BL complained that I looked tired at the gig.

[voodoobassist]

It’s a tough road being a band leader. You kind of serve two masters. You need to keep your band happy. Replacing people is a true pain in the derrière. You also have to keep the person paying you happy. Replacing gigs is an even bigger pain in the posterior.

I came down on my guys last week for some pretty sub par performances. It didn’t help that I’d received emails that morning from casinos wanting to lower their pay scale. Being the guy who’s name is on the contract makes you look at gigs from a different perspective.

If someone in my group was spreading themself too thin, showing up dead tired and looking like it, I’d have a talk with that person. I would do it privately though, not in a group text or email.

Maybe you should re-evaluate your situation and ask yourself if you really have the time to put into a busy group? Not judging anyone here. Just trying to add some outside perspective.

 

[BOOG]

BL texted the group about a few criticisms from Saturday's gig. She added that I looked really tired. I texted back that I had been working two weeks nonstop 12 hour days and had been working 8 hours that day before the gig. Then I played for 3 hours. So yeah I was tired. I even leaned on the upright piano between songs to rest for a bit. I left right after the gig went home, unloaded and fell asleep on the couch in my clothes.

Did you thank her for being so perceptive to your appearance and well being? Possibly, respond with a cheesy awe-schucks, “I didn’t realize you cared so much for me” attitude.

 

[sedan_dad]

I can't respond to this without getting banned for life.

 

[Axtman]

I'm not a super high energy player anyway. I'm a bass player for crying out loud! I let the drummer go bezerk on his kit. I let the guitar player do the windmills and I let the lead vocalist do the swinging of the microphone.

 

[Ross W. Lovell]

BL texted the group about a few criticisms from Saturday's gig. She added that I looked really tired. I texted back that I had been working two weeks nonstop 12 hour days and had been working 8 hours that day before the gig. Then I played for 3 hours. So yeah I was tired. I even leaned on the upright piano between songs to rest for a bit. I left right after the gig went home, unloaded and fell asleep on the couch in my clothes.

I experienced this once.

It was more about opening a dialogue about why I packed up and left after a gig to drive 90 minutes home.

I played guitar and had a fair bit to move. I also helped our bass player.

Apparently the drummer was perturbed.

The drummer had been drinking and chatting up a female or two. At the time I walked out the door with the bass player, not one freakin' drum of that oversized ego driven kit had been touched since we stopped playing.

Once the women left with a couple of friends, he suddenly wants help breaking down.

BL thought it was "unband-like" of me.

I agreed.

I quit.

 

[LBS-bass]

I'm sure there is something you could critique about the BL's performance. Use the group text.

Calling out anybody in front of the band is lame, period.

Agree.

Are you making a living in this band? Are others depending on you for their livelihood in this band? If not, then she can offer some constructive thoughts, in private, about things you might want to change, but criticizing you for being tired when she knows you're going above and beyond for something that is supposed to primarily be fun is really rude. Doing it in a group text is walking papers, for me. Life's too short to put up with that crap.

If she's your actual boss and you're working full time in music and you're doing this repeatedly and it's impacting your ability to get work with the band, she might have a case for taking you aside and questioning whether you have time to actually fulfill your commitment to the band. Assuming none of that is the case, that'd be a big "eff off" from me.

I really dislike hobbyist bandleaders who feel they have to do things like this. These are the same people who will call a band meeting to pile on the person who is the least experienced musician, or to sit there and watch a video of live performances so they can tear everyone's performance to shreds note-by-note.

I get it, people want the band to improve, etc. But there are hills you die on and hills you don't. My band records everything we do, and most of it could stand quite a lot of work, and we trust one another to pay attention to that and do what we can on an individual level.

We all have high standards as individuals because most of us have done music for a living at some point, and that causes problems because we are not doing this full-time now, and no part-time band ever plays or rehearses enough to become as polished as a full-time band will eventually be. So picking out little glitches and problems in each other is kind of futile, since nobody has the time to fix everything, and we all have 'em. If she's ruining your fun, find a different bunch of people who you can enjoy playing with.

 

[BOOG]

I think a lot of us are running ragged. The B!+@# of it is, it just gets worse as we get older. Recovery time decreases and needed rest increases.

 

[PaulS]

I once had a BL complain to the guitar player that he was disappointed that I wasn’t able to play a newer tune at a gig after only playing it once. This was two weeks after a serious work accident the resulted in a concussion and 2 black eyes for me! The fact that I even did the gig was amazing, nevermind trying to play a new original tune we ran through once. The guitar player was my brother, so of course it got back to me. Band didn’t last much longer after that. Just because you’re the BL, doesn’t mean you have the personality or tact to deal with the other people you’re playing with.

 

[LBS-bass]

I think a lot of us are running ragged. The B!+@# of it is, it just gets worse as we get older. Recovery time decreases and needed rest increases.

Ya know, I am so darned lucky to have the talent in my band that I have. I just can't imagine deliberately tearing those guys down. People should realize we are fortunate that we get to do this.

 

[newwavefrank]

I don't think we really have enough detail to come down on the BL. From the OP it doesn't sound like she was too harsh, she mentioned a few things she noticed, one of them being that he looked tired. By his own admission it was to the point of leaning on a piano between songs. I would probably mention that. My keyboard player was really sick a couple of weeks ago so I redid the song list so she could leave an hour early. I thanked her for showing up. Having said that, I can't agree with the opinions that you are doing everyone a favor by just showing up and doing a mediocre job. The presentation is part of a live show. I don't know what you could have done differently, except maybe at least give the BL a heads up that this was going to be a rough one. Maybe she could get someone else. I don't know your bands situation. Back to the original point, I don't think mentioning it was a big deal, unless it was a lot harsher than we were led to believe in the OP

 

[LBS-bass]

I don't think we really have enough detail to come down on the BL. From the OP it doesn't sound like she was too harsh, she mentioned a few things she noticed, one of them being that he looked tired. By his own admission it was to the point of leaning on a piano between songs. I would probably mention that. My keyboard player was really sick a couple of weeks ago so I redid the song list so she could leave an hour early. I thanked her for showing up. Having said that, I can't agree with the opinions that you are doing everyone a favor by just showing up and doing a mediocre job. The presentation is part of a live show. I don't know what you could have done differently, except maybe at least give the BL a heads up that this was going to be a rough one. Maybe she could get someone else. I don't know your bands situation. Back to the original point, I don't think mentioning it was a big deal, unless it was a lot harsher than we were led to believe in the OP

Mentioning it is fine. Mentioning it in group text is not okay. He did say she was well aware of his work schedule problems. Clearly he has a demanding full time job, so it's a hobby band. She's taking herself way too seriously, IMO.

 

[MasterG]

Id tell her her butt ,from your view,looked fatter.

 

[newwavefrank]

Mentioning it is fine. Mentioning it in group text is not okay. He did say she was well aware of his work schedule problems. Clearly he has a demanding full time job, so it's a hobby band. She's taking herself way too seriously, IMO.

Without knowing the dynamics of the band and how they normally do things, and in fact not even knowing exactly what was said and how, you may be willing to make that call but I wouldn't. My band talks about minor stuff all the time in group texts. I would never "call someone out" in a group text, but I'm not sure that's what happened here. We all mention things along those lines all the time in group texts, but that's the dynamic we have and how we do things. Occasionally someone may go too far but not usually. Different bands do things differently. There are obviously a lot of people here with the attitude that if it doesn't pay enough to live on (an always moving line which is defined as "more than you currently pay me") Then I should be able to do whatever the F I want. That's fine as long as everyone in the band is one the same page. In my groupd our attitude is we are going to put on the best performance we possibly can and treat it seriously regardless of the current pay scale. That is the expectation and everyone knows it and agreed to it before joining. Unless the OP wants to paste a copy of the post we really don't know. We are all looking at it through our own lenses based on our particular situations, not his.

 

[FugaziBomb]

We had a solution for physical exhaustion back in the day. Killed a lot of production people. I ran out of #$%$# at the end of a three day / three show run where I didn't sleep and blacked out in my truck going 55 MPH. I hit the barrier so hard I bent a wheel in half! Woke up sideways on the highway. Never saw it coming. Had no idea I was going to black out like that. It was the last time I made that mistake.

I used to be a fan of the 25 minute energy powder myself. These days I'm off it, though, but I had a couple of runs where I slept remarkably few hours in the course of a week. I am sometimes in awe that I did not become a dead rock and roll cliche. Sometimes you roll the dice and break even. 0/10 would not recommend.

 

[pcake]

Id tell her her butt ,from your view,looked fatter.

what does it say about me that i chuckled when i read this?

 

[Axtman]

Energy drinks give me diarrhea, so...............that's not really an option. ;-)

I asked the BL if we could go on later so I could go home and take a 20 minute power nap. No dice.

My playing was not stellar, but the band was lucky that I even showed up. I tried my best to keep the groove going and keep the clams to a minimum.

 

[Jefenator]

I once had a BL tell me: “Five bucks a yawn!”
(He was kidding; he didn’t actually fine me. But I got the point.)

 

[Door County Bass]

BL texted the group about a few criticisms from Saturday's gig. She added that I looked really tired. I texted back that I had been working two weeks nonstop 12 hour days and had been working 8 hours that day before the gig. Then I played for 3 hours. So yeah I was tired. I even leaned on the upright piano between songs to rest for a bit. I left right after the gig went home, unloaded and fell asleep on the couch in my clothes.

Did she comment on how well you played?
Did she thank you for your total commitment to the band/gig?
Anything positive?

 

[Ewo]

Who says nobody pays attention to the bass player, eh?

 

[lokikallas]

If you put me on retainer I promise I won’t be tired next time.