Band member into drugs

[LBS-bass]

we didn’t get together for almost two months after he got high and violent during rehearsal.

Why?

Why do you get together again with a guy who does this?

 

[crguti]

I was in a band few years back then the drummer got into religion. He was kicked out.

 

[QORC]

I've dealt with both alcoholics and druggies that definitely hurt performances and in the 3 I'm thinking about in particular, they had to be fired because of their unreliability.

 

[Jakeman]

A little perspective for anyone dealing with this - in my situation I was the one with the problem. I drank constantly and supplemented with powder. Before gigs I'd take advantage of whatever drink deal the band got and would be completely wasted come stage-time. There were several gigs where I just sat down cross-legged onstage because I couldn't stand anymore. One gig, my guitarist had to walk over and manually move my hand down a half-step. It's embarrassing, but it is what it is. I am SO grateful that my band fired me. It was one of the main reasons I woke up and stopped the nonsense. Keeping a drunk or addict on the roster falls under the category of enabling, in my opinion. Pushing them out of the band could be their first step along a different, better path. You may have done them a huge favor. And me? 10 years without a drink or hard drugs and gigs (and life) are better than ever.

 

[IamGroot]

Usually, when junkies walk with your stuff, it's gone forever. They usually cant bring it back unless they pawned it and you come up with the redemption money.

Be proactive. Dump the guy.

 

[dtripoli]

It's one hell of a disease and very difficult to practice tough love and not enabling their sickness.
It only prolongs it. Like diabetes, there is no cure but it can be managed and live a regular life.
But, the only person that can set an alcoholic/addict on a course of recovery is that person themselves.

Running a close second to an addiction riddled band is being in a band with no addiction problems but it's
rife with drama, personality conflicts and disfunctuality.

I've been in both types of bands and the second type has been more prevalent. The alcoholic/drug musicians usually flakes out but
the drama bands thrive on the adrenaline and just keep going. Now that I think of it, adrenaline is a drug more or less.

Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a psychologist. (Leonard McCoy MD, season 1, episode 6)

 

[MYLOWFREQ]

I'm sorry to say this but unless he takes an action in order to get clean, there's nothing you can do but find another drummer. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true.

 

[richntiff]

"a really cool guy" who is doing drugs - ISN'T a really cool guy. Why are you even asking the question? That would have less than zero chance of flying in any project I'd choose to be involved with.

 

[logdrum]

Sometimes just being an AH or narcissistic can mess thing up, I think more so than drugs alone, but definitely worse with drugs. Alcohol is the same, if not worse than some drugs.

Sometimes the absence of drugs is bad too, for people that are suppose to have those medications.

Like anything else it is a case to case basis that should be dealt locally.

 

[DWBass]

Yep. Had a singer that drank and drank and drank and who else knows what he was doing. I suspect he was getting high. Did a few gigs with him and showed his @$$ just acting the fool. One gig, I had to use wired mics. Dude tried going into the crowd damn near pulling the mixer off the stand. Would have happened if I didn't grab it. He also stood up on a chair and fell busting his @$$! I told the BL I will never play another gig with him......ever!

 

[Marko 1]

Worst I encountered (maybe fortunately) in a project was a guy who smoked weed... LOTS of weed.

Dude was skilled, but just never did his homework, and every time we got together he was still playing search-a-note, obviously never practice at home.

Needless to say that project never got out.

 

[Pocket Dave]

Interesting that the OP dates back to January, 2019, when I was personally hitting the spiraling tail-spin part of an almost-20-year addiction that almost killed me. At the end of that year, I was in rehab where detox/withdrawal was 8 days of non stop, full body convulsions, followed by 1st-strain covid which swept through the facility, putting some in the ICU. And yet I'm beyond grateful for the experience.

I share all this because the guy in the OP's band could've been me, and NOTHING anyone could've said or done would've stopped me until I hit my bottom and admitted I had no power over this thing. Even the threat of death didn't stop me.

I'm no expert, in fact I don't know s. But I've been clean and sober for 3 1/4 years now, one day at a time, and keeping an active addict around in a band is a no-win deal for anyone.

For anyone dealing with this I recommend letting the guy know he's suspended, but you'll leave his spot open if he agrees right now to go to rehab and attend daily meetings when he gets out, and with the understanding that, after that, 0 tolerance for relapses - If he relapses, he'll need to find another band regardless of if he gets clean again.

And if it's YOU, and you've got a desire to stop, HMU with a PM. We can at least talk, and I'll respect your privacy.

 

[pepj]

If someone can't operate, then its all downhill.
I used to tolerate a top class drummer...and I use that description sparingly because he is/was the most naturally gifted player I know...up until he had a servere moment on an important gig when it was clear that was the end.
He had to sort himself out but to this day, i doubt he has.
Such a huge shame.... but a waste of his talent and everyone else's time.

So, I dont have time for that distraction in the projects I do.

 

[richntiff]

Interesting that the OP dates back to January, 2019, when I was personally hitting the spiraling tail-spin part of an almost-20-year addiction that almost killed me. At the end of that year, I was in rehab where detox/withdrawal was 8 days of non stop, full body convulsions, followed by 1st-strain covid which swept through the facility, putting some in the ICU. And yet I'm beyond grateful for the experience.

I share all this because the guy in the OP's band could've been me, and NOTHING anyone could've said or done would've stopped me until I hit my bottom and admitted I had no power over this thing. Even the threat of death didn't stop me.

I'm no expert, in fact I don't know s. But I've been clean and sober for 3 1/4 years now, one day at a time, and keeping an active addict around in a band is a no-win deal for anyone.

For anyone dealing with this I recommend letting the guy know he's suspended, but you'll leave his spot open if he agrees right now to go to rehab and attend daily meetings when he gets out, and with the understanding that, after that, 0 tolerance for relapses - If he relapses, he'll need to find another band regardless of if he gets clean again.

And if it's YOU, and you've got a desire to stop, HMU with a PM. We can at least talk, and I'll respect your privacy.

Happy to hear you got clean - well done!

 

[Pocket Dave]

Happy to hear you got clean - well done!

Thanks, though it's only a daily reprieve from addiction, contingent on the maintenance of a spiritual condition.

And I can't ever drink or drug again without relapsing. Good news is it's a bite-sized program; I've only got to do it a day at a time.

 

[Pocket Dave]

If someone can't operate, then its all downhill.
I used to tolerate a top class drummer...and I use that description sparingly because he is/was the most naturally gifted player I know...up until he had a servere moment on an important gig when it was clear that was the end.
He had to sort himself out but to this day, i doubt he has.
Such a huge shame.... but a waste of his talent and everyone else's time.

So, I dont have time for that distraction in the projects I do.

Maybe he'll get it figured out before it kills him, because that's the most likely outcome of addiction otherwise.

My first roommate in rehab wasn't even in his 20's, checked out early against medical advice and was dead 6 weeks later of an overdose. We just lost a woman in her 40's in our home group to addiction about a month ago, and one of the most talented, inspired drummers I ever worked with died of Covid in March, 2020, 3 days after catching it, with meth addiction being his underlying, precipitating health issue.

And I've lost count of how many friends and band mates who've died in active alcoholism.

 

[RoadieP]

The last show my last band played, years ago, was a total crap show due to our drummer getting so drunk he could barely play.

We got there at like 7:30, were headlining and ended up not going on til almost 11. He drank nonstop. I won't lie, 4/5 of our band drank too much and imbibed plenty of other things but when it was time to play, we kept it to a couple beers. He had 3 pitchers and who knows how much whiskey and things went about as well as you could imagine. We had a WASP cover and Steel Panther tune locked and loaded but I turned to guitars and bass (I was singing) and said can the covers, rush through the last 2 and let's load out.

I was embarrassed and faded away from the band. They got another alcoholic friend to do another show, he couldn't sing, drums were awful. Couple weeks later, new singer got wasted, wrecked into a cop car, off to jail and then no more band.

Kinda soured me on gigging and now days, I just fart around on drums with my guitarist and his little daughter smacks a keyboard around sometimes. Good enough for me. Also, I play bass lol

 

[pepj]

Yep, but he's already pretty much destroyed his reputation already.

I dont pretend to understand addictions but do hope he beats it.
Congrats to you too.