Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
Bachelorhood
- Thread starter CrispyDelicious
- Start date
I'll imitate a previous poster and be brutally honest as well.
Most people from both genders are screwed up. You pick your poison and decide if you can deal with their flavor of "screwed-upness."
I was in a 7-year long relationship which began at the age of 20 and I learned a lot from it. My ideal has always been to have an equal partnership in a relationship with no blatant dominance being present from either person, but it's been my experience that most people want to dominate and coupling that with the fact that I'm not a doormat, it's been a challenge to find a pretty, interesting, funny, intelligent, and charming girl. In the end, I broke it off with this girl because of many things, mostly due to her pride, ego, and controlling nature. The last 2 years were utter hell and I hung in there despite everybody's advice thinking that she'd snap out of it. She never did and though I
Since I said I'd be brutally honest, I'll disclose that within 2 years, I had had dates with more than 50 different girls! So nobody can accuse me of not trying. There was always at least one fundamentally wrong thing with the date. Either she was humorless, a snob, dumb, boring, a combination of some or all of these, or simply ended up being of a whole different personality set that I wasn't interested in in the slightest.
When I had given up, I met my current g/f of the last 2.5 years entirely by chance. We had a whole bunch of elements working against us, the biggest one being the fact that she was in a difference province (the Canadian equivalent of "state"), a whole 7h car ride away and throwing work and social commitments into the mix, made it hard for us to "survive" this test, but we did! We passed with flying colors and I have since moved in with her and have been enjoying the time we spend together everyday.
She's nothing short of the most perfect person for me. I'm extremely good at sizing up people I meet for the first time and typically will have them pegged as being this or that within a few min. She did not disappoint me since day one and has always been fantastic even in the (slightly) trying times. Meanwhile, I have met loads of girls since I've been with her from everyday life and I can't believe I'd be as happy or even happier being with anybody else but her.
It takes a ridiculous amount of patience and it's easy to have our naive enthusiasm crushed by the selection of bottom-feeders that we're likely to date or meet, but if you hang in there, it can happen! I don't subscribe to the theory that you *need* to be with somebody to be happy. BUT,... if you *do* find that special someone with whom there's chemistry, your McCartney to your Lennon if you will, it can pay off real big if you take that leap of faith and take a chance on opening your heart up.
Good luck!
Most people from both genders are screwed up. You pick your poison and decide if you can deal with their flavor of "screwed-upness."
I was in a 7-year long relationship which began at the age of 20 and I learned a lot from it. My ideal has always been to have an equal partnership in a relationship with no blatant dominance being present from either person, but it's been my experience that most people want to dominate and coupling that with the fact that I'm not a doormat, it's been a challenge to find a pretty, interesting, funny, intelligent, and charming girl. In the end, I broke it off with this girl because of many things, mostly due to her pride, ego, and controlling nature. The last 2 years were utter hell and I hung in there despite everybody's advice thinking that she'd snap out of it. She never did and though I
Since I said I'd be brutally honest, I'll disclose that within 2 years, I had had dates with more than 50 different girls! So nobody can accuse me of not trying. There was always at least one fundamentally wrong thing with the date. Either she was humorless, a snob, dumb, boring, a combination of some or all of these, or simply ended up being of a whole different personality set that I wasn't interested in in the slightest.
When I had given up, I met my current g/f of the last 2.5 years entirely by chance. We had a whole bunch of elements working against us, the biggest one being the fact that she was in a difference province (the Canadian equivalent of "state"), a whole 7h car ride away and throwing work and social commitments into the mix, made it hard for us to "survive" this test, but we did! We passed with flying colors and I have since moved in with her and have been enjoying the time we spend together everyday.
She's nothing short of the most perfect person for me. I'm extremely good at sizing up people I meet for the first time and typically will have them pegged as being this or that within a few min. She did not disappoint me since day one and has always been fantastic even in the (slightly) trying times. Meanwhile, I have met loads of girls since I've been with her from everyday life and I can't believe I'd be as happy or even happier being with anybody else but her.
It takes a ridiculous amount of patience and it's easy to have our naive enthusiasm crushed by the selection of bottom-feeders that we're likely to date or meet, but if you hang in there, it can happen! I don't subscribe to the theory that you *need* to be with somebody to be happy. BUT,... if you *do* find that special someone with whom there's chemistry, your McCartney to your Lennon if you will, it can pay off real big if you take that leap of faith and take a chance on opening your heart up.
Good luck!
This is exactly how I feel. I'm in my mid thirties and have no plans of getting married. I think by the time I reach my fifties I would like to find someone to grow old with.
Nah, its something else. It happens before love, as how does one 'love' someone that they hardly know? The love thing settles in a little later. What I meant was that when I met my fiancee, there was something special about her, even though I hardly knew her, that nudged me in her direction, saying 'thats the kinda girl thats right for you'.
I just bought my own place 6 months ago or so, and I can tell you I am THRILLED I have had 100% freedom since the closing. I was in a 5-year relationship prior to that, but strangely never even considered marriage... It's the main reason I'm now single. Haha My time at the new place has been (other than the pesky mortgage payments) a 6 month party thus far!
I practically started living at my gf's house after we got together. I was there everyday and would always spend the night. I didnt officially move in until about a year ago. Its been a year and a half long party for me.
I refer to this as Seinfeld syndrome. She's a low-talker, she has man hands, can't remember her name, she looks good in certain light but not in others, her toothbrush fell in the toilet, the list goes on and on!
Its funny how that happens. Its so much easier to meet the perfect person once you stop trying to find them.
Amelia was my friend first during which I was searching. She would just come over and hang out and smoke with me. All the time I spent searching and she was right under my nose the whole time.
I admit my post was on the lengthy side, but this bit followed the quoted section you chose.
It's not like I have high expectations. The list of flaws I mentioned is there to show that these personality traits were fundamental ; not trivial. Everybody's different, but I couldn't be in a relationship with somebody who is humorless or is dumb as a post.Strat-Mangler said:
Again, it takes all kinds. I'm sure to some people, these things can be dealt with, but I simply couldn't get past these (IMHO) fundamental issues. From my point of view, these weren't flaws I could accept.
Having said that, I totally understand how some people have ridiculous expectations and dump their dates at the mere sight of an imperfection. Luckily, that's never been the case with me. I'm too down-to-earth for that... and I realize that I'm not perfect either.
To be blunt, I always thought that was BS. But you know what? It actually did happen to me! At that point, I was only going out with girls for sex and nothing else. I mean, I can certainly stand a snob for one night if she's drop-dead gorgeous and sheds her clothes. lol! But when I had no other goal than to bed any hot date I could get, in walks this nice girl who is beautiful outside *&* inside with all the qualities I ever looked for.
Honestly, I'm convinced there's somebody for everybody... and even *more* convinced that you got to play the odds and cast a wide net. Play the numbers. Go through a ton of bores, attention whores, etc. Eventually, you'll come across a sweet girl who'll be "the One" for you.
I admit my post was on the lengthy side, but this bit followed the quoted section you chose.
It's not like I have high expectations. The list of flaws I mentioned is there to show that these personality traits were fundamental ; not trivial. Everybody's different, but I couldn't be in a relationship with somebody who is humorless or is dumb as a post.
Again, it takes all kinds. I'm sure to some people, these things can be dealt with, but I simply couldn't get past these (IMHO) fundamental issues. From my point of view, these weren't flaws I could accept.
Having said that, I totally understand how some people have ridiculous expectations and dump their dates at the mere sight of an imperfection. Luckily, that's never been the case with me. I'm too down-to-earth for that... and I realize that I'm not perfect either.
I wasnt judging you or implying that your reasons for dumping those girls were trivial, I was only illustrating the Seinfeld correlation.
I was single until I was 39. After that, I was happily married for 8 years and my late wife and I almost made it to our 14th anniversary. I've been "single" again for 3 years but I eagerly await the time when I will marry the woman I will spend the rest of my life with. That event will take place sometime early next year. Being single for as long as I was, it was still an easy thing to give up. I loved my wife although there came a time when I didn't like her (it can happen). My future wife is the one I should have been with and will be with as soon as is possible.
I was married for a good while then got divorced,,,,,,and swore that I would never get married again,,that s*** was just too crazy. I ran around town for a while and found out that I couldn't deal with that either. If I continued at that pace I would probably be dead,,,,there are just way too many women (for you women here it goes both ways,,,uh maybe
, since yall are from another planet,,etc..) looking to snatch a righteous man and turn him to slave,,,There were just too many women,,,,,or maybe they were really succubuses' . Anyway,,,I am happily married now,,and I don't ever want to be out there again,,,too dangerous. Besides,,,in this day and age, your thang might fall off
p.s I feel lucky,,'cause it is not easy to find a good partner,,and it often takes a BIG LOT OF TIME to see their personality features,,searching and searching. Good luck bachelors!
, since yall are from another planet,,etc..) looking to snatch a righteous man and turn him to slave,,,There were just too many women,,,,,or maybe they were really succubuses' . Anyway,,,I am happily married now,,and I don't ever want to be out there again,,,too dangerous. Besides,,,in this day and age, your thang might fall off p.s I feel lucky,,'cause it is not easy to find a good partner,,and it often takes a BIG LOT OF TIME to see their personality features,,searching and searching. Good luck bachelors!
It's a trade (trading up!) I exchanged a certain amount of freedom for a responsible commitment to a person willing to exchange theirs too. It's not easy, but the rewards are worth it.
Unbridled freedom is great, but if you can find someone who you want to give some of that up for, you get (hopefully) a lasting, symbiotic life, which can lead into directions that you alone would never take.
I brought my girlfriend of 2 years gorge jumping, which I'm sure she never would have done without me. She taught me how to meditate, something I never would have done. A good relationship is mostly about the give and take over a period of time, and as long as you don't *condemn* yourself to love instantly, you can find a lot.
Then again, being a bachelor is a lot of fun, and it probably works better for you than for me, 'cause I'm a hopeless idiot who alone would probably impale my leg on the antenna of a submerged car in a gorge... Wait a second, I did do that, now I check before I jump.
I brought my girlfriend of 2 years gorge jumping, which I'm sure she never would have done without me. She taught me how to meditate, something I never would have done. A good relationship is mostly about the give and take over a period of time, and as long as you don't *condemn* yourself to love instantly, you can find a lot.
Then again, being a bachelor is a lot of fun, and it probably works better for you than for me, 'cause I'm a hopeless idiot who alone would probably impale my leg on the antenna of a submerged car in a gorge... Wait a second, I did do that, now I check before I jump.
- Feb 8, 2005
- 3,636
- 1,053
- Disclosures
- Endorsing Artist: Bag End - Dean Markley - Thunderfunk
For every person who talks about how great life is with their ultimate partner whom they cannot imagine life without and with whom life has taken on a whole new dimension of meaning, there is another who talks of being freed from the bonds of relationship Hell and revels in the freedom of being single...unable to imagine going back.
In short, everything in life has its' pros and cons.
One of my favorite quotes from Sting about this very idea:
"When I'm on the road, I miss being at home and with my family. When I'm home, I miss being on the road."
The grass is always greener....
In short, everything in life has its' pros and cons.
One of my favorite quotes from Sting about this very idea:
"When I'm on the road, I miss being at home and with my family. When I'm home, I miss being on the road."
The grass is always greener....
And a related quote from the selfsame man:
"I've spent so much of my life away from home; when I can be at home, I wanna be at home."
The guy speaks as per the demands of the situation
- Feb 8, 2005
- 3,636
- 1,053
- Disclosures
- Endorsing Artist: Bag End - Dean Markley - Thunderfunk
But that's the thing. Sting is a multi-millionaire, he only goes on the road by choice. He chooses to be away from his family in those circumstances. If homelife was such perfect bliss, he would never do so. Which leads me back to...And a related quote from the selfsame man:
"I've spent so much of my life away from home; when I can be at home, I wanna be at home."
The guy speaks as per the demands of the situation
I get your point totally. But I wish I could link you to a vid of Sting saying the words I posted (on the Inside The Songs Of Sacred Love DVD). The way he speaks them, he obviously means to convey a sense of comfort being at home that he enjoys and misses when he's on the road.
But obviously there's no denying your original point. No place, no situation is a bed of roses. It's human nature to yearn for the other side, where...
- Feb 8, 2005
- 3,636
- 1,053
- Disclosures
- Endorsing Artist: Bag End - Dean Markley - Thunderfunk
