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Caring for Elderly Parents

#2
When you say health issues, are we talking about something terminal, or just general problems? If the conditions are serious, then you may want to look into hospice. If all they need is someone to help them with bathing, shopping etc., check out your local Craigslist. You have a few basic options:

- Hire someone with few/no credentials: This is sometimes a better option if you don't need someone with medical training. For example, if all your parents need is someone to deliver groceries once a week.

- Hire someone independently, with credentials: Looking on Craigslist I can find a number of certified home health aides who will work on or off the books.

- Hire someone from an agency: Many advertise on Craigslist as well, and they can provide anything from once a week visits, to live-in help.

- Last resort: Out of the house, and into a nursing home, assisted living facility, etc.

For example, searching 'elder care' in my local craigslist brought up a number of people. Google is also helpful.

I've been through this with several relatives, and it's a tough job finding people to help out. Some of the agencies are VERY expensive, and a lot of these services aren't covered by medicare. So you could be in a situation where an agency wants $60,000/year for around the clock care. Whereas an immigrant to this country who is uncertified might only ask for $20,000/year or less, plus room and board. You might initially be hesitant to hire someone uncertified, and for good reason - though in the one case I know of where a client was robbed, it was by a certified aide hired by a reputable agency. Hourly rates vary, but are typically $12/hr and up for people who are certified.
 
#4
California has a program that pays family members to look after their ailing parents although the crunch is putting a bite on that too. My parents retired to southern Oregon, 750 miles away more than 20 years ago, and it has been challenging.

My father passed away this May after a brief bout with cancer at 89. My brother and sister and our adult children cared for him and he died at home, which is somewhat of a feat for a native American kid orphaned at age 9. The "free" support care came from a local hospice that provided a visiting nurse, medications, hospital bed and gave us with a road map of what was happening. They were very professional, friendly and genuinely the best that I could hope for. I don't think that my family could have gotten that care in Los Angeles, and that says a lot about same communities. They care for their own.

My mother has elected to stay in their home and will 'snow bird' visit us during the winter months in sunny SoCal (where it is 80+ today). Her neighbors are widows and widowers all somewhere along the same path that we will all end up on, and they look out for one another (another great thing about small towns).

I'll suggest that you check out any senior centers near where your parents live. They often have very good intel on local service providers and often know of someone who provides similar services, such as church groups or social organizations, that take people shopping, to medical appointments, etc.

Like my father used to say "Getting old ain't for the pussies". Good luck.

-richard
 
#6
I helped take care of my dying Father 9 years ago and am now taking care of my dying Mom alone. Hospice helps, but it's still a bear. Tossing Mom in a ------ home is not an option.

My advice is to man-up and do the right thing, or you may have serious regrets later. Use the FMLA and dip into savings, or exhaust your saving in my case. C'est la vie.
 
#7
My 89 year old mother fell and broke her hip back in July, and had hip replacement surgery. She was in a rehab facility for about a month, and now has moved into an assisted living place near my brother.

For us, assisted living was the best choice. For her to live at home would require 24 hour live-in care, and major modifications to the house. Even for unskilled help, it would cost more than assisted living.

There is a big difference between a nursing home and assisted living. The latter is for people who can generally take care of themselves, but who need help with some aspect of their lives, like getting in an out of a wheelchair. People in assisted living can come and go as they please, and pick up and move if they want to. They're not bed-ridden or under constant medical care.

My mother was resistant to the idea of going to assisted living, but she had to agree that it was the best option at the time. She has been in the place for several weeks now, and she still talks about missing her home, but she is making friends and getting more comfortable in the place--she has her own furniture from home, and she sees my brother and his wife (and other family) pretty much every day. We're hoping that eventually she will feel at home where she is.

Ed
 
#8
These are all great inputs.

My parents are not "terminal" but just need the help of an able bodied person. Assisted living sounds right but they want to stay in their home.

Haven't thought of full time, live-in but that may be a good consideration.
 
#9
Just be careful if you go the "live-in" route. Basically, you're paying someone to sit and watch TV most of the time--you're probably not going to get anyone with any medical skill, and they're not going to cook or clean--that costs extra. They will be there just in case someone needs help getting in or out of bed or the bathtub.

And you never know when the live-in help may decide they can make more money if they take all your parents' valuables and prescription drugs and never come back. My mom had her prescriptions stolen by her cleaning lady.

Ed
 
#11
richnota said:
Sit around and watch TV....sounds like a career path for me!

I think people turn to "reputable" agencies because their concerns.
Click to expand...



My folks have home health care assistance. They knew the owner of the company through church. In their case, this is supported by Medicare, VA and they just have to pay private-pay (out of pocket) for some of the home health assistance.

I would also suggest calling the county Health and Human Services agency. They will come out and make an evaluation and provide options. They will also have a listing of agencies. I would seek references for sure. We have had good luck so far. Only one worker was a bad egg - stole drugs. :spit::scowl:

As everyone is surely aware - Assisted living and nursing homes are Serious Money... I read an article recently stating nursing homes run 35K to 150K per year. This is making home health alternatives look better all the time.
 

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