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Band member into drugs

SXema

SXema

Jul 12, 2017
104
264
#1
So the drummer in my band is a really cool guy and plays soooo good... Until he gets a white powder up his nose.

Today we had a rehearsal with another band sharing their space with us. It was a special day we waited for weeks, we didn’t get together for almost two months after he got high and violent during rehearsal. He sent a message 1 hour late saying he was at a hospital with his father. This is the 3rd time he doesn’t show up and we are tired (lies, lies, lies). We have 1.1k folowers on Instagram and a couple of bands want us to play with them but we can’t because of him slowing everything down.

Any story like this? Band members and drugs F things up?
 
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#3
Been there a few times, but it’s been alcohol from my experience. It’s tragic to watch talent being wasted. I tried to get a friend of mine back in the game after a bitter divorce. Found some very talented and experienced musicians for a new project. It went well for a couple of months, but then he started showing up drunk. We record every practice and I can’t even listen to the ones with him in them, too painful. I’ve known and played with him for about 30 years and we’ve done two studio sessions in that time. Very talented musicians held back by his demons. I’ve got a few more of these, but they’re pretty much the same story. You can’t fix it, you need to move on.
 
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#6
Bands would be great if it wasn't for the musicians! (just kidding, sort of).

Of course, we all have personnel problems -- it comes with the territory. Stop thinking about the band as a static group of people. Think of it as a "brand" -- a name, a style of music, and a particular sound, generally. Drums, more than most other positions are the easiest to fill, so get another drummer. Keep the other guy on the list, but as a backup in case he ever happens to clean up. Then you'll have two. It's a bit of work to orient a new drummer, but use YouTube playlists so new drummers can learn the songs on their own without having to rehearse if the band already knows the tunes. Find ways of making it easy to integrate new musicians without any work on your part.

It'll be liberating and your band won't miss a heartbeat if a player is unavailable. The only hard part in this is singers. They tend to drive repertoire and can be tough to replace, but instrumentalists in a local band, not as hard if you are in city with decent musicians and money on the table.
 
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#9
Stumbo said:
the drummer...can't help someone who won't help themselves.

Btw, how is your ex-drummer funding his drug purchases?

Best keep him away from your rehearsal space before stuff goes missing.

Been there, done that. It never ends well.

Time to move on.

Good luck.
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He lives in an abandoned hotel, gets money from his family and he is working as a delivery driver.
 
#10
A recipe for him walking off with the PA. Remove the drums, change locks at the rehearsal space, and contact him to meet at a public place (bring the drums). When he shows up, tell him because of the drugs, andahis no showss you are moving on without him. Take pictures of the gear and the exchange if there is any concern he will state you kept his gear.
If you are that popular, you should be able to get a new drummer - you just wasted the break time.
 
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#11
Spent said:
Been there a few times, but it’s been alcohol from my experience. It’s tragic to watch talent being wasted. I tried to get a friend of mine back in the game after a bitter divorce. Found some very talented and experienced musicians for a new project. It went well for a couple of months, but then he started showing up drunk. We record every practice and I can’t even listen to the ones with him in them, too painful. I’ve known and played with him for about 30 years and we’ve done two studio sessions in that time. Very talented musicians held back by his demons. I’ve got a few more of these, but they’re pretty much the same story. You can’t fix it, you need to move on.
Click to expand...

We are sad but maybe we were expecting too much trying to help him. We are just bandmates, the band leader is a close friend to him, but if he doesn’t listen to his family...
 
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#12
SXema said:
We are sad but maybe we were expecting too much trying to help him. We are just bandmates, the band leader is a close friend to him, but if he doesn’t listen to his family...
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It doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends. I keep in touch with a couple of my former alcoholic band mates. We talk about jamming once in a while, but it’s just talk. They’re friends, I will always be there for them, just not going play. I was very up front about it, made it clear that their addiction, not talent, was the problem.
 
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#13
A certain percentage of musicians drink alcohol and/or use drugs. This has always been true, and will probably continue to be true in the forseable future.

There was a big shift in my consciousness, at a certain point, I went from judging others to drawing my own boundaries. At the end of the day, I simply cannot control other people's choices, but I can always control my own boundaries and behavior. For example (this is just me, and not meant to start an argument) I am okay being around pot, but not alcohol or cocaine. (I'm talking about drinking or doing drugs at rehearsals and gigs; people can do what they like on their own time, as far as I'm concerned.) Another personal boundary of mine, I would probably do a gig as a "hired gun" for someone who is a known drug or alcohol user, if they were a great musician and I thought it would help my career, but I would not join a democratic band of equals with that person.

PS Is there any possibility his father actually was in the hospital? I will generally play a paying gig even if I myself am feeling sick, but a seriously ill family member would trump all other commitments, for me. But a rehearsal? I would cancel that in a heartbeat.
 
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#14
Aint nothing youre capable of changing in him. Cut your losses before you end up getting screwed out of gigs,equipment or physical alercations and tell him to beat it. Drummer Ive been involved with for about 45 years is hooked on opiods for about the last 15 years. He hasnt played a gig because of it since and wonders why.
 
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#15
I'm no puritan. I like to abuse substances as much as the next person. Maybe more. But I figured out a long time ago that if I was going to approach music like a professional, I needed to act like a professional, which is to say that just as I would never dream of showing up drunk or high on a day job, so I would never dream of doing it on a gig. One quick story: Years ago I backed up a blues singer who would get high between sets and forget lyrics--and then ask me to sing. I got tired of it, and had the nerve to actually remind him that people were paying to hear him sing, not me. He got offended, and that was my last night with him.

Anyway, friend or no, playing with a coke addict? Run the other way.
 
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#16
Yep. Had a gifted co-front man go a little off the track with MDMA one gig. Unbeknownst to us, this was a fairly common thing. Lost track of him partway through the night and had to finish the gig without him. Apparently he drove home drunk and high. Otherwise good guy but had to cut him loose due to the liability - as well as not to jeopardize our security clearances!
 
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#17
SXema said:
He lives in an abandoned hotel, gets money from his family and he is working as a delivery driver.
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This is a very sad story - all of it. He's falling from a hundred story building and there is no Superman (sorry, fans) to fly in, scoop him up and save the day. Best thing you can do is get the hell out of the way.
 
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#20
Mushroo has the correct concept: your own limits and boundaries = you can't redirect another person's behavior, but you can direct yourself. sometimes, when the actor-outer is faced with different behavior from others, he may recognize that his choices are too limiting.

it's tough stuff. abandoning these folks is sad (but often necessary). good luck with your band's personnel issues! :thumbsup:
 
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