BASS CRIMES AND FINES

[HeadyVan Halen]

Finally figuring out a song structure when it goes into the 'B' section never to return=$82.56..
Playing "Higher Ground", for any reason=$34.23
Sitting down on your amp when it gets late into the evening= $104.89
Faking to be collecting the money so you don't have to help load drums= $1.47
Skipping sections of a song so you can get out of it because it didn't go over as planned= $14.01

Playing 'Portrait of Tracy' for any reason= Most people have no clue what a bass is, what it does, what those ringing noises are, who Tracy was, what a portrait is, who Jaco was and the ones that do think you're a hack so don't do it.= $456.74

 

[TolerancEJ]

"Practicing scales during break - $25
Practicing scales during drum solo - $50"

LOL!! Have people actually done that?

"Playing "Higher Ground", for any reason"

Annoying, especially in a music store. Bassists playing this song must be the equivalent of guitarists playing Stairway to Heaven. (Stairway was denied in a scene of Wayne's World.)

 

[southgabass]

I'm all for the bonus if you fall and keep it going.... I was playing a gig and walked up to the 2nd floor while playing... well fell down the stairs on my return trip... didnt miss a note and laid in the floor for the remainder of the song... unfortunately sprained both knees, ankles, got a back sprain.... and junked up my feet..... .and mind you this isn't the first time ive taken a spill and not missed a note lol =D

Alcohol + Bass + running and jumping - coordination = good times

 

[Tat2dHeart]

Alcohol + Bass + running and jumping - coordination = good times

Tragedy * (Distance + Time Elapsed) = Comedy

 

[NortyFiner]

Playing "Higher Ground", for any reason=$34.23

Reminds me of a sign I once saw in the guitar section of a music store. "Anyone playing Stairway to Heaven, Smoke on the Water, Enter Sandman or Sweet Child O'Mine will be thrown out".

 

[JoZac21]

Reminds me of a sign I once saw in the guitar section of a music store. "Anyone playing Stairway to Heaven, Smoke on the Water, Enter Sandman or Sweet Child O'Mine will be thrown out".

 

[Beginner Bass]

Saying "Slappin' da bass man" - $600
Slappin' da bass - $1200
Slapping during soundcheck - $500 + whatever you didn't get paid because you sounded like crap at your jazz trio gig
Playing "Schism" - $300
Playing "Schism" during the drum solo - $100
Playing during the drum solo - -$200

 

[s_mcsleazy]

at any point screaming into the mic - $6000 per sec of screaming
owning a 5-string bass and only playing on low b string - $500
annoying other bass players because your bass has more strings - $300 and a slap across the chops with a haddock
bringing a amp that you need a magnifying glass to see - $100
being a kiss cover band - being "put down" like a old dog........... maby thats what we should do to gene.

 

[selftitled907]

By far the best thread i have come across yet! Is there something like this for drummers? if not there should be!

 

[southgabass]

Playing GUITAR during breaks - $250
Strap so low it tickles your feet - $40
C***Blocking the guitarist - +$300
Drinking my beer - Price of beer + $10
Playing the Mothman bass- SOUL

 

[Fassa Albrecht]

By far the best thread i have come across yet! Is there something like this for drummers? if not there should be!

Here it is: [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Enjoy!

 

[The Owl]

Never had anyone say "slappa da bass man" to me, but I honestly hope that one day the bass will turn around and start slapping one of those buffoons that says it

 

[Leeforeman9]

Saying "Slappin' da bass man" - $600
Slappin' da bass - $1200
Slapping during soundcheck - $500 + whatever you didn't get paid because you sounded like crap at your jazz trio gig
Playing "Schism" - $300
Playing "Schism" during the drum solo - $100
Playing during the drum solo - -$200

I plead guilty with explanation! We've got a chick whose about a nine and dances for the local college who had to have came out of the womb with a red bull and vodka in her hand. Half way through the set shes dancing then looks at me and yells, "slappa da bass man." Before my brain could register how much I hate that saying it slipped from my lips back at that blonde hair and blue eyes.

 

[SevenJacks]

I'm laughing because I'm so relieved that even though I owe about $2500 in here, a lot of other better players do too!
Hilarious thread

 

[Fassa Albrecht]

Playing 'Portrait of Tracy' for any reason= Most people have no clue what a bass is, what it does, what those ringing noises are, who Tracy was, what a portrait is, who Jaco was and the ones that do think you're a hack so don't do it.= $456.74

THis is siggable!

 

[KeithPoker]

playing as staccato as possible RIGHT up against the bridge... 'IM SO BURPY LOOK AT ME'

aaarrrgggg $500!!

 

[Fassa Albrecht]

playing as staccato as possible RIGHT up against the bridge... 'IM SO BURPY LOOK AT ME'

aaarrrgggg $500!!

Guilty.

 

[Surly]

Reminds me of a sign I once saw in the guitar section of a music store. "Anyone playing Stairway to Heaven, Smoke on the Water, Enter Sandman or Sweet Child O'Mine will be thrown out".

I've seen "No Stairway to Heaven" but I thought the others were "Smells like Teen Spirit" and "Back in Black"

 

[southgabass]

Yup there are many that MOST of us have commited... just go ahead and hang your head in shame and admit it... lol

that being said, whoever is taking up this massive fine can gladly then divide it back amongst ourselves so we don't go into superdebt....

 

[BassPenguin22]

Looks like I owe about $1250:

$50 for using a pick

and $1200 for the shouting during "brain stew"