BL complained that I looked tired at the gig.

[dbsfgyd1]

BL texted the group about a few criticisms from Saturday's gig. She added that I looked really tired. I texted back that I had been working two weeks nonstop 12 hour days and had been working 8 hours that day before the gig. Then I played for 3 hours. So yeah I was tired. I even leaned on the upright piano between songs to rest for a bit. I left right after the gig went home, unloaded and fell asleep on the couch in my clothes.

I always look tired at a gig. I’m old, tired and soon to be retired...lol!

 

[Door County Bass]

I experienced this once.

It was more about opening a dialogue about why I packed up and left after a gig to drive 90 minutes home.

I played guitar and had a fair bit to move. I also helped our bass player.

Apparently the drummer was perturbed.

The drummer had been drinking and chatting up a female or two. At the time I walked out the door with the bass player, not one freakin' drum of that oversized ego driven kit had been touched since we stopped playing.

Once the women left with a couple of friends, he suddenly wants help breaking down.

BL thought it was "unband-like" of me.

I agreed.

I quit.

Wait,...who was “unband-like”?
Wish I could give you more than one “like”.

 

[LBS-bass]

There are obviously a lot of people here with the attitude that if it doesn't pay enough to live on (an always moving line which is defined as "more than you currently pay me") Then I should be able to do whatever the F I want. That's fine as long as everyone in the band is one the same page. In my groupd our attitude is we are going to put on the best performance we possibly can

"Possibly can" is the important part of this. If you're a full-time musician, what's possible is a lot different than a band that practices once a week, plays out less, and is comprised of people with busy lives who are lucky if they can get in an hour of personal practice a day. I know this because I've been in both sets of those shoes. The money doesn't matter. What matters is the amount of time you reasonably have to devote to polishing your performance.

I feel like you're missing the part where this is supposed to be enjoyable for those of us who are no longer in it for a living. Yes, we all work to put in the best performance we possibly can, but if there's someone in the band sucking the joy out of it for everyone else, that's a problem that makes it less fun. And, in my mind, someone who does stuff like criticizing one band member in front of the rest of the band is stealing my joy. At my age, I'm not putting up with it. I got too many other fun things to do.

As for doing "whatever the F I want," what I want is to make good music with good musicians. And if there's a BL making me miserable, there are other options, and I have those options because I do the best job I can. Doing whatever the F you want is a ticket to more work or less, depending on how you play it.

 

[Rib 13]

tell the BL to please remove the microscope from your rectum

 

[newwavefrank]

I feel like you're missing the part where this is supposed to be enjoyable for those of us who are no longer in it for a living.

I'm not missing anything. I specifically said that pretty much anything is fine as long as everyone is on the same page. I completely agree it should be fun, but for me and mine, being amazing is what makes it fun. For some people doing the minimum amount they can get away with is what makes it fun. And there are those everywhere in between. Your reply is implying that working hard takes the fun out of it. Maybe that's true for you, not so for me.

 

[LBS-bass]

I'm not missing anything. I specifically said that pretty much anything is fine as long as everyone is on the same page. I completely agree it should be fun, but for me and mine, being amazing is what makes it fun. For some people doing the minimum amount they can get away with is what makes it fun. And there are those everywhere in between. Your reply is implying that working hard takes the fun out of it. Maybe that's true for you, not so for me.

Nope, I think you misunderstood. The behavior described by the OP is bullying behavior, and I won't work with a bully. That would make any situation not fun for me. Whether that behavior is aimed at me or someone else, it's uncomfortable and unproductive. If you have something to say about what I am bringing to the table, talk to me in private. Maybe that's a situation that wouldn't bother you, but I've put up with enough of that in my day and I don't do it anymore.

I work really hard, though, to make sure I'm as good as I can be within the restraints I have, because playing music to the best of my ability with a bunch of good players is what makes it fun for me. So, in that sense, I think you and I are much on the same page.

 

[Bunk McNulty]

"Amazing" is a pretty high bar, especially if, like me, you're playing in a stinky little bar band. But we are always--at minimum--entertaining. Many times I've showed up to load in and felt I had no energy. But when Drummy kicks off the first tune, I snap out of it. What's going on? Well, I've been doing this forever, but every gig is exciting to me. And on those nights when you get the crowd going from song one, no matter how much you dragged your butt all day, the adrenaline and the endorphins kick right in. We're all that way, and it's probably why we get to play as much as we do. People often come up to us and say "You guys look like you're having so much fun!" Because we are.

 

[MultiScaleMale]

I'm sure that if the BL paid enough to cover the mortgage, the health benefits, retirement, food on the table, etc, etc that you would show up to the gig fully rested. Some BL want Rolling Stone level commitment for paper route pay.

 

[roccobass]

BL texted the group about a few criticisms from Saturday's gig. She added that I looked really tired. I texted back that I had been working two weeks nonstop 12 hour days and had been working 8 hours that day before the gig. Then I played for 3 hours. So yeah I was tired. I even leaned on the upright piano between songs to rest for a bit. I left right after the gig went home, unloaded and fell asleep on the couch in my clothes.

I can relate to showing up to gig tired, but I’ve never gotten guff over it. I always played my part satisfactorily. No complaints. I’ve played several different situations too. Maybe I maintain well, even though I felt like crap. I’m puzzled. Does your BL do this a lot? Send you critique texts after gigs? Do you get “way to go!” texts too?

 

[matthewbrown]

When you lose sleep, you lose years off your life. To a great extent, I regret the decade I spent with sleep deprivation, playing gigs to pay bills.

 

[Hambone70]

This gets me through anything!

 

[Axtman]

Those of you older kids might remember Jolt Cola "All the sugar and twice the caffeine."

 

[Nevada Pete]

I am sometimes in awe that I did not become a dead rock and roll cliche.

Me too. A lot of people did.

If you ever wonder why you don't do it anymore, I prescribe: "The Encyclopedia of Dead Rock Stars: Heroin, Handguns, and Ham Sandwiches". Very highly recommended.

https://www.amazon.com/Encyclopedia...dead+rock+stars&qid=1583800222&s=books&sr=1-1

 

[Downunderwonder]

what does it say about me that i chuckled when i read this?

It says you can tell the difference between a butt joke and misogyny.

 

[El Güero]

I’m puzzled. Does your BL do this a lot? Send you critique texts after gigs? Do you get “way to go!” texts too?

That whole texting thing strikes me as a power play where the BL remains protected by avoiding a FTF conversation. I hope the OP is being well compensated for his involvement with this band.

 

[pcake]

It says you can tell the difference between a butt joke and misogyny.

to be fair, it was a fat butt joke...

 

[IamGroot]

Text her back and let her know you are well rested now, but she is still ugly.

 

[Biggbass]

Note to self: Send BL a pound of sand

 

[Downunderwonder]

to be fair, it was a fat butt joke...

The best ones usually are.

 

[vvvmmm]

Energy drinks give me diarrhea, so...............that's not really an option. ;-)

Oh, butt it is.