ability is totally legitimate. And if you get outplayed by this person during the show, that will be a bitter pill to swallow, but hopefully it spurs you to practice more and improve your skills.

 

[EddiePlaysBass]

I would just do this one time (one show only).

And you would create a precedent for the next time that other bass player decides she wants to play a big show while in town.

By the way, if the other band members are truly not happy with your playing, you need to practice a lot more. Getting replaced because of musical ability is totally legitimate. And if you get outplayed by this person during the show, that will be a bitter pill to swallow, but hopefully it spurs you to practice more and improve your skills.

I disagree, again. In my current band, all the members know a boatload of bass players that can play circles around me with just their pinky finger. Yet they picked me to play bass in this band, because they like me as a person and like my approach to bass. I "fit" in with the band on all levels. May be that this is the case with OP and the former bassist.

But I also wonder how old they all are, to be honest. This sounds like childish behaviour so they could all be in their 40s They're musicians after all

 

[trowaclown]

They somehow seem to think that having the old bassist is "safer" than having me. But she started playing the bass when they started the band, c. 3-4 years ago. She hadn't played guitar or any other instrument before that. When moving abroad she sold her bass and I think that she hasn't been playing since. So they think that having her is safer than having me who practices almost every day? I don't even know which bass she is going to play in the gig, since I was without a bass for a little while when I first started and we had very hard time finding someone who would borrow me one. I don't know if they are assuming that we can share my bass. I will let that happen over my dead body. That would be the last humiliation: "Sure, take my place in the band, and oh, here's my bass, you can have that one as well if you like".

My biggest fear is that after leaving they will start spreading evil rumours about me. The circles are very small here. That is also one part of the finding-a new-band-problem. It is hard to find people who play and who don't already have a band. Most of the bands searching for new members are often metal bands, and that just isn't my style. Like, in my old home town, there were maybe 3-4 drummers who played in all of the more "serious" bands in the area. And that was a city with population over 100.000.

TLDR. I think the overwhelming majority of the people who have posted here are in consensus about what you should do. Elaborating more with these long paragraphs isn't going to change theirs, and doesn't look like it will change yours. Good luck, have fun.

 

[Em_K]

I could let her play a few songs "for the old times sake" but the other members won't let me play guitar or sax or sing background vocals while she plays so I'd end up leaving the stage or sitting in the background. They say it's too risky to have any new elements, and this concerns also me playing guitar or sax. They think that me singing in the background or playing the second guitar needs a lot of practice and arrangements, and they don't even ask my opinion. I guess that this is because their skills and knowledge is limited and they are afraid that they can't adjust themselves to a new situation.

I really doubt that the old bassist is better than me. I mean, if she hasn't practiced for nearly two years? I play at least an hour every day. In weekends I can spend 5-6 hours just playing. And what does it tell about her passion for playing that she sells her bass and doesn't buy a new one? I could never do that. I'd get depressed.

The other members of the band are in their late 20's and early 30's, so they aren't teenagers anymore, which, I guess, makes it even more sad. I'm a bit younger myself.

 

[1958Bassman]

I could let her play a few songs "for the old times sake" but the other members won't let me play guitar or sax or sing background vocals while she plays so I'd end up leaving the stage or sitting in the background. They say it's too risky to have any new elements, and this concerns also me playing guitar or sax. They think that me singing in the background or playing the second guitar needs a lot of practice and arrangements, and they don't even ask my opinion. I guess that this is because their skills and knowledge is limited and they are afraid that they can't adjust themselves to a new situation.

I really doubt that the old bassist is better than me. I mean, if she hasn't practiced for nearly two years? I play at least an hour every day. In weekends I can spend 5-6 hours just playing. And what does it tell about her passion for playing that she sells her bass and doesn't buy a new one? I could never do that. I'd get depressed.

The other members of the band are in their late 20's and early 30's, so they aren't teenagers anymore, which, I guess, makes it even more sad. I'm a bit younger myself.

If she hasn't played at all in the last two years and the rest of the band thinks she'll be able to pull it off, they may have a death wish for the band. If she's as bad as I think she will be and it goes as badly as I think it will, the band may be history after that gig. Nobody wants to hear someone play badly, regardless of how much the band likes them. To me, it seems that she has been missed by the rest of the band for what she did and was in the past, but I really think they'll be disappointed if she hasn't played in the interim. If they don't rehearse with her before this gig, it's not going to go well.

They may feel that the age difference is the problem but might not want to say exactly that. The real cause of this whole thing is due to a lack of honesty and clear communication.

 

[fdeck]

Here's my advice. If the band wants to replace you, there's nothing you can do about it but be as professional as possible. When it's her time to sit in, I suggest sitting down in the audience, watch, and be supportive, with a big smile on your face. Congratulate her when she's done.

After the gig, you will have a better sense of what the band's intentions are. If they want to continue to involve the other bassist, then the gracious way out is simply to say that you want to go in a different musical direction.

If the band is pushing you around -- gear choices, root notes, etc. -- then it's not a good fit anyway, regardless of the other bassist. And for cripe's sake, don't let any band dictate your gear choices. I'd never put up with that.

 

[lbanks]

Geeze! Just LEAVE!

 

[Bredian]

I could let her play a few songs "for the old times sake" but the other members won't let me play guitar or sax or sing background vocals while she plays so I'd end up leaving the stage or sitting in the background. They say it's too risky to have any new elements, and this concerns also me playing guitar or sax. They think that me singing in the background or playing the second guitar needs a lot of practice and arrangements, and they don't even ask my opinion. I guess that this is because their skills and knowledge is limited and they are afraid that they can't adjust themselves to a new situation.

I really doubt that the old bassist is better than me. I mean, if she hasn't practiced for nearly two years? I play at least an hour every day. In weekends I can spend 5-6 hours just playing. And what does it tell about her passion for playing that she sells her bass and doesn't buy a new one? I could never do that. I'd get depressed.

The other members of the band are in their late 20's and early 30's, so they aren't teenagers anymore, which, I guess, makes it even more sad. I'm a bit younger myself.

Em_K - vent, yes, but don't put any more energy into this loosing band.

Take your equip and your experience and put some positive energy into a new gig. They're just making up reasons, they've already decided what they want. What they say now really means nothing.


This is like a divorce, one side doesn't have a choice.

 

[pudgychef]

I could let her play a few songs "for the old times sake" but the other members won't let me play guitar or sax or sing background vocals while she plays so I'd end up leaving the stage or sitting in the background. They say it's too risky to have any new elements, and this concerns also me playing guitar or sax. They think that me singing in the background or playing the second guitar needs a lot of practice and arrangements, and they don't even ask my opinion. I guess that this is because their skills and knowledge is limited and they are afraid that they can't adjust themselves to a new situation.

I really doubt that the old bassist is better than me. I mean, if she hasn't practiced for nearly two years? I play at least an hour every day. In weekends I can spend 5-6 hours just playing. And what does it tell about her passion for playing that she sells her bass and doesn't buy a new one? I could never do that. I'd get depressed.

The other members of the band are in their late 20's and early 30's, so they aren't teenagers anymore, which, I guess, makes it even more sad. I'm a bit younger myself.

she wouldn't need to be a better player to be a better fit - plenty of folks could play circles around Adam Clayton...but they aren't in U2 - trying to crowbar Claypool into that band wouldn't sound as good...but there is no comparison in chops.

it sounds like a group of children, regardless of age on birth certificates

 

[DBCrocky]

Remember that all these internet strangers telling you to make a rash decision based on a few paragraphs on a chat board don't have to deal with the consequences...it might be the best move but I wouldn't quit until I was sure the situation could not be salvaged.

If what you are saying is true, that she hasn't been playing and you've been practicing a minimum 1 hour each day, then you're playing should be in a different league. All the more reason to let them hear you side by side.

You have no obligation to lend her your bass, don't do it if you don't want to. Nobody can expect to use someone else's instrument, that is just a given. However, if she does stand in for a couple of songs, you should let her use your amp/rig (if you're not using another backline). It's pretty standard for bass players to share their rigs, and it also makes sound engineers happy, too.

If she does stand in, stay on the stage, even if you're just dancing and clapping your hands or whatever. It demonstrates clearly that you are in the band and she is a guest. Asking to play sax or guitar or vocals is a little iffy, if the band has not previously approved you on these instruments, plus it creates hassles for the engineers. A shaker or tambourine would be appropriate and would not need anything from the sound guy.

Allowing a guest to come in and play a couple of tunes on her own bass while you stay on stage would be a classy way to allow everyone to get what they want, plus maybe opening the eyes of the other girls in your band as to what you're bringing that they maybe are taking for granted.

Good luck to you however this turns out!

 

[bassinplace]

In my opinion, unless they're paying you what you consider to be reasonable compensation, they have no right to tell you what to play. Period. If they do, split. Don't let them waste any more of your time.

 

[Em_K]

It seems that they didn't have the guts to talk to me straight in the first place. If they had told me that they want the old bassist to play a few songs, I could have maybe accepted that. But their strategy was to tell me I can't play, and try to leave me out that way. I didn't - naturally - accept that. I proved them wrong, like I do with all the false accusations.

When they couldn't say that I was a bad player anymore, they started to tell how important person this old bassist is etc. etc.
They even said that "it is an honour to play with her".

They suggested that she'd play all the old songs and I'd play the new ones. Which makes six for her and two for me!

I wanted to make a (bad) compromise and suggested that if we'd just play 50-50, but that wasn't alright for them neither. They even wanted to make "a poll" to see who wants me to play and who wants the old bassist! It would be just as democratic as a presidential election in North Korea.


The say I'm a whiner and cause them a lot of trouble. But I guess no bass player would accept such a behaviour. It is gonna be VERY VERY hard to find a bass player who can be put in corner every time the old bassist is around.

 

[nobodysfool]

It seems that they didn't have the guts to talk to me straight in the first place. If they had told me that they want the old bassist to play a few songs, I could have maybe accepted that. But their strategy was to tell me I can't play, and try to leave me out that way. I didn't - naturally - accept that. I proved them wrong, like I do with all the false accusations.

When they couldn't say that I was a bad player anymore, they started to tell how important person this old bassist is etc. etc.
They even said that "it is an honour to play with her".

They suggested that she'd play all the old songs and I'd play the new ones. Which makes six for her and two for me!

I wanted to make a (bad) compromise and suggested that if we'd just play 50-50, but that wasn't alright for them neither. They even wanted to make "a poll" to see who wants me to play and who wants the old bassist! It would be just as democratic as a presidential election in North Korea.


The say I'm a whiner and cause them a lot of trouble. But I guess no bass player would accept such a behaviour. It is gonna be VERY VERY hard to find a bass player who can be put in corner every time the old bassist is around.

Sounds like you've made your decision to leave....

 

[paul_s]

Sounds like you've made your decision to leave....

+1, your initial suspicions that they were trying to push you out are indeed correct.