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Bachelorhood

CrispyDelicious

CrispyDelicious

Oct 21, 2008
2,208
17
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
#1
Do we have bachelors on TB that are such because they decided it's what they wanted? To be honest, I've never been one for the idea of 'this is it' with respect to anything. Marriage is exactly the kind of thing that I can never see myself involved in. I've had my fair share of girlfriends, and I maintain a healthy supply of female companions for... purposes... but the thought of committing to a lifelong involvement with one person is beyond me.

I view relationships (all kids of relationships) as transient. The idea that two people will retain enough in common over the course of their lives as to merit contact indefinitely seems to go against the idea that people develop, grow and change as they age. For a time, each person takes something from the other, and vice versa, they learn from each other, mold each other. This, I feel, is the same for friendships as it is for intimate relationships. The time then comes when you move on and find new people to grow with.

So, I look at bachelorhood in a positive light - free to do as I please, meet and interact with whomever I choose. To define my life a a permanent part of someone else's has no appeal. Anyone else feel this way?

Link relevant:

 
#2
I am certainly no bachelor, having been married once and am now currently engaged.

While I have no problem with bachelorhood it just isnt for me. I understand your point:
For a time, each person takes something from the other, and vice versa, they learn from each other, mold each other.
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and think there is a lot of validity to it.

For me, though, Ive found someone with a curiosity that matches mine. Someone with the ability to form her own opinions seperate from mine (unlike my ex) and whom I can constantly learn from and grow with.

After leaving my ex-wife I was deadset on remaining the eternal bachelor. I was having a great time doing as I please, meeting and interacting with whomever I wanted. For the most part, I still do, in the realm outside of intimate relations. That all changed the day I met Keighley. Something really changed in me and I was drawn to her in a way that I wasnt to any other woman I may have found interest in. Its hard to explain, but its one of those things that when it happens to you, you just know (something I never felt even with my ex-wife).

I'm just approaching in terms of length, the amount of time I was with my ex with my new partner. Whereas I was kind of over the relationship with my ex by this point (the evil ****) I have to say my relationship with my fiancee still feels new to me. There is still a lot for me to learn from her, and even more for us to learn together.

While I see nothing wrong with your desire to remain the eternal bachelor, there is just no way I could let go of my precious Keighley, not for all carnal pleasure in the world.
 
#3
I was in a very bad marriage for 10 years. Got divorced in April of '93, kept to myself for 3 years to "think things over" and slowly tried to get back into the idea of dating. I wasn't too successful.

I'm going to be 100% honest here. For whatever reason(s) I cannot find the enthusiasm for wanting to start all over again and belive me when I say that I tried. It's nothing against anybody or anything and it's not that I'm against relationships. But I came to find that it's not what I want to try to do anymore. Just can't find the thrill, want, need, desire or lust, it's just not there.....and no, I'm not gay either.

Being alone isn't perfect but compared to what I went thru with my ex-wife it's eutopia.
 
#5
Common ground is a crock. About the only thing my wife and I have in common is our views on religion and health/diet. The one thing we do have is chemistry and that goes a long way. That and I know of few women that would put up with my ****.
 
#6
MatticusMania said:
For me, though, Ive found someone with a curiosity that matches mine. Someone with the ability to form her own opinions seperate from mine (unlike my ex) and whom I can constantly learn from and grow with.
Click to expand...

I just got out of a two year relationship. I intend fully on being alone for a while. And you said exactly why I ended the relationship. She seemed more interested in having a boyfriend than she ever did as having me as her boyfriend, and she never seemed to have an opinion other than "whatever you want.


I don't think this is what I want forever because I see how my great uncle is. He's by far the oldest bachelor I know at 92. I asked him about it once when I was younger and he kind of brushed the question off.
 
#7
jp58 said:
I just got out of a two year relationship. I intend fully on being alone for a while. And you said exactly why I ended the relationship. She seemed more interested in having a boyfriend than she ever did as having me as her boyfriend, and she never seemed to have an opinion other than "whatever you want.
Click to expand...

After my experience with my ex I really thought I wanted to be alone forever and had no intentions on ever marrying again. It was only about 5 months before I found the person I both want & can spend the rest of my life with. The great thing about going through that first experience is that now you know exactly what you don't want. That goes along way towards finding what you do want.
 
#8
I dunno. I was a bachelor up until my 30's. Sowed my wild oats, partied like a rock star, had a moment of clarity and decided to settle down. Probably the single best decision (pun intended) I ever made in my life, despite of all the worries of it going south. There is nothing like coming home from a day of work and having someone waiting at home for you. Someone sitting across the dinnertable while eating or watching tv. When you're with someone long enough (if you have the same desires and goals) everything just seems to fit. You can enjoy the silence, never say a word, yet everyone knows whats going on. Not to glorify things (since there are always rough patches), but for the most part the good outweighs the bad. I still have bachelor friends who go out all the time, and do what they want, but I wouldn't change a thing. It boils down to compatability. If you are lucky enough to meet the right person, after looks fade and viagra is needed, you can still laugh together. On the other hand, a wrinkled, sagging bachelor looking for some with a bottle of viagra is just disturbing :D
 
#18
BurningSkies said:
You know back in the 'olden days' the term 'confirmed bachelor' just meant that you weren't a fan of the ladies if you know what I mean. ;)
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Yes - that's what they used to say about Dirk Bogarde, who had many female fans and was a film heartthrob - but all those women were wasting their time!! ;)
 
#20
Bachelorhood-----hmmm-----when you have it, you have some second thoughts and when you do not have it, you have some definitely first thoughts. Read into that all you want.:hiding:
 

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