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Band member into drugs

#81
I got my current gig because their old bass player would get so high at rehearsals and shows that he'd forget everything. They kept giving him chances, talking to him about it -- for more than a year. Now that I'm there, the band has new life and they're on fire to play. "You're a real shot in the arm," the band leader told me. They can't get over how dumb they were for so long. Cut him. You'll be kicking yourself you didn't do it earlier.
 
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#82
SXema said:
So the drummer in my band is a really cool guy and plays soooo good... Until he gets a white powder up his nose.

Today we had a rehearsal with another band sharing their space with us. It was a special day we waited for weeks, we didn’t get together for almost two months after he got high and violent during rehearsal. He sent a message 1 hour late saying he was at a hospital with his father. This is the 3rd time he doesn’t show up and we are tired (lies, lies, lies). We have 1.1k folowers on Instagram and a couple of bands want us to play with them but we can’t because of him slowing everything down.

Any story like this? Band members and drugs F things up?
Click to expand...

Yup... we've experienced that, and in addition the guy 'lost' a few thousand $$$ from our communal funds.

He was a key member... so we put up with it for a while. But it wasn't getting any better, and we decided we needed to confront him. Of course, the guy is not stupid, and he felt something was up, so he started not showing up even more. Later I found he thought we were going to kick him out of the band, while at the time we just wanted to have a serious talk to decide what our options were.

We toyed with the idea of forming an alternative band, without him, so that we would not be slowed down. We're an originals band, so it gave us an opportunity to redo some of our usual songs in a slightly different way and play with different sounds etc.
But in the end we decided that no, it was either in or out.

We stopped booking gigs, and after our last booked gig we had The Talk, where we found he had 'lost' the money and was one of the reasons he was avoiding us, since he wanted to get the money back but it was turning out to be too much of a struggle.

We were not angry at that time anymore... which was key, I think... as some of the other times we wanted to talk, I think one of us would have likely wanted to beat him up. At this stage we just wanted to move on... with or without him, but no more BS.
We managed to be civilised, without sugar-coating anything but without fights. Yes we preferred to continue with him... but we could not take it anymore, so if he wants in it's really in, and if he wavers he's out.

He was aware of how much damage he had caused, but I really think it helped him to see that we were very clearly not happy, but we were not giving up on him yet... I think as a band we were pretty strong (we've known each other for some time and we get along, and we've been there when one or another went through bad times). We took a break of about 6 weeks, during which we didn't have contact, as a band. And we met again.
He was pulling himself together and it showed.
I'm in another relatively busy band, and I joined another little project as I really thought he would fall back into his old ways... and this time I was going to walk, and I had said as much.

I can't guarantee that we will not have another episode in the future. He is a certain kind of person and if life gives him a certain set of circumstances, he's very likely to fall again. But for now, things are very good. As a band we communicate a lot more than we ever did, we got a couple new players too (horns)... and he never ever handles money anymore. Not a penny. He still says he'll pay us back. I've written off that cash. I think we all have. But I don't want to tell him that. If he manages, great. But I'm not counting on it, meanwhile gigs keep coming and he's booked us a few very good ones, so let's look ahead and move on.

Man, I didn't mean to turn this into a confession :D
What I wanted to say is... Usually I'd say "run away, ditch him", because the chances of success are low. But it can work out... However, it's not easy, and it's not something that happens overnight. And he HAS TO want to change the situation. It's... a lot of drama, really. So, I would only be there and try if the person was somebody I cared for enough,, not just someone I play with in a band. And even then... I think you need to be ready to wear your "hard ass hat", and set up some clear boundaries and conditions, and be ready to walk if they're broken... because if you get caught in a situation with someone with an addiction who lies to you and finds out he can get away with things... god help you.

All the best!
 
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#83
SXema said:
So the drummer in my band is a really cool guy and plays soooo good... Until he gets a white powder up his nose.

Today we had a rehearsal with another band sharing their space with us. It was a special day we waited for weeks, we didn’t get together for almost two months after he got high and violent during rehearsal. He sent a message 1 hour late saying he was at a hospital with his father. This is the 3rd time he doesn’t show up and we are tired (lies, lies, lies). We have 1.1k folowers on Instagram and a couple of bands want us to play with them but we can’t because of him slowing everything down.

Any story like this? Band members and drugs F things up?
Click to expand...

sorry dude but I blame you and the rest of the band more then I blame the drummer!
Why you mite ask?
1. For putting up with his BS
& 2nd. "most importantly"
for enabling him ! Hopefully don't need to state the obvious,
get rid of the drummer ASAP!
 
#84
My favorite drummer I’ve ever played with was a fan of crack, but was not smoking it when I first started playing with him. It ended badly between us but I got a helluva deal on his kit. One thing I’ve learned with all really problematic people I’ve been hooked to—bandmates, girlfriends, employees, employers— is not to try to save the time invested in the relationship when the problem is completely clear. It just wastes a whole bunch more time.
 
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#85
ficelles said:
If he was high and violent in the last rehearsal, I'm amazed you booked another. I have zero tolerance for aggressive behaviour in bands - one strike and out.
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That’s what I was thinking as well.

High & playing poorly, high & annoying, high & stupid…..we can work with that.

Anything …& violent? You better choose the drug addict or the bass player, because in the next couple of minutes, one of us will be leaving the band.
 
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#87
BassGH said:
My favorite drummer I’ve ever played with was a fan of crack, but was not smoking it when I first started playing with him. It ended badly between us but I got a helluva deal on his kit. One thing I’ve learned with all really problematic people I’ve been hooked to—bandmates, girlfriends, employees, employers— is not to try to save the time invested in the relationship when the problem is completely clear. It just wastes a whole bunch more time.
Click to expand...

the problem is with guys like Jaco who are talents, and often make the band. Sometimes you just gotta work around it and do damage control. I'd rather be in a great band with a fckup than a mediocre band of reliable people.
 
#90
SXema said:
So the drummer in my band is a really cool guy and plays soooo good... Until he gets a white powder up his nose.

Today we had a rehearsal with another band sharing their space with us. It was a special day we waited for weeks, we didn’t get together for almost two months after he got high and violent during rehearsal. He sent a message 1 hour late saying he was at a hospital with his father. This is the 3rd time he doesn’t show up and we are tired (lies, lies, lies). We have 1.1k folowers on Instagram and a couple of bands want us to play with them but we can’t because of him slowing everything down.

Any story like this? Band members and drugs F things up?
Click to expand...

Move on.
 
#91
SXema said:
So the drummer in my band is a really cool guy and plays soooo good... Until he gets a white powder up his nose.

Today we had a rehearsal with another band sharing their space with us. It was a special day we waited for weeks, we didn’t get together for almost two months after he got high and violent during rehearsal. He sent a message 1 hour late saying he was at a hospital with his father. This is the 3rd time he doesn’t show up and we are tired (lies, lies, lies). We have 1.1k folowers on Instagram and a couple of bands want us to play with them but we can’t because of him slowing everything down.

Any story like this? Band members and drugs F things up?
Click to expand...
Wow. Real simple answer is you need to find a new drummer. Drummers on drugs and other musicians on drugs are inherently unreliable because their highest priority is getting their drugs. You'll find it will work for a while and everyone says, "I'm in control and it's not a problem". If you're lucky it will be that way for a while before they start increasing their drug use. Once it gets above that initial "in control" stage, his reliability is pretty much a thing of the past. Sounds like he's past it. Probably best to let him go and get a new drummer that you can depend upon.

The only way he'll get rid of the problem is to kick the drugs and abstain entirely, and that's a very difficult thing for a "white powder up the nose" guy to do.

Back in the early 70's, the group I was touring with fired the guitar player and hired a new guy from LA. He liked his weed. There was no where that weed was legal then. Since we were touring throughout the Western and Mid-Western US and were "long-hairs", we were heavily scrutinized for drugs - everyone expected us to be using them. So the band had a no-drugs rule. New guitar player said he could live with that, so we took him on.

We were playing a military club in CA (Lemoore Naval Air Station), which was always a bit of a break for us when we came back into CA. It was typically a 3-night gig instead of 5-night gig; they always fed us at least one superb dinner (to prove the O-club chef was better than the NCO-club chef, or vice versa); and we were allowed to stay at the Naval Lodges on base - comfortable and inexpensive and not normally allowed for anyone but naval personnel. We'd play there about 3 times a year.

On one day while we were there, our guitar player decided to go to town that was about 15-miles away. Unbeknownst to us, someone had called in a threat of some kind to the base after out guitar player left and all cars were being searched upon entry and exit to the base. Well, they searched his car and found three small roaches inside a small glass screw-top tube in the back of his van. Since he was re-entering at the gate, they held him and his wife and called the local sheriff.

Sheriff came out and confiscated the little tube of roaches, and let him off with a warning. Also told him not to be so stupid as to keep those small remnants of pot with him. If the sheriff had arrested them, that would have violated our federal contract, we would not have been paid for the nights we played, we would have been banned from playing any military clubs, and he could have been prosecuted in both state and federal courts.

We gave him a second chance and never had a problem with him after that. He played with us for another year until the band broke up. I believe in second chances, but not third or fourth chances. Best not to let it continue beyond a second chance or you're just asking to be let down.
 
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#92
Wiremessiah said:
the problem is with guys like Jaco who are talents, and often make the band. Sometimes you just gotta work around it and do damage control. I'd rather be in a great band with a fckup than a mediocre band of reliable people.
Click to expand...

I’m a pretty casual musician with a day job. I just don’t want a bunch of drama
40Hz said:
Been in two bands that folded because it had a key member whose idea of taking care of business meant taking care of their nose. Wasted a ton of time I’ll never get back staying involved while hoping the situation would remain under control.

Never again.
Click to expand...
it’s that time waste that I hate the most
 
#93
To the OP:
I feel sorry for the guy, and for you of course. After reading the story I think there's no going back, since he seem to have crossed the line already. So fire him or find another band, take a choice.
I also would like to point out that he probably isn't "a cool guy" like you described him. He's probably the way you see him when he's stoned. Sorry to tell you that, but most drugs (including cocaine and alcohol) "help" some people go out of their shells and express theirself. I've never seen a super cool guy become violent due to alcohol or cocaine, honestly. If you have a dark side, it will become more evident if you do drugs. Some drugs more than others, of course.
 
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#94
SXema said:
So the drummer in my band is a really cool guy and plays soooo good... Until he gets a white powder up his nose.

Today we had a rehearsal with another band sharing their space with us. It was a special day we waited for weeks, we didn’t get together for almost two months after he got high and violent during rehearsal. He sent a message 1 hour late saying he was at a hospital with his father. This is the 3rd time he doesn’t show up and we are tired (lies, lies, lies). We have 1.1k folowers on Instagram and a couple of bands want us to play with them but we can’t because of him slowing everything down.

Any story like this? Band members and drugs F things up?
Click to expand...

Yes. I quit the day after I saw my keyboardist and drummer shooting up, and launched my 40 year career as a financial Advisor.
 
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#95
I'm with the fire him camp. Drug addiction and bands most always leads to a long miserable trail of lies, disappointment, second chances, false hope and ultimately band breaking. Been there, done that. Unfortunately more than once in my 40 or so years playing. Save yourselves the time and grief and do it asap. If you like the guy, talk to him outside of the band and try to get him some help. But allowing him to continue this pattern is doing no one any good.
 
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