Bad Christmas period memories

[Michedelic]

Today(xmas eve)my oldest cat slipped away. It’s OK, she was 14, had an inoperable mass impinging on her digestive system, it was only a matter of time. She stopped eating not quite a week ago, rarely taking water. So even though we’re at peace with her being at peace, it will still impacted the day. Then there was the time when I was in grade school, that my dad, during the holiday week, hit a boy a little older than me with his car. No serious injury, and it was determined that it was not his fault; he was going a reasonable speed, there was snow, and the kid darted out from between two cars. But obviously he felt awful, and it of course dampened everything. Plus, it began the process for me where you come to realize that ‘dad’ is not Superman, and can make mistakes. You eventually learn that he(and mom, too)can be flawed individuals, that all that Ward and June Cleaver/Donna Reed/Father Knows Best* stuff is a big lie. At least I didn’t have to deal with alcohol problems, physical and sexual abuse, or family financial issues that a good number of my peers did. So, this season, while full of Happy Ho Ho Ho, it’s also a period of increased suicide rates, people whipped into an unnecessary frenzy spending money they don’t have(trying to ‘measure up’ to unrealistic expectations), or less than wonderful things that could happen at any time, but just end up happening the latter part of December. Anyone else want to get real? This has never been a Hallmark world.

*yeah, I know I just dated myself, but I saw all that in reruns, yeah, that’s it, reruns.

 

[BadSanta1281]

Back in the early 90's my 34 year old sister fell asleep on the couch on Christmas Eve and never woke up.

That was pretty real.

It took me quite a few years to come to the realization that wallowing in negativity throughout the holidays wasn't the right way to honor her memory. I still miss her and definitely feel the loss, especially this time of year.

Now I try to remember the great times we had together when we were young, especially at Christmas, and that makes me smile.

 

[JimK]

Man...
I used to think "How can anyone be depressed around the Holidays".
Now, at 61, I can see it.

Melancholy Christmas songs...I get it.

 

[two fingers]

Back in the early 90's my 34 year old sister fell asleep on the couch on Christmas Eve and never woke up.

That was pretty real.

It took me quite a few years to come to the realization that wallowing in negativity throughout the holidays wasn't the right way to honor her memory. I still miss her and definitely feel the loss, especially this time of year.

Now I try to remember the great times we had together when we were young, especially at Christmas, and that makes me smile.

Weird..... In March of 1994 my 20 year old sister did the same thing in a college dorm room. Her birthday was December 18th. So the Christmas season also included her birthday growing up.

I, like you, had to come to terms with experiencing the joy of Christmas again without her here.

 

[DirtDog]

I was going to bring up the time I didn’t get a particular present when I was 10, but man @BadSanta1281 and @two fingers, I’m sorry to hear of both your losses.

 

[Alkali Ike]

My maternal grandfather died on Christmas Day. This was way back when I was like 8 but I remember the moment. We lived in California and he was in Florida and I’d only seen him one time. So it didn’t register much except that now I realize how my mom tried to hold it together for the family on Christmas Day.

 

[two fingers]

I was going to bring up the time I didn’t get a particular present when I was 10, but man @BadSanta1281 and @two fingers, I’m sorry to hear of both your losses.

Oh my sister died in 1994. These days I'm blessed beyond what I deserve and at a point where I can remember her and smile.

 

[Sav'nBass]

December 16 of 2016 .. my marriage of then 26 years died.. Wife decided she no longer wanted to be married.. was in a "different place" and had "moved on" ... Three years later though .. I am in a very good place.. but that was my darkest Christmas time periood.. ever..

 

[Indiedog]

Today(xmas eve)my oldest cat slipped away. It’s OK, she was 14, had an inoperable mass impinging on her digestive system, it was only a matter of time. She stopped eating not quite a week ago, rarely taking water. So even though we’re at peace with her being at peace, it will still impacted the day. Then there was the time when I was in grade school, that my dad, during the holiday week, hit a boy a little older than me with his car. No serious injury, and it was determined that it was not his fault; he was going a reasonable speed, there was snow, and the kid darted out from between two cars. But obviously he felt awful, and it of course dampened everything. Plus, it began the process for me where you come to realize that ‘dad’ is not Superman, and can make mistakes. You eventually learn that he(and mom, too)can be flawed individuals, that all that Ward and June Cleaver/Donna Reed/Father Knows Best* stuff is a big lie. At least I didn’t have to deal with alcohol problems, physical and sexual abuse, or family financial issues that a good number of my peers did. So, this season, while full of Happy Ho Ho Ho, it’s also a period of increased suicide rates, people whipped into an unnecessary frenzy spending money they don’t have(trying to ‘measure up’ to unrealistic expectations), or less than wonderful things that could happen at any time, but just end up happening the latter part of December. Anyone else want to get real? This has never been a Hallmark world.

*yeah, I know I just dated myself, but I saw all that in reruns, yeah, that’s it, reruns.

Dang! I hate to hear this. I feel for you. Our kitties are very special parts of our lives. I know this sadness.

The holiday season can be difficult for many people. Many of us feel it.

 

[ElectroVibe]

My only bad memory was hanging out with a cynical friend during the holiday break one year, around middle school or early high school. He came from a family who weren't really big churchgoers. He was into things like exploring dangerous areas around his neighborhood. Even trespassing through the woods. It was just depressing.

But I would never let a bad memory ruin the spirit of Christmas. I would make it a point to celebrate the season "outside" of the designated days in December. For example, listening to a Christmas carol on the 25th of each and every month. Something like that.

 

[Killed_by_Death]

I was held hostage in a van between Thailand & Malaysia on xMas day once.
The driver insisted I pay a bribe to officials, but it was really his extortion fee.

I was faced with grabbing our bags & trying to find my own way (with someone else in tow) or pay up & shut-up.
When we got to the hotel the driver & many other drivers were staying in the room adjacent to ours & they gambled & drank ALL night! (loudly, I should add)

In the morning the driver pretended to be my pal & I wanted to punch him in the face until he couldn't see to drive home.
The whole thing is indelibly marked in my brain.

On the bright side, the food down there was great, dim-sum for breakfast & tandoori chicken for lunch.

 

[blastoff99]

Christmas for me historically has either involved a lot of Stuff To Do (church stuff, mostly) and not a lot of family. The 'not a lot of family' means that I've missed the good and the bad of that. Mostly my memories are of a rainy day and a few presents after the church stuff was done.

The last few years have been rougher. Five years ago, my spouse was on a rampage when I got home from my church stuff. Can't even recall what it was about, but it was breathtaking. I sat silently until bedtime, then I went to bed. Sometime around 2am, I gave said spouse a gentle shake to 'reset' the similar-to-RLS thing that had been going on for an hour. For my trouble, I got an elbow to the throat, a shove to the ribs, and a string of curse words I won't repeat.

The last three years, I've spent the day alone. This has been ok, as I'm not really sentimental and I'd have told you that holidays solo don't bother me. I'm kind of wondering if that's a lie, though. I did work part of Christmas, and there was no place available to me that I'd rather have been. But since I gave my notice last week, I won't be there for long. I didn't go to church. Nobody came over here, and I didn't go anywhere. I had no invitations. I think this bothers me more than I am willing to admit, because it shines the light on how alone I really am at this point in my life. I have plenty of acquaintances IRL. Friends? I dunno. Seems like the people I can be more emotionally real with are online, and although I'm grateful for y'all, and the opportunity to meet a few of you in 3D, it's strange to me how I haven't been able to cultivate those relationships with people around me.

So what did I get for Christmas? Too philosophical for my own good, apparently.

 

[oZZma]

The last three years, I've spent the day alone. This has been ok, as I'm not really sentimental and I'd have told you that holidays solo don't bother me. I'm kind of wondering if that's a lie, though. I did work part of Christmas, and there was no place available to me that I'd rather have been. But since I gave my notice last week, I won't be there for long. I didn't go to church. Nobody came over here, and I didn't go anywhere. I had no invitations. I think this bothers me more than I am willing to admit, because it shines the light on how alone I really am at this point in my life. I have plenty of acquaintances IRL. Friends? I dunno. Seems like the people I can be more emotionally real with are online, and although I'm grateful for y'all, and the opportunity to meet a few of you in 3D, it's strange to me how I haven't been able to cultivate those relationships with people around me.

I can relate so much with this.

 

[oZZma]

it's strange to me how I haven't been able to cultivate those relationships with people around me.

The worst part is, it's a vicious circle and once you fall in it it's almost impossible to get out.
The more you are alone, the more you have fear to be "emotionally real" with anyone.
You build an armor to protect yourself from rejection and suffering, but that armor becomes a prison.

 

[2saddleslab]

When I was about 9 it was tradition for the entire family on my dad's side to attend Christmas Eve at my uncle's house. My grandparents were late but when they finally showed up my grandfather walked down the steps [where we were all gathered] and slumped over the bar and died instantly of a heart attack.

That was the first time I understood how Christmas could be associated with sadness.

 

[ElectroVibe]

Speaking of grandfathers, I can remember hearing about how my grandfather would get sad around Christmas. He was always good to his grandchildren, but he grew up in a simpler and more humble situation in a big family. His siblings remained close throughout their lives, and they had probably celebrated it in a more humble way when they were growing up in the past. I can see how the commercialism could have brought him down.

On the other hand, I grew up surrounded by commercialism, so that's just another part of the holiday to me. It's like, you can only go up (spiritually) from all that. I don't get caught up in it. I never asked for anything when I was a kid. I was more into the music, the carols, the lights and decorations, the TV specials, etc.