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Are you going to this, or do I have to?
- Thread starter White Beard
- Start date
Try "Imma do X...unless you get to it first." Have a few healing potions handy.
Sort of like "How many times do I have to tell you...". The correct answer is "Let's find out together."
Sort of like "How many times do I have to tell you...". The correct answer is "Let's find out together."
- Apr 18, 2008
- 16,020
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- Disclosures
- I'm highly opinionated and extremely self-assured
It depends on what (if any) psychoses are affecting the asker.
My wife and I talk about this regularly. People say X when they really mean Y (or X and Y, or X and Y and %%%%%%%%%%%%% Z, goddammit).
If you mean Y, you should just say Y. If you mean Y but say X, then you shouldn't get mad when I hear X and not Y.
People are so frustrating.
My wife and I talk about this regularly. People say X when they really mean Y (or X and Y, or X and Y and %%%%%%%%%%%%% Z, goddammit).
If you mean Y, you should just say Y. If you mean Y but say X, then you shouldn't get mad when I hear X and not Y.
People are so frustrating.
Last edited by a moderator:
Since you were already thinking about it, which is half the job, and I wasn't. You go ahead and have fun with it. 
I've voted "You were expected to have already completed task X", but with a grim gesture. I like less emotionally charged ways. "Please, I need you to get task X done" works better for me. In general I feel way more accountable (and commited, and loyal, and guilty if things go wrong) when LEAD, not BOSSED.
JazznFunk
Supporting Member
It comes across as snarky regardless of the intent, IMO. Without more context about what was asked and when it was asked to be done in the first place, it definitely depends on vocal inflection and context. As for using this kind of language in a marriage.... I question the health of some peoples' marriages!
As a manager of some stripe at my day gig, who hates ambiguity and b.s., I would approach it like this: 'This ideally needed to be completed by X date. Can you please make sure it's done by X (new date), and if that's not possible, let me know so we can find an alternative approach. I'll help if I can, if you get in a bind.' That tells them there's an expectation to get it done, but I'm also willing to work together if problems arise.
There's a difference between being a leader and just being a boss.
As a manager of some stripe at my day gig, who hates ambiguity and b.s., I would approach it like this: 'This ideally needed to be completed by X date. Can you please make sure it's done by X (new date), and if that's not possible, let me know so we can find an alternative approach. I'll help if I can, if you get in a bind.' That tells them there's an expectation to get it done, but I'm also willing to work together if problems arise.
There's a difference between being a leader and just being a boss.
HAHAHAHA - I forgot about that.
I managed 28 people. There are times to tell someone it needs to be done and, others to ask. At work, bosses need to be bosses and do their job so things get done, ON TIME. If the tail wags the dog the bosses time being boss are short.
If this is family well, just do what is necessary.
If this is family well, just do what is necessary.
"....or do I have to do it?" is an implied threat, or an attempt to shame the other person into doing their job. I never said that in about 25 years as a supervisor. If I have to do it myself, I didn't make a song and dance of it, I just do it without any fanfare. Then I would confront the employee and let he/she know I was pissed, and remind them of the job requirements they agreed to, to get hired. I never gave a subordinate the opportunity to tell me "OK, do it yourself". Also, if you do it yourself, the employee might get the false impression you're covering for him/her. That ususally results in more laziness.
In a personal relationship it's more nuanced.. My method for avoding situations like this is to establish ground rules with new friends, lovers, etc. I don't spell it out, but establish my tolerance levels in subtle ways. If it looks like a person I'm associating with is a loser, I cut them off pretty fast.
As has already been said, without context this question can only result in guesses and past experiences.
Tom
In a personal relationship it's more nuanced.. My method for avoding situations like this is to establish ground rules with new friends, lovers, etc. I don't spell it out, but establish my tolerance levels in subtle ways. If it looks like a person I'm associating with is a loser, I cut them off pretty fast.
As has already been said, without context this question can only result in guesses and past experiences.
Tom
songwriter21
I have an obsession for wood. The musical kind.
JazznFunk
Supporting Member
Believe it or not, people opt to get married because they got together for the right reasons, organically, without religious or societal pressures even, and want to commit to each other. Imagine that! It's worked really well for my wife and I for 23 years so far. YMMV.
For sure there are connotations. I would argue that it typically means the following (at a minimum).
1. They expected you to have already completed the task (which means you had to know it was necessary)
2. They are annoyed that you haven't completed it yet and/or are unaware of it
3. They are annoyed that they might have to now complete the task themselves
4. They are attempting to project power by asserting (indirectly) that they are superior in both observational skills and capability
The primary purpose of that phrase seems mostly as a harmful, belittling approach, and not something with the intent of encouraging or assisting.
Now I know why...
