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Band member into drugs
- Thread starter SXema
- Start date
I totally accept that people can have lifestyle choices I wouldn't make and still be good bandmates.
But if it harms the band, sorry. They're out.
The nearest experience I had to this was not cocaine, but alcoholism. It was my first gigging band. The guitarist, who was a very talented and experienced musician, stopped doing AA maybe six or eight months after I joined. By a year in, he was forgetting songs, screwing up rehearsals, yanking the band around for a lot of going-nowhere ideas (dragging us out to play open mic at a venue that was never going to hire us in a million years, etc.). I had a yelling match with him after we played a county fair where he was swearing at the crowd and making comments about the female singer's chest over the mic. That led to a kind of him-or-me ultimatum which said singer was trying to mediate, but then I realized that put her in an unfair position and just quit. Two weeks later she called me to say he had died in a motorcycle accident.
But if it harms the band, sorry. They're out.
The nearest experience I had to this was not cocaine, but alcoholism. It was my first gigging band. The guitarist, who was a very talented and experienced musician, stopped doing AA maybe six or eight months after I joined. By a year in, he was forgetting songs, screwing up rehearsals, yanking the band around for a lot of going-nowhere ideas (dragging us out to play open mic at a venue that was never going to hire us in a million years, etc.). I had a yelling match with him after we played a county fair where he was swearing at the crowd and making comments about the female singer's chest over the mic. That led to a kind of him-or-me ultimatum which said singer was trying to mediate, but then I realized that put her in an unfair position and just quit. Two weeks later she called me to say he had died in a motorcycle accident.
Ive had issues with band members like this in the past. Here's my rule......
Im not your dad... so I cant tell you what to do. But the moment that your recreation messes up a show or recording... I'm not willing to play with you anymore. If that means you go.... great... if it means I go... great.
Im not your dad... so I cant tell you what to do. But the moment that your recreation messes up a show or recording... I'm not willing to play with you anymore. If that means you go.... great... if it means I go... great.
- Dec 21, 2007
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Cocaine is a nasty drug, and the band isn't going to win over the drug in this case.
Those of us who lived through the 80's saw lots of this.
One such story - a successful band I was in had a regular monthly gig at a successful bar/restaurant in Ventura CA. Played there for a long while.
And then it started. The following happened over a period of months.
First it seemed there were fewer bottles behind the bar, and they were out of several items on the menu.
Then we were like "is it my imagination or are there less tables and chairs in the dining room?". And they were out of more items.
There was an iconic stained glass ceiling piece in the main dining room. We showed up and it was gone. AND fewer tables and less items behind the bar. And the bartender tried to avoid paying us. And there was a very serious looking guy at the bar at closing telling the bartender he needed to "settle up" - it was clear he was waiting for money, not paying his tab.
We decided not to show for our next gig, and cancelled. The place closed the following week.
The owner put an entire restaurant up his nose.
Hit the exits running. By which I mean say goodbye to this drummer, and keep your rehearsal space locked.
Those of us who lived through the 80's saw lots of this.
One such story - a successful band I was in had a regular monthly gig at a successful bar/restaurant in Ventura CA. Played there for a long while.
And then it started. The following happened over a period of months.
First it seemed there were fewer bottles behind the bar, and they were out of several items on the menu.
Then we were like "is it my imagination or are there less tables and chairs in the dining room?". And they were out of more items.
There was an iconic stained glass ceiling piece in the main dining room. We showed up and it was gone. AND fewer tables and less items behind the bar. And the bartender tried to avoid paying us. And there was a very serious looking guy at the bar at closing telling the bartender he needed to "settle up" - it was clear he was waiting for money, not paying his tab.
We decided not to show for our next gig, and cancelled. The place closed the following week.
The owner put an entire restaurant up his nose.
Hit the exits running. By which I mean say goodbye to this drummer, and keep your rehearsal space locked.
IME cocaine is one of the most addictive of all the illicit substances, and the people who are using it are at best annoying, at worst it can make them complete liars and thieves.
If you think he's worthy as a friend and/or bandmate, I'd go the whole band intervention route to show him some support and offer him one chance to get his priorities together.
Dunno how old this chap is or how long he's been traveling this road, but if the rest of you aren't united, he'll play you all as best he can.
If you think he's worthy as a friend and/or bandmate, I'd go the whole band intervention route to show him some support and offer him one chance to get his priorities together.
Dunno how old this chap is or how long he's been traveling this road, but if the rest of you aren't united, he'll play you all as best he can.
I avoid impaired folks. The only way to tolerate them is to be impaired yourself, which I'm not interested in that.
We had one of those lose its memory 90 minutes before a gig and the person who programmed it hadn't made a backup... It was a tense time reprogramming it and recording it to tape (this was back in 'the day') as we didn't trust it not to lose it again...
My preference is leave the buzz for your personal time and illegal substances for when i am not around entirely. Music is my drug of choice, I don't mind if someone enjoys a little taste of something but if they need it or it becomes a problem, distraction or waste of time then i am not with it.
In the very old days we had a drummer who was our practice place and our lead singer. He was very good at everything...until he got a divorce and started heavier drugs, more drinking and dating teenagers. When we finally told him that he had to go that started a long slow decline that eventually ended the band a year or so later.
Fast forward to the begining of the Fools and we had this very gifted guitar player who lived with his mom. Turnded out that he had sever mental issues that required several meds that prevented him form drinking, driving working, etc. It got the where his guitar was sold to a druggie so we loaded him a guitar, then his amp was hocked so we paid to get it back. Next his mom kicked him out so we had to hunt him down for gigs. He would drink a pitcher of beer and couldn't stand so he would sit on his amp. He had terrible stage frieght. The list goes on. One day he just dissapeared and we moved on. That was 13 years ago.
EDIT: Sometimes a player with an unsupportive spouse is worse that a druggie. Been thru three of those. Two of which would show up a gigs and cause scenes.
Fast forward to the begining of the Fools and we had this very gifted guitar player who lived with his mom. Turnded out that he had sever mental issues that required several meds that prevented him form drinking, driving working, etc. It got the where his guitar was sold to a druggie so we loaded him a guitar, then his amp was hocked so we paid to get it back. Next his mom kicked him out so we had to hunt him down for gigs. He would drink a pitcher of beer and couldn't stand so he would sit on his amp. He had terrible stage frieght. The list goes on. One day he just dissapeared and we moved on. That was 13 years ago.
EDIT: Sometimes a player with an unsupportive spouse is worse that a druggie. Been thru three of those. Two of which would show up a gigs and cause scenes.
Best band I was ever in. Guitar player was on heroine, other guitarist was an alcoholic, drummer was on some form of Amphetamines. Myself and the Keyboard player were pretty young, and admiitedly the first vehicle I'd ever drove was a schoolbus on the way home from a late gig. Everyone but the keyboardist and I were stoned. He helped me shift.
I bailed after about 2 years. Shortly after the drummer OD'd, It was great on stage at first, but then things got sloppier and sloppier, and I didn't want to go down that road.
As for your drummer... you have two options. Help him out.... or else, help him OUT!
I bailed after about 2 years. Shortly after the drummer OD'd, It was great on stage at first, but then things got sloppier and sloppier, and I didn't want to go down that road.
As for your drummer... you have two options. Help him out.... or else, help him OUT!
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And y'all took him back after that. Well, have fun.
Active addiction takes hostages. Lots of them.
I would suggest that living in the solution for your band is to find a new drummer.
And when you wave goodbye to your current drummer and Indoor Slalom enthusiast, remember the "high road" is the New F*** You.
Keep it positive and let him figure out his own substance abuse issues if he chooses.
Good Luck & Gawd Bless.
I would suggest that living in the solution for your band is to find a new drummer.
And when you wave goodbye to your current drummer and Indoor Slalom enthusiast, remember the "high road" is the New F*** You.
Keep it positive and let him figure out his own substance abuse issues if he chooses.
Good Luck & Gawd Bless.
JeezyMcNuggles
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- Feb 23, 2018
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My first real band broke up when our drummer got strung out on heroin and went MIA. Looked for another drummer, but to no avail. Alas, 151's reign had come to a untimely, halting, demise. Now, I dont play with loadies. At all. They usually suck anyway. Of course, they think they're amazing...they suck.
I was that guy once, years ago. In retrospect my band should have fired me. Make a better decision than they did and can this guy. I can say firsthand he’s not going to do what he needs to do until he’s good and ready, and the odds of you and your other band mates being able to push him to make a good decision are very slim. Down the road when/if he cleans up, give him a chance, but not until.
